4-23

I am going to go on a field trip with all of my students tomorrow. Let's hope I can survive the chaos. I am actually really excited. I was told I didn't have to go, but I really want to!!! What? I want to go to work? Um...yeah, not like me I know, but I look at it as a free tour of China. They are going to take us to an ancient town called Luodai that is about 45 minutes away. According to the HELLO Chengdu Magazine, the ancient town dates back thousands of years and illustrates the unique Hakka culture. In fact, it is known as the “First Hakka township in western Sichuan.” Pretty cool!!!

I was hoping to take two days off, so I could explore Beijing. Sunny said that I am not allowed to miss a single day of work though. In China, teachers do not have sick and personal days, meaning there is no such thing as substitute teachers. If a teacher has a dire emergency, the other teachers will cover that teacher's classes, but it HAS to be an emergency. You CANNOT call in sick unless you have a doctor's note. I am bummed out that I can't take some time off, but what can I do? I have to fly to a major city in order to fly to Denver, so I am thinking I will just fly to Beijing, stay a few days, and then fly back home. I think Beijing will be a great way to finalize my China adventure.

Jill and Scott (two teachers from Standley Lake High School) are coming to Chengdu, and I cannot wait!!! I told everyone at school that they are my "family," so I can get some time off. Chinese people only take family seriously because the blood line is very important!!! We are going to explore the Tibetan area of Sichuan Province, and it is going to be epic. I am so excited!! Granted, we will have to be careful because there are a lot of reported muggings in this area. In fact, I was talking to two foreigners the other day who went to the same area we plan to go, and they got mugged. So we will have to be extra careful.

4-26

I have been crazy BUSY!!! I go out a lot because I want to experience every square inch of this city, but it is just so big. I only have 2 months left, so I am getting into panic mode. What will I do when I finish? Should I move back to Colorado where there are no jobs, or go somewhere where I can find a job? I applied for the position at Canon City, but the principal said they have a student teacher they really like but that they will interview me anyway. He also said that I hurt their feelings by not taking the job last summer when they were all begging me to work there. After living in China, Canon City seems like such an easy move. I think I have definitely broken out of my bubble. Canon City said they will have a Skype interview with me, but I haven't heard when. They will probably wait until after school is out.

I am applying for jobs here and there but don't have much motivation to sit on my computer when I could be outside enjoying everything China has to offer. I have applied for about 20 jobs but have only heard back from 4. One was Canon City, the other was Aspen (they said the teacher decided to stay, so the job is no longer available), a recruiting position (they said I wasn't qualified), and Everett Middle School (the posting was an accident). So, I am not having much luck, but maybe it will get better once I am in the U.S again.

4-28

I was sad for a few days last week when I realized my journey is coming to an end, but for the last couple of days, it feels like I still have a long ways to go before I get to leave. I love China, but I am excited to come home and see everyone.

My students were so bad today!!! I had to yell at them and tell them that they were "BAD!!" I left the room at the end of class and a ton of students ran after me, saying they were sorry. Hahahaha. I will miss Chinese students. They are so innocent and adorable. I can't stand them when they keep talking, but I love them overall.


I have a good feeling about my job prospects. I think I will find something, but I might have to move to a small town. Who knows, though, I might love living in a small town. Hm...Greeley was a small town though, and it was horrible. Yuck, yuck, yuck!!!! It was a ghetto small town, though, with a lot of crime and too many cows. I need to find a perfect little town that is open to taking in a crazy girl like me. I think I can handle living in a small town that is driving distance to a major city. Also, if I have a consistent teaching job, I can travel in the summers. Hm...I think either England or Scotland will be my next destination!!!

