2-17

I was greeted at the airport with a bouquet of flowers. Then Sonny, the guy who picked me up and also the 8th grade Department Head, said "You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen...with the most luggage I have ever seen." Hehehehe. Everyone has been giving me such a hard time about my luggage. So, it was a pretty good start. Sonny then takes me to my cold, dirty apartment and leaves. It is 11:30 pm. Five minutes after he leaves, my power goes out. I decide to take care of it in the morning and try with all my might to sleep on the exceedingly hard bed; I might as well sleep on the floor. The morning arrives, and I decide to go downstairs to tell security about my electricity being out. I have my mandarin book and say "bu dian." They don't seem to care but keep saying words I don't understand. I then point at their phone, miming that I need to make a call. They point at the convenient store behind them. I get angry and start throwing my hands in the air, pointing at their phone. They shake their heads at me. I go back up to the 7th floor and begin crying in the hallway. Chinese people are looking at me, shaking their heads. I feel completely and utterly lost. Am I going to be stuck here all weekend without power? I then go back inside my apartment and find a random cell phone on the counter. I try to use it, but it doesn't have any power. I would charge it, but I have no electricity. I take the cell phone down to the convenient store and point at my phone, put it to my ear, and said, "bu," shaking my head. They seem to get what I mean. They somehow get across that there aren't any minutes on the phone, and they show me a card that can give me minutes. I nod my head "yes." I pay 50 yuan and now have some minutes. I don't know how many; I guess I will find out when I run out. I then try to make a call....oh but wait!!! I don't have any battery because I can't charge my phone. In desperation, I run over to the security guards and throw my phone down on the counter and pretend to hit it. I pull out Greg's number (the guy I turn to in a crisis) and show them the number. They dial the number, and I tell Greg that I need electricity NOW. He tells me to go get some lunch and enjoy life while he fixes the problem. Within 15 min. I have power!!!! Yay Greg!!! You are my favorite Chinese person in the world!!!! After doing a happy dance, I jump on my computer that is now charging. What? No internet? What am I going to do all weekend!!! I call Greg. He says he will get it fixed Monday. I am not exactly thrilled but decide to get over it. I will take a nice relaxing shower to calm my nerves. I get in the shower, put some shampoo in my hair, then rinse......oh no!!! What happened to the water??? It is cold!!!! I guess I only get 2 minute showers from now on. I will have to put shampoo in my hair, turn off the water to rub it in, turn the water on to rinse, turn the water off to put conditioner in my hair, turn it on to rinse, but still, towards the end of turning the water on and then off, I will end up with cold water when rinsing. I complained about it today, and Sonny came over and turned the water on. There was hot water. I keep telling him it only stays that way for a few minutes. He leaves it on for 30 seconds, and it is still hot, which makes him believe my shower is fine. I guess that is one thing I am going to have to live with.

I get up this morning, and Sonny says he will take me to the school. For some reason I thought he was going to pick me up in a car, but he hands me my bike. It is pouring rain, and I am wearing my best clothes. I have to make a good first impression, right? I get on my bike and follow him on his motor bike, pedaling as fast as I can to keep up. We bike and bike and bike. Turn here, turn there. Does he think I will remember this? Am I paying close enough attention? Shoot, does he know that I am directionally challenged? We eventually get to school, but then I have to go through security and secure my bike, making me late for my first class. I run into the classroom and there are 50 Chinese students all staring at me. My hair is all damp and frizzy from the rain, my nose is running, my glasses are sprinkled with drops of rain, but what do I hear? "You are soooooo beautiful!!! Most beautiful foreigner we have ever had!!!" Wow...really? I look like a drowned rat...but if you think I am beautiful, then it must be true.

