I'm definitely writing this a.) during my office hours, when I have copious amounts of printing and lesson planning to be doing, and b.) I'm also writing this with The Kinks playing very loudly in the office, and I'm pretty sure that they are judging me for my old school music taste (they all seem to have techno remixes of Chinese kids crying, or a disturbingly similar piano tune to '2 Girls 1 Cup' as their ringtone, so I understand their confusion). The last week has been pretty crazy, and I thought I'd write this blog while I'm already procrastinating like the best of them.

Last week marked my return to work after a week off, and I came in on Monday morning feeling pretty good (although I'm almost certain that this excitement was more because of the cabin fever that I was escaping, after sitting in my mouldy apartment room, watching re-runs of greys anatomy for 15 hours a day the previous week).I got into my class at 8.30 and was told three things. Firstly, my class had been split into two (3 year olds, and the older kids), so I now had two separate classes. Secondly, my teaching assistants had been changed. Thirdly, that my entire weekly timetable was different. As with anything in China, I laughed and got on with it. That's not to say it wasn't stressful, having to cope with a class of purely three year olds, who all touch me far too much and destroy my flashcards wasn't ideal, but such is life.

The kids were also on top form last week, completely hilarious as usual. From the boy who sneezed in my face, to the girl who choked on a fish bone. Okay, so I know that you're all judging me for laughing at a 5 year old choking on a fish bone. The fish bone that was lodged in her throat was from a school dinner, which is funny anyway, but the poor child also had to go through the traumatic experience of having an endoscopic camera inserted into her throat, so that the doctor could find and remove the said bone, which it then turned out she had swallowed already.. Still not funny? Okay, I'm a bad person. One of the younger boys went and had a wee in the middle of the playground and was encouraged to do so by a lazy teaching assistant, who couldn't be bothered to walk him to the toilet. The assistant in question also likes to spit in the bins in the hallways, from great distances - which while obviously disgusting, is pretty impressive as her aim is always spot on. This week I also got to play on the climbing frame, as well as a space hopper which I probably got a bit too excited about.

Teaching was pretty standard last week, a review on all the toy and colour vocabulary. Words like 'teddy bear' and 'robot' (or wuuubaaaa as they call it). Lots of flashcard games, and of course the mandatory 'duck, duck, goose' activity. Which is always good until they go mental and all chase each other at the same time, resulting in (the now far too frequent) bundle scenario. The kids also go crazy for team games, put them against each other and suddenly they actually care about why they're saying 'teddy bear' in the first place, and are much more keen to pronounce the 't' in robot, albeit in a hilarious mock cockney accent.

Every Friday, I finish at 2pm. This is an absolute god send, as I'm so exhausted come the end of the week, that I have a 3 hour nap and prepare myself for the weekends antics. We all hit the supermarket and bought beers and snacks for our night of drinking games, and I came back two hours later to find my entire bedroom wall covered in 'Happy Birthday' messages, and pictures. It was such a lovely surprise, and awesome to hear from people that I haven't spoken to in a while. My favourite was the 'b**** Crown' which someone had drawn me, and the fact that the banner said "Happy Birthday Lady Gaga"rather than my actual name (although I'm seriously starting to question my own identity, and whether or not I am actually the original Gaga, after a significant lack of the word 'Lauren' in anyone's vocabulary here). So I basically love all of the other interns for making such a big effort to give me an awesome birthday surprise, you are all babes.

After I stopped hyperventilating from the shock and awe that my bedroom wall provided, we all headed round to Cat's to play Ring of Fire. It's becoming a standard weekly occurrence now, and it's getting to the point where we're running out of things to ask in 'Never have I ever..' and also giving up on asking some people what they haven't done, as they're so outrageous - not mentioning any names, Greg. We also played 'What the f***' which is a personal favourite, and ended up playing one of the games that Jon had done in his class. Yes, we turned a classroom game into a drinking game. It's one of those games where you write 'who' and then fold the page, and the next person writes 'where' next person 'with who', 'what did they do' etc. As you can probably imagine, some of these were hilariously perverse, and embarrassing for those of us named in the situations. Perhaps one day I'll post some of them, but it's not an ideal platform when I know that my family read this too..

The next day was my actual birthday, the big 21st hell yeeaaaah. The day went ridiculously quick, I met my dad for lunch, bought some shoes and some DVDs from a seedy little back room where I was concerned I might be molested by the owner. Then, before I knew it, it was 5pm and we were heading out for dinner and meeting everyone for drinks. Our journey into Beijing - because our school is the arse end of nowhere - took two and a half hours. On the subway, everyone decided to sing 'Happy Birthday Lady Gaga' to me, which was followed by some Chinese people joining in, and a man begging me to sing in the middle of the train. No sooner had we left, a small Chinese guy was in my peripherals as I turned around, and he hurried away. I asked what he was doing so close to my face, and my friends kindly informed me that he'd been smelling my hair. I shouted at him for being inappropriate, while he giggled excitedly and waved.

So, after the hair sniffing and disappointing my audience on the train, we were late for dinner. So instead of eating, we did the intelligent thing and started drinking straight away. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Four hours later, after copious amounts of tequila (as last count, I was on 12, which is a lot for a small person..), whisky, beer and vodka it didn't seem like such a good idea any more. My memory of the night is a little hazy, I remember having lots of fun with everyone, and attempting to be a social butterfly. I also remember repeatedly telling everyone how I wasn't drunk, which just led to even more alcohol. My memory is most hazy at the end of the night,where apparently I threw up not only in the bin and the sink, but also in the taxi, out of the taxi and in my bedroom. I woke up feeling proud of what a mature, independent 20 something I've become. Note to self - Tequila ruins lives.

After a hungover Sunday and the longest Monday of my entire life, it's finally Tuesday. I like Tuesdays because the week always goes so fast after today. My ipod has now shuffled to The Spice Girls (which I have absolutely no shame for, and I also feel like it will go down well with the rest of the office) and I've decided to finally dye my roots this evening, and avoid looking like a dirt bag for a little while. I'll probably end up ginger, and the Chinese wont love me any more. This would be disastrous. Anyway, that's my week. Try not to be too jealous that I got to play on a space hopper for an hour and call it work.

Peace out cub scouts x