4-29

I have had a crazy weekend so far. Yesterday I went to the bus station and was packed tight against hundreds of Chinese people, pushing me in every direction. I was with Jessie, and we stood in line for our bus for almost three hours. (Note: There is no such thing as lines in China because there are too many people. The "line" for our bus was more just a crowd of Chinese people packed as tight as sardines. I was packed so tight in the bus station that I could rest my weight against the people around me. I also got to absorb the sweat of those around me. Therefore, you CANNOT have a bubble in China!!! You will not survive a day if you can't handle being pushed, nudged, and elbowed by everyone around you). The same thing happened when I went to Leshan, but we only had to wait for about 30 minutes for our bus, which was tolerable. After 3 hours of being squashed by Chinese people, they finally held up a sign for our destination. People went into a frenzy and started screaming and pushing. I got elbowed in the back several times and fights started to break out as people started to cut ahead. I felt like I was in a really dangerous mosh pit and that someone was going to most certainly die. People started to move forward, and I grabbed for Jessie, but she was pushed ahead. I started screaming, "Jessie!!! Jessie!!! Wait!!! Come back!!! HELP!!!" She tried to get to me, but I man pushed her and then pushed me. I pushed him really hard and screamed, "Stop!!! Stop pushing!!!" I started to feel really hot and dizzy; I could no longer see Jessie and couldn't seem to breathe. Before I could even come to terms with my situation, tears started to form; I couldn't hold them back. I felt like I was hyperventilating and all of my blood rushed to my head. I was the only foreigner in the crowd, so I already stood out. People started shouting some phrases in Chinese (Probably, "Hey, the wimpy foreigner is going to pass out!!! Someone better get her out of this crowd, so she doesn't report this to the American Embassy!!!"). After what felt like an eternity, security came to rescue me and guided me outside. My hands were shaking so bad that I thought they were going to fall off. Jessie ran towards me and told me to try to just breathe and relax. It took me only a few minutes to regain my composure, but my head still felt like it was disconnected from my body. She got me some bread, and we were escorted to the VIP line. Jessie said that I am lucky I am a foreigner because they wouldn't have helped me if I was Chinese. We then smiled a little and agreed that my crying helped us get on the bus faster, so we could be happy for that at least.

We went through all of this, so we could pick cherries at the Cherry Festival in Pu Jiang. I wouldn't say it was worth the three hour mosh pit, but it was still fun. Once I got back home, I did some Yoga and am really sore today. I had a teacher who made me stretch my body in ways I never have before. He said that Americans don't realize the purpose of Yoga because it shouldn't be looked at as exercise but as a spiritual journey. He went on to explain that we spend most of our waking hours, separating our mind from our body (this is not on purpose necessarily). We use our body as a vehicle for our mind. It is almost as though we look at the body as nothing more than our transportation, and although we might want our bodies to look good by applying makeup and eating healthy, we don't spend enough time connecting the body to the mind. This is what Yoga is for. It is a spiritual experience that helps connect the body to the mind and soul. I appreciate Yoga a lot more after hearing what he said, so I am going to start tying Yoga into My Tai Chi and Pilate routine. I still have a hard time motivating myself to do my routine every day but have been doing it a couple of times a week. I need to find a way to focus my mind on my body, but I feel very separated from my body, probably because my mind is always full of never-ending thoughts and ideas. If I could just find a way to meditate, I think I would be able to connect my mind, body, and soul.

4-30

This is what I have decided in the last month of teaching American history and culture to my Chinese students: The American past takes on a whole different essence when viewed on the other side of the world. While teaching about Native Americans, the Mexican-American War, and cowboys, I have come to see how unique and terrible America really is. When I talked about Native Americans, cowboys, and showed pictures of both, all of my classes exclaimed, "Wow!!!!! Whoa!!! Look at that cowboy and that Indian!!! Wow!!!" Hearing their responses made me realize how unique America is as a country. Little things that I have never acknowledged as being interesting, such as cowboys, rodeos, and reservations, all of a sudden seem very peculiar and interesting. I went to quite a few rodeos as a child, but I always thought they were boring. I find riding horses to be a form of torture. Pure torture!!! Why would anyone want to ride such an independent and unstable animal? I vaguely remember passing by Native American reservations, but only for a quick stop at a casino or firework stand. Why didn't I take a closer look at what was really going on in my own country? Why didn't I give more than a simple glance to the Native Americans, as I picked out my favorite fireworks? Why didn't I analyze what the reservations symbolize and the struggles these people go through? Why do we celebrate Columbus Day? What is the true story of Thanksgiving? What does America need to do in order to be forgiven of past crimes? Free hand outs have done nothing to help the Native Americans. My Native American friend Ryan once responded with this quote when we were discussing reservation camps: "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime." Think how amazing this world would be if we took this quote to heart and practiced it everyday in everything we do. There is no easy solution to the problems back home--I know that. I guess I just see things differently now that I live over here.