I can't get sidetracked by their charm. I was told I must be strict or they will tear me apart. I stand on the platform, "My name is Tara. Please repeat after me. Tar-a." They repeat. I have them repeat again. Good they know my name. I continue, " I am from Colorado. Does anyone know where that is?" Silence. They do not know. I say, "Colorado is in America." Ohhhhhhh. Wowwwwwwww. Cooooool. I then draw a map of the U.S. and show them where Colorado is. They get excited. I then tell them that my favorite singer is (I write it on the board) Micheal Jackson. Ohhhhhhh. Wowwwwwww. Coooool. I then tell the class that I want each of them to stand up and tell me their English name (they all have one that that picked a while ago) and also their favorite singer/band. They listed quite a few Chinese artists I don't know, but a lot of the girls said they love Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga. A lot of the boys said they like Michael Jackson. I even had one student say he loved the Backstreet Boys. Oh...and I can't forget the Taylor Swift fans. Anyway, this was a hard activity because all of the students kept talking when they were supposed to be listening. I was really frustrated and told them they were being rude. I wasn't very nice, but they all seem to love me anyway. I wish they weren't so talkative. With 50 students, I am having a hard time. The Chinese teachers told me they are always pushing the foreign teachers and to make sure to be really strict. I am going to have to work on this. I then explained the word "goal" and asked them to write down their goal for the class. What do they want to learn? The classes I teach aren't worth a grade. I can't motivate them through tests and scores; I have to help them motivate themselves. I was reading their responses today and didn't see much motivation, but maybe that can change. I have hope!!!

After teaching my classes, I am told I can go home. I get on my bike and what happens? I get lost? Yep....super duper lost. I eventually call Sonny. He laughs at me and says foreign girls are strange. It takes him an hour to find me. I went probably 4 miles out of my way. Everyone at school was in shock when they heard what happened. I am so embarrassed but then again,
I am a foreigner--I can get away doing things like this.

I met a girl in my office today named Jessie. She explained how she wants to study in Canada next school year and how she isn't like most Chinese girls since she wants to break away from here. She took me shopping for some supplies today, and I got oatmeal, peanut *************ers, yogurt, coffee, milk--all of the essentials. So, I am officially situated. I had a really hard weekend all by myself but feel better now that I have made a friend. Jessie isn't the kind of person I would usually choose to hang out with, but I know she will be good for me.

2-21

The kids were really bad today. They just won't listen. I told Sonny, thinking he could come in and help me, but he just said, "Oh...yeah...the kids just don't care about your class because they don't get a grade for it. Your class doesn't matter much, and they probably don't understand anything you are saying." Great!!!! I come all the way to China to just stand in front of a class and say, "Be quiet," over and over again.

I got lost biking to work today, but I made it back to my apartment without getting lost. Everyday I am dodging cars--I am on the road with tons of crazy drivers. I never thought I would be able to bike in such traffic, but I am doing a great job. Jessie told me I shouldn't bike because it isn't safe; she thinks I should take the bus. It is really scary biking around here because bikes and pedestrians are definitely not first. Cars are first, and you better get out of the way...or else!! I don't want to take the bus because I absolutely hate buses, so I am going to keep riding my bike. Maybe this will turn me into a biker after all.

2-22

I am really struggling at work. Every day gets worse because I dread it more and more. Only two more days and then some fun!!! Jessie is going to take me to the giant Mao statue on Saturday and then I am going out to dinner with her and her other foreign friend Laura.

Greg is in the process of finding a foreign teacher to teach the primary school students at my school. I told Greg to send me a cute guy with an accent. He didn't know what an accent was, so I had to explain. He said, "Ohhhhh...I see. I can try to get you a cute guy with a British accent." The other foreign teacher just arrived a few minutes ago, and he is old!!!! Over 50!!!! He doesn't have an accent, but he does have a grey beard. He seems kind of awkward but maybe he is just nervous. He was raised in Iowa but then moved to Nebraska, which explains why he is so strange. Just kidding everyone!!!

Learning Chinese is impossible. I took a Chinese class in Yangshuo and was completely lost. I also made note cards and have studied them for months. I am hopeless!!!! I can't remember anything I teach myself. I know how to say "hi" (nee-how), "how are you" (nee-how-mah), "thank you" (shia-shia), "not so spicy" (bu-lah), and "rice" (mee-fahn). How pathetic is that? Spanish is
nothing compared to Chinese!!! Jessie told me I won't survive here if I don't learn more phrases, so I guess I better try harder.

