October 4th

Having been briefed on the mugging free zones Nairobi has to offer, we ventured out beyond the confines (and safety) of Hotel Boulevard. Known on the circuit as Nairobbery, we felt brave enough to try the city Central Park, a few main shopping streets and even managed to negotiate some lunch, but nothing else!. Our first AK47 sighting (patrolling a small shopping parade) made us not sure whether to feel reassured or more scared, but we decided against asking if I could hold it for a photo. Having made friends with lots of locals who were offering us a very good price on items we didn't need and trips we didn't want to go on we fled back to the hotel ready for our overland tour briefing where we were to meet Cara our South African guide, who later turns out to be the biggest piss head you'll have the pleasure of meeting, and a few of the team for the first time. Meeting over and non-the-wiser of what was going on we had a quick dinner with Ben and Tanya and trotted off to bed awaiting the arrival of our extra room mate, who turned out to be Scottish Gillian (she didn't snore)

October 5th

Early rise at 6am (a common theme to emerge on this trip) we packed our bags and made for the Masai Mara in smaller mini vans of 6 people - our coffins for the next three days with our driver Francis. It's hard to describe the abject poverty we witnessed along the way, but despite the appalling conditions they live in, the local kids always came running out to greet us with big smiles and waves (although some of these did turn into rock throwing when they realised we weren't giving out money) but on the whole these little guys were awesome. 300km, 9 million pot holes, 25 shanty towns and 3 'curio' (curio = curiosities = souvenir) shops later we arrived in our camp in the middle of the desert. A troop of baboons came to greet us and gave a candid reminder not to leave any food in the tents. Have no fears it was all very posh and dignified at this stage... semi permanent tents each with en suite toilet and shower tents for each couple, a dining room with white drapes and almost silver service to compliment; this place was by no means a representation of what was in store at future destinations! A spot of lunch African style then straight out into our first game drive in the Masai Mara, which was 300 metres away from camp but still managed to squeeze in 6,000 pot holes. At the gates we soon learned to close the windows upon future visits as the locals came running thrusting approximately $10,000,000 worth of curios through the window. When they realised we weren't interested the price soon dropped to below $10 but still no buying. Tanya learned a lesson that you don't get photos of the locals without paying for it... they tried Aussie dollars, which were thrown back in their faces - it seems the Aussie $ has no worth even amongst the poorest! Having finally accepted a few local shillings, the gates opened we cruised on through and over the next 3 hours saw our first set of animals and our first lions, elephants and buffalo. Back at camp dinner was followed y group introductions where Nikki found out we were travelling with a guy from Reading who Nikki is good friends with his sister and were both at Deanfield School at the same time... a truly small world. Many beers later we were fully ingratiated as a group... Ben and Tanya (AUS), Nick and Rachel (GB), Trevor and Katherine (NZ), Lee and Carla (GB), Del and Kim (SCO), Brian (AUS), Chris (GB), Emily (GB), Sophie (GB) and Gillian (SCO). I'll only mention the odd name here after but we basically had a great group of very like-minded people which made the trip that much more enjoyable.

October 6th

A morning game drive meant an even earlier start, but this time with the windows closed. It didn't stop the mad women from trying to sell us their crap (of which some of you will be receiving for Christmas), at one stage I thought they were going to smash the windows in just for a sale! Anyway, back into the Masai Mara... sometimes I wonder who was watching who; us stuck in out trucks racing around in the heat chasing the big five, or the animals all wondering what we were doing squashed up in coffins on wheels. No kills but we did see a five day old buffalo corpse all hollowed out... lovely! Quick stop off at the Mara River to see our first hippos and some 15ft crocs.That afternoon we spend some time with a local Masai tribe, just outside the National Park and were treated to a traditional welcome with a dance of the warriors and a dance of the women. If you've ever seen the film Zulu you might get an idea of how amazing yet intimidating the warrior dance can be. We were told it was a welcome dance, so I'd hate to see these guys angry! Again, there was an undertone of who was being entertained the most as we soon noticed that many of the warriors were pissing themselves laughing when chanting and running towards us (me thinks this is a little staged for the tourists) but we were assured this is how traditional Masai do things. Once inside, their village tuned out to be a load of old crap...no, no... literally... they make their huts from tree branches and dried cow manure! The place stank but who are we to judge an age old way of life! They have elements of western ways but not many in the purest villages; they wear red chequered cloaks that if I'm honest look a little bit like Burberry (if anyone from Burberry reads this, there is a huge Masai market just waiting for you to crack open). Their living quarters are tiny and very dark but by no means a representation of their aspirations... our hut guide, Joshua, told us he goes to boarding school and one day hopes to return to the village permanently to teach the local Masai children t the local school build by funding from Virgin Atlantic. This is not the normal path of a Masai... at age 18 they usually get circumcised and become a Masai warrior. Every warrior has to be at least part of a lion kill before they can buy a wife and start a family. At each life stage they wear different Masai colours to identify their status - boy, warrior, family ma - but I wont bore you with the details. A few huts later we were taken into... surprise, surprise... their village curio shop! Back at camp a bonfire was lit and I demonstrated, along with a few others, how low we can go without dirty jokes… about three minutes.

October 7th

An early start with sore heads from the previous night's team bonding (can you see a pattern emerging here!?) saw another early game drive. Windows still closed, this time we noticed the particularly modern school off to one side with Virgin logo on the front gate (that Dickie B guy gets everywhere!). Bleary eyes were soon rubbed away when we saw our first rhino having a wander. Having stalked him for a while, we stopped off at a watering hole to meet some of the team who had opted for a morning balloon ride, and saw the first of what was to be a day of 'd*** '... the first was two Rock Hyrax (cross between rats and beavers) going at it on our pathway. We left them to it but I had the privilege of seeing the male walk away from the scene with his 10 inch member (bearing the mind these little things are only a foot long themselves!) dragging behind him leaving a snail trail... lovely. Then came the baby elephant with a reproductive organ larger than his trunk, a horny zebra, two adult lions at it, and the Dik Dik (the smallest species of game in the park). With our triple X tour behind us we headed back to Nairobi via the same 300km track and the same 6,000 pot holes we had become so familiar with. Those who were relying on the transit time for some shut-eye catch-up were in for a nasty surprise! Bumpy, dirty and sweaty we stopped off for a great view of the Rift Valley where there was... surprise, surprise, a curio shop! This one was slightly different the owner told me; this one was "free to browse and almost free to buy!" Cue more Christmas shopping Back at camp in Indaba we were introduced to our tents for the next month, or hot tubs as they are more like, and endeavoured to bond some more, until the campsite had been drunk dry of beer... real man's stuff!