One of the FIRST things I am going to do when I get back to America is connect with different Native American tribes. I think maybe one of the best ways to connect with those in the reservation camps is to educate their young. Therefore, I am starting the agonizing process of applying for jobs. I have applied for jobs mostly in Arizona, in small Native American communities where I would be the minority once again. For example, Fort Defiance, Arizona has a population of 4,047, and the American Indian population makes up 3,905 (96%). There are only 88 white people, and the remaining 52 people of the population are Hispanic. How exciting!!! If I cannot find a job teaching Native Americans, I will have to volunteer on the side or work on a reservation during the summers.

5-2

I am getting so excited to come home that teaching has been hard. The end is near, and I am counting down the days until I am officially free, which is causing my motivation to dissipate. I need to focus on my students more, but I am really looking forward to coming home. I still have two months, which is quite a long time. A lot longer than I want it to be.

My body hates China!!! Or maybe my body just doesn't like humidity intertwined with pollution. It will be nice to get back to a climate my body prefers. I don't know why humidity and pollution would make my hair so dry and brittle. I was brushing my hair the other day and realized that chunks of my hair are breaking off. I don't want to get a haircut in China because I don't trust the hair salons here. So, one of the first things I am going to do when I get home is get a haircut. I will have to get it cut to the length of the broken sections, so it will be pretty short. It will be nice and healthy though. I have also been having trouble with my right ear. It feels like there is water in it, and it is swollen. I have tried everything but have had very little luck. Why must Chengdu have 100% humidity? That is just wrong!

5-4

I have been meaning to get a massage, but every time I think I have found a place, a woman in high heels and a short skirt shows me the door and waves me out. I guess I keep on walking into massage places that are only for men. Yes, China has tons of places that offer “extras” as the men put it, and it is not frowned upon but, instead, accepted. I am horrified at how open everyone is about it, and how a man can get “extras” for an extra 20 yuan!!! That is only a few dollars. From what I have gathered, China isn’t nearly as bad as Thailand, but something still needs to be done.

Ryan, the other foreign teacher, told me that he found an amazing massage place and convinced me to go with him. I knew this place was legit because it was in the open, and about 6 people were getting massages at the same time, right next to each other. Although I would rather have a private room, I decided to give it a try. With about ten Chinese men staring at me, I got a massage. It was hard to relax when I knew I had an audience, but I tried to shut my eyes and block them out. The man did an amazing job, but at one point I felt like he was trying to pull off my head. It didn’t hurt, but I have never had anyone try to pull off my head, making it an interesting experience. After massaging my neck and entire back, he moved to my arms. He squeezed my arm so the blood stopped flowing and then massaged and swung my arm around. It felt really good. He started to rub my legs, but I felt a little weird with so many people watching, so I told him I was good. It cost me 20 yuan for the entire massage!!!! Amazing!!! The men told Ryan to tell me to come back again but for a leg and foot massage. They also asked him to tell me that they are single and interested in American girls. The all gave me a grin after saying this, and I awkwardly stumbled out and headed back home. Although it felt good, it was just too weird having tons of men watch me when I was trying to relax and enjoy a massage. Oh China…

5-7

I don't think my students are learning very much from me because I will teach some words, but they don't remember them the next time I see them. I can't get them to study because I can't give tests or grades. Soooooo, it is just a circus, but I try to have fun anyway. I am teaching Lady Gaga's "Paparazzi" this week because she was in Hong Kong on Sunday, making it the perfect lesson. The kids like songs and learn more that way. I thought the students would enjoy the lesson, but while I was teaching them the song, they kept repeating over and over again that they ONLY want to sing "Poker Face." They are never happy with my lessons it seems. Starting next week I am going to start showing sections of Mary Poppins and teach them new phrases and songs through that film. I think they will like it, but maybe not...

