So, once again it's a Tuesday morning and I'm abusing my office time by writing my blog. However, this time I must admit to being semi-professional and at least completing my enthralling lesson plans for the next week (on vegetables no less - try to contain your excitement). The past week has been of equal hilarious and weird proportions as usual.

Work has been same old, the weeks go so quickly because I'm working 8.30-5.30 every day, with the same class and the same daily schedule. It should be boring, but the kids make every day a little bit different. My highlight of last week was playing 'monsters' in the playground. Very simple, I am the monster and I have to chase them round the playground. It is the most brilliant thing ever. The kids scream and run around like headless chickens, trying to get away from me. That is, until it goes wrong (it's China remember) the kids all fall over. One fell in a bush, and one ran so fast into the volleyball net that she got catapulted backwards and landed on another child. Then it got worse. They decided that they'd chase me back. Oh how the tables turned. After spending ten minutes escaping them, with my nifty footwork and fear induced speed, they finally caught me and began practicing their kung fu skills on my abdomen. It hurt. Almost as much as the next day, when they decided that their new way of showing me that they cared, was to head butt me in the crotch. They would run up to me, and me being the naïve western gaga that I am, would think that they were going to hug me. Instead, I probably got some form of internal bleeding.. Oh how I love them.

They were also ridiculously naughty during English lesson time. We were playing a simple fruit matching exercise. I'd made laminated pictures of apples, bananas etc and cut them in half so that the kids had to match them up. They found it hilarious (I'm talking half an hour of excessive high pitched laughter - and occasional snot bubbles) to match the pieces upside down, or to put half a banana with an apple. I couldn't help but find it funny, but had to put my teacher face on in the end, and award the girl who was actually doing her work properly, with a sticker. This obviously changed everything, and keen to be awarded with a star (which turned out to be the best thing I ever bought from WH Smiths by the way - no offence, Hatty!) they finally settled down and used their best accent to say 'pineapple' (peeeenappaaa).

I was also told that my lessons were 'too long' last week, and that they needed to be shorter so that the kids had more time to play outside. It's always nice to know how important your English lessons are, compared with a game of 'monsters'. Of course, I argued saying that I needed the time to teach the kids. Lauren 1-0 Chinese teachers. Strangely, yesterday I received a message from one of the kids parents saying that they wanted me to encourage their daughter to speak more English. The thing is, she is one of the best in the class. She's constantly striving to speak more English, and is always asking me questions. Apparently, she just refuses to speak it at home. It made me feel like I was doing something right, and made me glad that she feels comfortable enough to speak it with me. I messaged her parents back telling them that actually she spoke really good English, and they should be proud of the progress she's making. That was the first time I felt like a proper teacher. Weird.

I've also been told I need to teach my kids a pop song to perform at sports day. My head of department said specifically that it should be 'not too fast, but not slow.' and that it definitely can't be about love. Those specifications ruled out around 99% of all pop songs ever, but I finally presented her with 'keep on moving' by Five, 'Stop' by the Spice Girls, and 'Reach for the stars' by S Club 7. I'm still waiting to hear back, and am hoping that these choices were of a sufficient speed and that the topicality wasn't too close to love. Not only do I have to teach my 3-5 year olds a pop song, but we also have to do two drama performances. We've decided on 'Three Little Pigs' and 'Cinderella', but only on the condition that I change the 'ugly sisters' to the 'naughty sisters', to promote good behaviour. I wish I was joking.

Mid-week, we found out that one of the other teachers from our internship was going home. We were all obviously pretty gutted, and decided that the best way to cope was to hit 'Popaganda' on a Wednesday night, for an all-you-can-drink night. It is quite possibly the best worst decision I've made since I've been here. After arriving and being called 'Lady Gaga' by the bar staff for an unnecessary amount of time, we started drinking. Tequilas first. Now I know that I said that Tequila ruins lives, but in hindsight it's probably only because I drank 12 in the space of two hours the previous week. This night was a good amount of tequila I feel. It was a pretty crazy night, even as far as nights at propaganda go. Lots of Chinese men asking to be our boyfriends, and awkward conversations with people who didn't believe I was a teacher because I looked 'really really little'. At one point, the macarena came on and we were the only people in the club who knew it, so there we were.. drunk, on a Wednesday night, on stage and teaching a club full of Chinese people how to do the macarena! There was a weird encounter with a crazy Maori guy who forced me into letting him buy me crisps from a 7/11, a hilarious KFC experience with Jon and Nicola being forcibly removed from the children's play area, and a full on fight with a group of Chinese people over a taxi. I forgot to mention, I had to work the next morning at 8.30. We got in at 6am. After one hour sleep and a shower to scrub away the shame and dirt of propaganda, I got into work sounding like a drag queen, but managed to last the day quite well considering I was surrounded by screaming kids. Was it a stupid idea? Yes. Was it worth it? Definitely.

Last week was also when I received my first letters and parcels from home. It was the best feeling ever, and I nearly cried with happiness when a man tapped me on the shoulder in my office and handed me the glorious envelopes. To anyone reading this who has sent me stuff, you have no idea how much I appreciate it, it means a lot! The chocolate inside obviously means a lot more, but I appreciate it nonetheless! I'm pretty sure that the feeling I got from eating my first fruit pastille in 3 months was slightly too excitable, and this worries me slightly. Although it was a red one, which we can all agree is the best one. The fact that I never know when I'm going to get post also makes my days that bit more exciting. Yesterday I got a 'Wheres Wally' birthday card, and roped the whole office into spending their afternoon help me search for him. We found him, thank God.

I realise that I probably seem to be rambling a lot in this one, which I wish I could blame on something like having too much Redbull (which isn't carbonated in China by the way.. who wants to drink flat redbull?!), but unfortunately it's just because I have massively misjudged how eventful last week was. We went out for one of the teachers birthdays, did a bit of bowling (in the worst bowling alley of all time by the way, we had to change lanes 4 times and managed to break every single one), went to an Irish bar where I managed to offend a lawyer and a foreign diplomat. We eventually moved onto the cheap and cheerful pubs. At this point I should mention the ridiculous amount of 'rain' that was falling from the sky. Here in Beijing, the air is always dry, and smoggy. Rain is usually nice. After about an hour of torrential rain, it began to snow. Yes, snow in the middle of March? Snowball fights while trying to avoid being shoved in the deepest puddle known to man, and buying beer for 50p from a lady on the street, who looked like she definitely had frostbite in one hand and possible pneumonia, but was so happy at how beautiful the snow was that she just didn't care. I also ate proper fish and chips, and copious amounts of street food without vomiting, which is always a personal achievement. So yes, lots of alcohol, snow, embarrassment, offensive comments and an eventful taxi ride home.

I also managed to completely embarrass myself to one of the more senior teachers at the school this week. Jemimah is staying this weekend (yay!) so I had to apply for an accommodation card for her (yes, my school really is that strict that we're not allowed visitors without permission). A nice lady helped me to find the information, and I noticed that it said I needed to get the signature of the Principal to get the card. I asked the lady where to find the principals office. She was the Principal. Just when I thought I couldn't be any more socially awkward. Silly me.

So now it's Tuesday. Tomorrow I get to go on a school trip with the kids, to the aquarium. As with the gifts from home, I'm pretty sure it's not normal to be so excited about a school trip. I'm just hoping it'll be better than the Sea Life Centre.. The rest of the week will involve planning my masterpiece of a drama performance, teaching the kids the pop song (fingers crossed for spice girls, I want to be baby spice) general tomfoolery and probably extensive bruises - the kids had another kung fu lesson this morning. Wish me luck.