Wednesday 26th August
With our visa applications received we jumped aboard a coach to Ho Chi Minh City in Vietnam. Offloading our loose change on the ferry to kid with no arms was one of the only times we actually gave directly to a beggar; we were told to only go through charities as that way you guarantee the money actually helps, but it does make you feel like crap whether you give money or not - one way you are too tight and they are desperate and the other makes you think why did I choose that kid and not the other as you can‘t give everyone something. Compared to our previous, the journey was very unremarkable and what’s more, a smooth boarder crossing despite nobody telling us what to do… well nobody telling us in English anyway!; When they pointed and shouted in Vietnamese we just followed and did as we were told! Once in the city we found the busy district and negotiated the narrow back alleys for a cheap hotel deal. HCMC is absolutely mental. The atmosphere of craziness is in part created by the thousands of mopeds and bikes all revving and beeping their way around a maze or roads. We learned that HCMC has a population of 8 million people and 8 million mopeds… we weren’t surprised! W can’t seem to resist markets, so made our way to even more after getting lost in HCMC network of roads.

Thursday 27th August
A busy day! We started by going to Cu Chi, north west of HCMC which is where the North Vietnamese had their communist HQ in the south, hidden among a tunnel network stretching over 200kms. These guys knew how to dig, and live underground, and hide it all… the Americans never stood a chance against this ingenuity. They took great pride I showing us the man traps they dug and set, along with their ability to recycle unexploded US bombs which they then used against the Western forces. Trying to squeeze through their tunnels with just a camera gave us a new found sense of respect for the Viet Con who did this with full gear, no maps and all the time being bombed from above by hugely superior weaponry. We did the obligatory photo on the destroyed US tank and even fired an AK47 - well you have to enter the spirit of it don’t you! All finished we left the war behind us and made our way back into town for a tour around the Presidential home where we were shown around the rooms where US seniors plotted the downfall of the North Vietnamese, rather unsuccessfully, in very plush surrounds (did I say leaving the war behind - not a chance in HCMC!) The guide pointed out all the escape routes the president had, his helicopters and cars… but he didn’t use any when Saigon was captured and surrendered very quickly with no blood shed.

Embracing the war a little more directly, we headed to the Vietnam War museum - the most hilariously anti American place in the world (that includes Bin Laden’s cave). Having gone online afterwards to check the facts, I think its fair to say there weren’t many lies on the walls describing what the Yanks did alongside the South Vietnamese, Australian and others…. but it was the way they say it that made the difference… a brilliant example of Communist propaganda at its best. And strangely not a single mention of the North Vietnamese army… surely there are always two armies/sides in any war!? Very strange not to even mention your own team, especially when they effectively won! It would have been ‘laugh out loud’ funny had it not been accompanied by images of victims of the chemicals used by the US, victims both at the time, and the deformed children still being born to this day, 30 years on. The final display was an open letter to President Obama asking why everyone in the World affected, apart from the Vietnamese, have been compensated (to some extent) for the damage caused by the chemicals… lets hope hey.

Our walk home took us past an opera house, a rather fancy post office and a cathedral.

Friday 28th August
Onwards and upwards… we were told the bus to Dalat, up in the mountains, would take 6 hours. It took over 10! The driver went so slowly, failed to tell us the first stop (2 hours in) was the only one where food was available (he tucked into his sandwiches at the 6 hour stop chuckling when I asked him about food options for us) and saved energy by driving at night with no lights! If it doesn’t kill you it makes you stronger! So upon arriving in Dalat, in the dark, we refused to stay at the hotel he pulled up outside (that is the scam; you are too tired to go elsewhere so opt for their heavily commissioned place) and made our way with the other irate passengers to somewhere not associated with the bus company. On the way two overly helpful Easy Riders (motorbike tour guides) adopted us and tried to help us even though we didn’t need help (on the misapprehension that this meant we were obliged to then use them as guides). Fobbing them off we had dinner and a stroll and collapsed into bed.

Saturday 29th August
Having said we’d listen to our foster tour guide’s offer after breakfast, we went out where we met a charming and fluent in English guide called Stephan. Choosing to go with Stephan and his friend Houng meant we were subjected to a tirade of abuse form the first guy, when we got back , declaring us ‘animals with no hearts’ when we explained that the others spoke better English and made us laugh. After than encounter I think it’s fair to say we made the right decision! So we sped off into the countryside aboard two motorbikes for a day of mountain sight seeing. Along the way we visited a pagoda, waterfalls, another pagoda!, some flower farms, a rice wine production plant, a silk weaving factory, coffee plantations, a bamboo weaving operation, ex-US army bases, scenic views on hills and more I can’t even remember! All this with local history (political and folk-law) and useless facts about the surrounding area thrown in with anecdotes that often lead off on strange tangents. Lunch was a local affair with noodles and various meats that you cook yourself in a boiling pot. They teased us by saying it was dog, but then assured us it was not dog… probably cat! Oh well still tasty. They were lovely guys though and even leant me a water poof when the rain hit (and boy does it hit you on a the back of a motorbike!), which they lovingly called and elephant’s condom… I must admit, once they’d said that, I did think I looked like a bit of a d*** in it! We finished the day at yet more waterfalls, and said our farewells after a few jokes about Houng’s two wives (apparently that’s why he’s always smiling!).

Sunday 30th August
Today we’d freestyle it, much to the distress of every Easy Rider cruising past us trying to get a day’s work out of us. So we hit the road and walked the 6kms to what we thought was a symbol on the map that denoted the presence of a cable car. Luckily it was there and we found it easily. Unluckily it was closed for lunch so we had to sit and wait for 1 ½ hours for it to open… just in time for the skies to open! Our beautiful panoramic views were somewhat restricted by the fog and rain but we donned our newly purchased elephant condoms and walked down to the lake and surrounding forests. Boy did it rain! But we made it back in one (dripping) piece and both ate beef noodles for an early dinner, despite ordering vegetable noodles and seafood noodles (apparently you can’t have expectations of getting what you ask for even when ordering from a menu!)