Canyon City wants to hire me I think, so I might just take that job and see how I like it. I need to get my foot in the door somehow.

5-8

Me, along with a lot of other foreign teachers, are at the "ready to be over with this" stage I think. The excitement has worn off, and the tediousness of the job is really starting to get to me. Teaching in China does not have very many perks at all, especially when the school adds classes to your schedule last minute. Last night at about 9:30 pm, I was told that I would be teaching a class to the entire school body on the soccer field at 8:30 am. I told Sunny that I did not have enough time to prepare, as I was heading to bed, and to please postpone it. He said that it was already set in stone and I HAD to be there at 8:30 to teach the entire school. I didn't realize I have stage fright until I walked up on stage and looked down at all of the students, teachers, and administrators of the school. My lesson was not that amazing, but I don't feel too bad because I didn't have time to prepare for such a mighty task. One thing I will not miss is the Chinese system of doing things.

My weekend was pretty amazing. I went to the Chengdu Zoo, and although the conditions weren't as nice as I was hoping, I got to ride a camel and hug a seal, which are things I wouldn't get to do in America as easily. Ryan and I walked around, and all of a sudden saw a man, a camel, an Egyptian backdrop, and a camera. I then saw the sign that said 10 yuan for a picture (the sign was in Chinese, but I could read the 10 and the rest was obvious just by looking at the situation.) There was no one around, so I decided why not!!! The camel looked friendly enough. The man helped me on the camel, and Whoolah, there I was, riding a camel. When I say I rode him, I am exaggerating of course because I was only on the camel for about 5 minutes, and the man simply guided him to the Egyptian backdrop for a picture. STILL....I was on a camel and got a feel for what it would be like to actually ride one. I felt a bit lopsided, but I don't know if the saddle was on straight. Apparently the camel didn't like me that much because he started making a lot of noise as though my mere presence was irritating. He walked slowly and with little energy, so if I had to choose between a horse or a camel, I would pick the camel. I definitely wouldn't get bucked off easily, since it would take effort on the camel's part. This camel acted as though walking was hard enough, so I felt very safe. Even though the camel didn't like me much, I adored him!!! By the time I was done taking pictures with the camel, a huge crowd had formed, and all of the Chinese bystanders decided they too wanted their picture taken with the camel.

After the camel, we spent time watching the polar bear who was in REALLY tough condition. Well, most of the animals were it seemed. Ryan said that the Chinese signs said NOT to feed the animals, but everyone was throwing food. Chocolate, peanuts, oranges, chips, popcorn--everything you can imagine was being fed to these animals, and no one was stopping them. It was really sad to see these animals deteriorating. I could barely stand the zoo any longer when we saw a man with a seal. Unlike the camel guy, this guy was busy, which is probably why the price was higher. Even though it cost twice as much to take a picture with the seal, I decided I had to do it. Ryan asked the guy if I could put my arm around the seal in the picture, and he said I could. Therefore, I got to touch the seal and give him a quick little hug. He was sooooo adorable!!!!

Our last stop was the petting zoo. We walked around, petted some goats, llamas, cows, and pigs. I felt like I was in Colorado again with all of the farm animals and was ready to leave after a few seconds of observing these creatures. Don't get me wrong--I love all animals, but I have seen all of these animals many times before. I went to college in Greeley, so not only was I surrounded by cows, but I had the great pleasure of getting to smell them for 4 years. Although I was bored looking at these animals, Ryan was amused and kept petting and feeding them. He has been a teacher in China for 10 years, so maybe that is why he thought these animals were so cool. He then pulled out a yuan, which has Chairman Mao printed on it, and gave it to a goat, and as the goat chewed up the paper, Ryan declared something in Chinese, while raising his hand to the sky. I asked him what he said, and he restated his phrase in English: "Mao tastes really really good!!! Yum, yum!!!" I walked away, pretending I didn't know him but glanced back to see tons of Chinese people staring at him in horror while a few people laughed. Ryan really likes to get people's attention. He then decided he had to get a picture of a goat eating a yuan and refused to leave until I took a picture. He said he knew his Chinese friends would love the picture because in the end, most Chinese despise Mao. I then asked Ryan why the Chinese seemed horrified by his phrase, and he said that they were telling him not to feed the animals money because it is bad for them. So, it turns out the people were upset about his feeding paper to the animals, not his phrase about Mao.