Sonny told me today that I have a German accent. Hm...I wonder if that is a compliment or an insult? Do I sound German? I don't see how that is possible. I told him that I don't have an accent, but he insists that I do. This discussion was brought up during my teacher training class. It says on my schedule "Teacher Training: 9 am." I thought this was some kind of training for all of the teachers because no one said anything to me about teaching adults. In this class, I am expected to teach all of the 8th grade and primary school teachers. I didn't know this, though, so I got to the office and sat down with the other teachers. They are all looking at me. Why do they keep looking at me? Stop looking at me!!! Then Jessie kindly tells me, "We are here to improve our English. Can you teach us?" What? I am supposed to teach all of the teachers I work with? Talk about pressure. I told them I had no idea I was expected to teach them, so I don't have a lesson plan. Can we all just talk in English for the period and start lessons on Friday? They were fine with this. They told me that although they can all speak English and understand me, they can never understand what is being said in American movies. They wanted to know why American actors are impossible to understand, and I told them it is probably because they talk really fast. The teachers said it isn't that--it is something else. I decided it is probably because they all have German accents. Hehehehehe. Anyway, I asked them if it was safe to eat the meat in the cafeteria since I really don't want to eat dog. They said that people don't eat dog in Chengdu. Well that is a relief!!! I told them that I really want to try scorpion on a stick, which is famous in Beijing. They didn't recognize the word "scorpion." Cool!!! I am teaching them a new word. Scorpion--I draw a horrible depiction of the creature, but they get it. They officially know how to say scorpion in English. Think about the difference I am making. Think to yourself...how many times have you said the word scorpion? Oh well...I tried, but my first adult lesson was an epic failure.

2-24

I always thought "culture shock" was something to fear. Everyone warned me, saying "You will definitely suffer from culture shock. Be prepared!!" I decided to look up the definition, and Merriam Webster dictionary labels culture shock as "a sense of confusion and uncertainty sometimes with feelings of anxiety that may affect people exposed to an alien culture or environment without adequate preparation." Hm...I obviously suffer from confusion since I couldn't find the way back to my apartment and buying anything can sometimes be a confusing and frustrating ordeal, but I wouldn't say I am any more confused than I was before. I got lost all of the time in Colorado. Sense of uncertainty...well yeah, of course I am uncertain. I am uncertain of how to say basic phrases in Mandarin, of whether or not to eat half the things I am eating, and the list goes on. Is this a big deal though? Most definitely not. So, I am either suffering from culture shock but find it more exciting than scary, or I am not suffering from any form of culture shock. I really don't know. All I know is that all of the people from my orientation kept referring to their immense culture shock. Maybe they were suffering from a small dose of culture shock, but I didn't see anyone struggling with anxiety, confusion, or uncertainty. I think more than anything, we are all suffering from an overabundance of excitement. I can simply walk down the street and find everything I look at fascinating. I love how every day is an adventure. When you live in the same place your whole life, you become numb to your surroundings and go home after a long day and space out in front of your TV or your computer. Here, I haven't watched a single moment of TV. Granted, if I tried, it would all be in Chinese, but still, I don't miss watching TV that much. I also don't watch movies or sit around all night like I used to. I like to go out as much as possible because there is so much to see and explore. I walked around the music park that is right outside my apartment and was mesmerized by the pure beauty of this place. There was a lady singing opera in the park, and other Chinese women were dancing around her while people were flying electric kites that were all lit up with different colors. I walked around and couldn't get enough. I eventually came home and started reading a book, and from my apartment, I could hear the lady singing opera from the park. I never play music on my computer anymore because I don't need to. Every day I can hear the music from the park. I simply love China!!

