I find it ironic that the best way to summarise our epic 2 days of travelling is through the phrase which we found to be the most important... ¡No me tocas! (Or do not touch me!)

We started our travelling innocently, deciding that because our days with Jason and Mandy (the mad Yanks) were numbered we´d hotfoot it up to Guatemala with them. We woke early, having lost about 3 stone throughout the night in water weight - it being a full dorm with no air circulation to speak of..

Our first chicken bus (which is an old American school bus painted in psychadelic colours) to Chinandega, where on disembarking we were instantly surrounded by horrific men who (obviously) all started touching Alice. When Mandy told them to stop it, she received the response "I´ll touch her if I like... or i´ll touch her arse"! Unbelievable...

The next bus took us to the Nicaraguan-Honduras border, which wasn´t one of our better experiences.. As soon as the bus stopped men swarmed over the bus, grabbing our bags. We jumped out, and in the process of getting them back, the men ripped Jason´s finger open - he´d lacerated it on a moving fan! It´s like they´re killer honey bees, and every orifice of our bodies is overflowing with the richest, sweetest smelling nectar the way they grab, hassle, tug and shout at us. We had to get onto these rickshaw type things and a man cycled us to immigration- one of the more demeaning jobs it must be noted. Then when they tried to over charge us, and we weren´t having any of it, we received more abuse hurled at us, the best of which was "gringo white trash". Aaah the friendly locals... And this was only the beginning... On our walk to the bus stop, a complete mentalist reached out and scratched Lily´s arm! She shouted "NO ME TOCAS" at which they all burst out laughing. b******s.

So we got onto the bus, and had we endured enough for the day? No no. A "comedy" duo got onto the bus, and started doing a "bit" which (as i´m sure you´ve guessed) was about the four gringoes at the back of the bus. So now the whole bus was turning round in their seats to look at us, and laughing, not realising that Mandy understood everything being said. Everyone then paid them for their work, because who doesn´t enjoy a bit of gringo baiting??

The problem we have found with some of these countries, and i´m at risk of sounding like a Western snob here, is that the people just don´t respect their land.. You´re driving along and they just fling their rubbish out the window, be it in the inner city or the motorway. This consequently results in indescribable filth everywhere, and yet no-one seems bothered. They abuse the few tourists that dare to travel through (so many people we´ve met on the bus have been really shocked at what we´re doing, and saying that their children, born in Central America, don´t even travel across), and then they wonder why there´s such poverty with little tourism and investment to speak of... Because investing any money, or moving here as a gringo, would both have a similiar result to banging your head against a brick wall.

Anyway back to our wonderful day. At the next stop we were all desperate for the loo, but unfortunately you had to pay to use it, and we only had enough for one. So Mandy went in. Then the woman looked at Lily and let her in for free, success! Unfortunately Alice was then refused entry... Evidently she didn´t like the look of her (blond hair blond hair!) Which was fair... Why have rules that are the same for everyone?? We then boarded what was, happily, the last Honduran bus of the day, and we were advised by a kindly soul not to pay more than $10 - which was what the driver had said. However, surprise surprise (despite not being surprised in the least) when he came to collect it, the price had somehow inflated to $20. Funny that! So he can put a tidy profit in his pocket. Well these gringoes weren´t about to be hoodwinked! On arguing back he essentially confessed to guilt by dropping the price to just $15... We had won! We didn´t hear any more after that, and just paid him $10. Sadly we did leave the thing closest to our hearts on that bus... The food bag noo!

We then crossed the border in El Salvador (where, it should be noted we received no stamps - just like in Honduras. Evidently they´re not too worried at who´s entering/exiting.) - our second of the day. Once we´d found our bus, the driver decided to while away the time until it left by scavenging in the piles of rubbish by the side of the road, a perfectly natural decision for a filthy country. He managed to find an orange, probably underneath a dead animal, which he proceeded to peel and eat, to our immense horror! He turned out to be a complete maniac at the wheel, which incidently worked pretty well for us as he sliced an hour off the journey time. And so the day ended for us in San Miguel, El Salvador. We had managed to survive (just) the most hilarious day ever, and our four brave travellers hit the hay in preparation for another day of bussing it through Central America.

Tuesday 23rd turned out to be pretty tame in comparison, although the bus from Guatemala City to Antigua felt a little bit like the chokey in Matilda. It had about 20x the amount of people it could safely fit - people were actually sitting down on air, just not falling because they were so wedged in (if that makes sense). And the gentleman next to Alice was phlegming on the floor at his (and her) feet... Very nice. But when we got to Antigua it was so worth it! It is SUCH a beautiful city!!