Speaking of Mao, the other day when Ryan and I were walking home a Chinese man asked us what we thought of Chairman Mao. I asked Ryan if I could be honest, and he warned me not to say anything. The man then said that he loathes Chairman Mao and wonders how such an individual could have come to power. We didn't say anything and walked away. Ryan then said that I need to be very careful because there are secret police everywhere; there is one lurking behind every corner and no one is safe. He then looked at me for a while and said, "Hm...in fact I think you might be working for 'them.' I will need to keep my eye on you." I laughed and asked who "them" is, but he kept a serious face and said, "You can't trick me. You know who I am talking about." I think he was really serious, and every once in a while he says he knows I work for "them." I think he is just really paranoid. Greg from the Buckland Group said Ryan's nickname is Crazy But Not Wrong. I agree with the crazy part. Although I don't agree with hardly anything he says, he is an interesting person who has made me think in ways I never have before. He sure keeps things interesting.

5-9

I was looking through my pictures from the zoo and realized I left out the description of Happy the elephant. Happy the elephant (I gave him the name Happy because it fits him so well) is the most amazing elephant in the WORLD. Yes...I said in the entire world. As I was watching him smile and shake his head back and forth, I couldn't help but giggle. He was a depiction of pure and utter happiness, and seeing his ears flap back and forth was the most adorable thing I have EVER seen. I must say he is cuter than a panda. Yep!!! Cuter than a panda!!! Every time I look at a picture of Happy the Elephant I can't help but grin, and all of a sudden I am as happy as can be. His amazing happiness is contagious, so when you feel down or feel that life is just too hard, look at the picture of Happy. He will turn your frown upside down.

5-10

Brett, the principal of Canon City, wants to talk to me on Thursday, and I think he is going to offer me the job. I will then greatly accept it, finish my contract, and head home the beginning of July. I looked at the Canon City High School website and really like the schedule. I teach 3, 95 minute classes a day. I won't have as many students overall, and I will get to see the same students everyday, which will be nice. I teach from 7:45-2:45, have a 40 minute lunch, and I am pretty sure I get a 95 minute planning period. I think this is going to be AMAZING!!! I am looking forward to it, and I just know Brett wants to hire me. I will report to work August 14th and then school starts the 22nd. Most months I at least get one day off; I think there are a total of two months where I don't have any extra day off. I get summers off, and I already found this
amazing job for the summer. I would work on a reservation in Montana with children from the Crow tribe. I think this is the right move for me, and I am excited for a stable job where I am actually a teacher--not just a clown.

5-14

On Sunday I took bus 27 to the train station and then took the train to Mt. Qingchengshan, which is the most famous Taoist mountains in China. In fact, it is the birthplace of Taoism. The name of the mountain is translated to "heavenly view," "heaven on earth," or something about heaven. It is considered to be "Dong Tian Fu Di"-- "a wonderful mountain and happy place" or also "the fairyland on earth." I picked this up from talking to others and by reading short descriptions online. Everyone says something different, but I can tell you for sure that it was an amazing mountain to climb.

ALL Chinese mountains have steps. They are not like Colorado mountains but instead take much more focus and determination to climb. When I say Chinese mountains have steps, I mean they have steps the ENTIRE way up, not just sections. The steps are ancient, and while some have been rebuilt, others are decaying. Some steps are angled in such a way that you have to almost climb on all fours to get up. Other steps are so small that you have to walk sideways in order to keep your balance. At times I would encounter steps that were wet from water trickling down from a spring, so I had to be extra careful so as not to slip and fall to my death. Needless to say, it was a hard climb that took Jessie and I about 3 hours. As we were climbing, we passed temple after temple after temple. There was a strong smell of incense as we were climbing, so even though the mountain is known for having clean, fresh air, I didn't get a chance to breath it. At one point, we came to a temple that was inside the mountain. It is called Tianshi Cave and was the major temple and school of Zhang Daolin, a famous Taoist master who taught on the mountain and contributed greatly to spreading Taoism in China. It was really interesting. There was a group of Taoist, selling food outside the entrance, and I couldn't help but stare. One can tell Taoists apart from other Chinese based on how they do their hair. They tie their long hair up on the top of their head in a kind of knot. Their appearance is striking, and I was truly fascinated by them. Seeing the Taoist was definitely the highlight of my day.