2-27

All night my nose kept running and running, so I had to keep getting up to blow my nose. I, therefore, didn't get a good night's sleep at all. Mondays are always the worst because I have to get up super early for the flag ceremony. So, I bike to work, swerving in and out of traffic and get there in time for the ceremony, which is pretty much 15 minutes of standing outside in the cold. The students all stand in perfect lines and salute the flag as it rises to the national anthem. Then some teachers stand up and talk in Chinese for 10 minutes. I have no idea what they are saying, but I am guessing it has something to do with the week and what is expected from each and every student. I was too busy blowing my nose to pay too much attention. I then spend the rest of the day struggling through my classes. I taught 1 primary school class today. The students are 10 years old and simply adorable. Maybe I should be teaching primary school? I really like high school students, but middle school kids, no matter what country, are not for me. That is definitely the worst age. I end my day teaching the most adorable kids in China and am then off to my welcome dinner. Chinese schools always provide a welcome dinner for their foreign teachers. It is their way of saying "thank you for being part of our staff, and we are very happy and excited to have you." Sonny asked Tony and I what we wanted, and I said that I was up for anything--even though really good pizza was what I was hoping for. Tony suggested hot pot, which is what Sichuan in known for. I heard about hot pot before coming to China but was never really thrilled about having it. It is pretty much a hot pot of peppers and oil in which you add other items that you choose. I went with it, but was a little worried, especially with my already runny nose. We get there, and Sonny orders the following items for the hot pot: shrimp, beef, cow intestine, pig throat (the actual lining of the pig's throat), fish, 5 different types of mushrooms, spinach, and onion. All of these items are brought separately and placed on the table. They are not part of the the hot pot yet. The hot pot itself is placed in the center of the table, so it is easy to add things as you go. We started with the beef, which was amazing. Granted the hot pot sauce itself is pretty spicy, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. In fact, the food my Mom tends to cook is a billion times more spicy, such as that chili relleno casserole (Mom...you know what I am talking about). Don't get me started with Dennis. Although he doesn't cook as often, his food is even spicier than my Mom's!!! He thinks Tabasco sauce should be in everything!!! Although I always complained about the unnecessary spiciness of their food, I guess I should be thankful because I handled the hot pot in style. I had told everyone that I couldn't handle spicy food, so they were shocked when I was adding extra hot pot sauce to my mushrooms. They said that if I could handle the hot pot, I could handle anything in China, so I guess I had no reason to fear the food. China doesn't know what real spicy food tastes like.

The procedure of eating hot pot wasn't as easy though. You are given a small dish that contains oil. You then add fresh bits of garlic and oregano--as much as you want--to the oil and stir it around. I think they were horrified to see how much garlic I put in my oil, but I couldn't resist. Sonny them encouraged me to add oyster oil, so I did, and he also threw some white stuff in my oil, but he couldn't explain what it was. All he said was that it wasn't salt. Once you have your oil all mixed up, you use your chopsticks to pluck different items out of the hot pot. You are then supposed to dip the item into your oil to cool it down and to add extra flavor. You then shove the food in your mouth and say, "Whooo...spicy...hot, hot, hot," as you start digging more items out of the pot. I think Sonny said, "Whoooo...very spicy" after every bite. My nose of course started running even more, but it wasn't a big deal because everyone else was also struggling with the same problem. My favorite part of the meal was when we got pumpkin bread bites; they were amazing little bites of heaven with actual pumpkin in the middle. I am so proud of myself!!! I survived my first hot pot, and once I left, my cold felt like it wasn't as bad as before. Maybe I should get hot pot every time I feel sick.

Overall, the job is the worst part right now. This is my second week, and it has been better than my first, but starting a new job is always so stressful, especially when everyone you work with speaks Chinese. I feel so lost half of the time because I am not included in any of the conversations. I feel isolated. The students don't listen to me either because they are too busy talking. I thought they would be better behaved, but they are worse than the kids in Colorado. They are great in their other classes, but they take advantage of their foreign teachers.

3-1

I tried teaching five words this week: annoying, envious, furious, horrible, and wonderful. I have pretty much lost my voice from talking so loud. I tried everything and put my all into teaching them these words, and I don't think they know any of them. I don't know what I should do. I am in shock with the behavior of the students. I think the school considers me a babysitter that will expose the kids to English just by being in the room. They don't get a chance to speak in English with a foreigner very often, so that is what I am for. They also have to listen to me talk, which will help them better understand what the English language sounds like. They're taught English by Chinese teachers whose English skills aren't the best, so the students pronounce everything wrong. They add an "a" to the end of every word, and I don't know why. Instead of saying, "I am going to the store," they say, "I am-a going-a to-a the-a store-a." It is very strange, but I do recall doing the same thing up until 3rd grade I believe. I could be wrong, but I remember one of my elementary teachers pointing it out to me. Therefore, my conclusion is that although my students range from 14-15 years old, I am actually teaching the ability level of a young child. The two year olds that I worked with at Kindercare spoke a lot more English than my Middle School students in China do, so I think I need to look at them as elementary students and not middle school students. I teach one elementary class a week, and they have a great deal of enthusiasm, which makes teaching fun at times. Their English is even more limited, though, so it is really hard to communicate. It took me a whole class just to get them to understand the game Red Light Green Light. When we went outside to play the game, they didn't play it right, leading me to believe they didn't understand the rules I explained. Although my middle school students can understand me a little bit better, they have lost all of their excitement and simply do their homework or continuously talk to their friends. I guess there are pros and cons to both age groups.