We felt quite accomplished when we made it to the top but didn't celebrate too long because Jessie thought it would take us longer to get down. We didn't want to miss the last train back to Chengdu, so we hurried all the way back down. We took a different way that was much easier, and as we were descending, there was a huge bolder displayed with the date "2008" painted on it. I asked Jessie about it, and she said that it broke off the mountain during the 2008 earthquake. The 2008 earthquake devastated Sichuan Province, but this was the first time I had seen any evidence of the quake. In fact, when I was researching places to live, I almost decided against Chengdu because of the earthquake. I figured that the city would still be rebuilding, and I didn't want to be surrounded by construction. Although there is a lot of construction going on in this city, you would never know a massive 7.9-magnitude earthquake hit this region of China only a few years ago. I found a detailed article from the New York Times, describing the earthquake and the damage it did. The article was updated May 6, 2009 and explains how "On the afternoon of May 12, 2008, a 7.9-magnitude earthquake hit Sichuan Province, a mountainous region in Western China, killing about 70,000 people and leaving over 18,000 missing and 300,000 injured. Over 15 million people lived in the affected area, including almost 4 million in the city of Chengdu. Since the Tangshan earthquake in 1976, which killed over 240,000 people, China has required that new structures withstand major quakes. But the collapse of schools, hospitals and factories in several different areas around Sichuan has raised questions about how rigorously such codes have been enforced during China's recent, epic building boom. . . . Thousands of the initial quake's victims were children crushed in shoddily built schools, inciting protests by parents. Local police harassed the protestors and the government criticized them. At least one human rights advocate who championed their cause was arrested. The Chinese government has refused to release the number of students who died or their names. But one official report soon after the earthquake estimated that up to 10,000 students died in the collapse of 7,000 classrooms and dormitory rooms. Reports emerged in July 2008 that local governments in the province had begun a coordinated campaign to buy the silence of angry parents whose children died during the earthquake. Most parents whose children died took a payment of about $8,800 from the local government and a guarantee of a pension in exchange for silence. In December 2008, government officials acknowledged in the most definitive report since the earthquake that many school buildings across the country are poorly constructed and that 20 percent of primary schools in one southwestern province may be unsafe. . . . By the first anniversary of the quake, mothers across the region were pregnant or giving birth again, aided by government medical teams dispensing fertility advice and reversing sterilizations. Because of China's policy limiting most families to having one child, the students who died were often their parents' only offspring. Officials say they hope a wave of births will help defuse the anger that many grieving parents harbor. But the wounds have festered, in part because the Chinese government, wary of any challenge to its authoritarian rule, has muffled the parents and quashed public discussion of shoddy school construction. As the anniversary of the quake again focused attention on Sichuan, the government intensified its campaign to silence the parents and the media, resorting to harassment by police and threats of imprisonment."

I read this before coming to Chengdu but still decided that the city had a lot to offer. I have to say the Chinese government did a great job rebuilding the province. Besides a bolder here and there, you really can't tell that anything serious ever happened in this area of China. So, I have to say the Chinese government knows how to get things done, even if it is only to keep their image. Ryan and I were talking about the earthquake the other day, and we both agreed our school wouldn't withstand a tiny aftershock. Although the new buildings might be built to par, the old buildings are left as they are, meaning if there was another earthquake, shoddy school buildings would still crumble and innocent children would die. But, hey!!! If your child dies, you are allowed to have another one, so no harm done, right? People still talk about the earthquake, but they know better than to protest.

After we saw the bolder and talked about the devastating earthquake, we headed to the base of the mountain. After climbing Mt. Emei Shan and Qingchengshan, I have come to the conclusion that there are two things one will encounter when climbing mountains in China:

One- There are always TONS of people on the mountain, so there is a crowd of people all climbing and descending the mountain together in one mass glob. Therefore, as you are climbing, you have to go the same speed as the person in front of you or push by. This can be scary when the steps get really steep or slippery. For instance, I was given the opportunity to walk behind a man who kept tripping up each step, exclaiming phrases in Chinese (probably something like, "Oh man!!! I can't climb one more step!!! This is so hard!! I am getting dizzy!!!" ). I started to wonder what would happen if this big Chinese man lost his balance and fell. I most certainly couldn't jump out of the way because my only option would be to jump off the mountain. I certainly couldn't catch him because he was the biggest Chinese man I have seen so far. So, my only option would be to let him fall on me and push me down the mountain. I would then fall on the next person and that person would then fall on the next. It would turn into the domino effect, and it wouldn't be pretty.

Two- Chinese women use climbing mountains as a photo opportunity, so they wear dresses and high heals. This climb was difficult for me in my tennis shoes, so I can't imagine what these women are thinking. I saw the same thing on Mt. Emei Shan and don't understand it at all. Colorado girls throw on some workout clothes, put on their running shoes, and then make the hike an intense workout, so I am not used to seeing women so prissy.

Once we made it down, I took the train back, had some food, and then jumped on the bus to my apartment. The nearest bus to my apartment is still over a mile away, so I then had to walk another 30 minutes home. It of course started to rain, but I made it back in one piece around 8:30. I was super exhausted and am pretty sore today, but it was worth it!!!

5-19

Since I have been in China, I have been asked the same question over and over again by strangers, students, friends, and co-workers: "Why did you decide to come to China?" No matter how many times I am asked this question, I always stumble with a correct response. I sometimes say, "There aren't any teaching jobs in Colorado right now, so I decided to teach here." Other times I say, "I wanted to do something extreme, so I could break out of my bubble and face all of my fears." With friends, I sometimes admit that I wanted to get away from the life I had built with my ex-boyfriend and start a new life where he couldn't define me. I can't honestly tell anyone the real, true reason I am here because I can't put my finger on it. I do know that I was wanting to do this months before I ended things with my boyfriend and that maybe coming to China was a way to prove to myself that I don't need a man or anyone for that matter to take care of me.

Since I have lived here, I have had very few friends. In the last 4 months, I have only had a few weekends where I spent time with others. I spend most of my time by myself, and if anyone knows me, they know that one of my BIGGEST fears in life is being alone. I have never liked sitting in my apartment alone, living alone, or being single. I am a people person, but because of my love for people, my happiness was sometimes determined by staying busy and spending time with others. Although I thoroughly enjoy socializing, by coming to China I have proven once and for all that I am a strong individual who can stand alone. I do not need anyone to take care of me, and I realize now I can learn a lot from myself by sitting alone, listening to my thoughts. Granted, if my mom and Dennis weren't there to Skype with me every week, I might go crazy because everyone needs at least someone to talk to and get advice from. Even though my Mom and Dennis have been really busy with selling their house and moving, they have always found time for me, which means more to me than anything. Even though we are a world apart, I feel closer to them than I ever have before. I also feel closer to all of my family--my aunts, uncles, and cousins. When they read my blog and write comments, I feel like they are here with me, experiencing every hardship and every moment of excitement. There are people who I thought would keep in touch who haven't and others who have made a point to correspond with me when I never talked to them much back home. It is interesting what distance can do.

As of now, I think I have learned everything I can from China. China has changed me in a specific way--a way that will never fade but will most likely blossom with time. I wouldn't say China has transformed me into a different person, but this country has helped me see myself in a different light, which has, ultimately, made me look at everything from a different angle. Although I have changed before my very eyes, I am still an American girl at heart. I can dress up in traditional Chinese clothing, eat Chinese food, and say Chinese phrases, but I still have an American identity. When I moved here, I sold my car and packed everything away, thinking that I might be one of those people who decides to stay here for years. I know a lot of people who fall in love with this life style, so I wanted to be prepared in case the same thing happened to me. I love China for so many things, but I am not meant to live here long-term. I will always cherish the time I spent here, and I hope I can always look back at this time in my life and remember that China changed me into a strong, well-rounded individual.