3-2

I just got done deep cleaning my apartment, and there were mouse ***** behind my fridge and under the counter in my kitchen. I hope I don't have to deal with mice!!! I also found roach killer under my cabinets. I hear the summer weather brings the bugs out. We will see what happens, but I refuse to live with mice and cockroaches.

Although my job is very stressful, the people I work with are very nice, which really helps. I love the people I work with!!!! It seems like it is always one way or the other. You love what you do, but you can't stand the people you work with; or you love the people you work with but can't stand the job. I spend a lot of time sitting in the office between classes, so I am thrilled I can enjoy my time with the other teachers. I look forward to the conversations we have in between classes, and although they struggle with their English, they love learning new phrases and words. The other day I said, "Bye. I am heading out." They were quite confused by this phrase, so I explained that it meant I was leaving. What they didn't understand, was the word "heading" because it implied that only my head was going out, when in reality my whole body was leaving. I never looked at it that way before, which is why I love conversing with them. They make me analyze my own language and realize how strange and complicated it can be. I then said that you can "head" in a certain direction and to think of it that way. Now, every single day they say, "I'm heading out," or, "Are you heading out soon?" It is their favorite phrase. I simply adore their desire to use English.

3-3

It is on days like this, when I am sitting in my apartment alone, that I really get homesick. I can't believe I still have 4 months to go!!! That seems like way too long. I am pretty lonely, but I think the job and the craziness of living in a huge city are keeping my mind busy. I don't have much time to dwell on my loneliness.

Sonny, the 8th grade Department Head, told me that I am trying too hard at work. He said that whether or not the students learn anything isn't important because just being in the classroom shows the students that there are people in the world that speak English, which is why they need to know the language. He said to teach them about American culture and not to focus on teaching them anything else. I only see my classes once a week and have a total of 17 different classes, with 50 students in each class. I am teaching the entire 7th and 8th grade body, along with one primary school class. The other teachers get to see their students every day. So, I am given the hardest schedule of all because I have 800 7th and 8th grade students a week and that isn't including my 2 adult classes. My adult classes are small though, as there are only ten adults in each class, but I still need to add another 20 students. So, in a given week, I have 820 students that I am supposed to teach. Can you believe that?

I will try to be positive, but it is hard when you are overwhelmed with the amount of students surrounding you at any given time. Not to mention they are always talking to me in Chinese.

3-4

It is really cold today. I walked to a monastery, but it is just too cold, so I just couldn't wait to get back. I forgot that my apartment is just as cold as outside, so I guess I could have continued walking. Oh well.

I had the best lunch today though. The cook made me up some fresh home-made noodles--I watched him make them from scratch--with hot sauce, potato slices, and beef. Simply amazing. Like Dennis, I needed something from the bakery after lunch. I wasn't hungry, but I like something sweet after eating my main course. I paid quite a bit for two tiny pastries. One was a bite size pie with a custard inside. It was just okay, but I think Dennis would have loved it. The other pastry was a doughnut ball--at least I thought it was. I took a bite of it, and it had a dark sauce inside that tasted pretty good. In the very center, there was a yellow hard ball. I took a bite of it and made myself swallow the salty yet familiar center. I took the yellow ball out of the center of the pastry and smelled it. It didn't smell like anything. I then took a teeny bite of the yellow ball. It wasn't sweet but instead kind of salty. My conclusion is that it was a dried out egg yoke. Either way, it was not good. It wasn't the right texture or flavor I was wanting in the middle of my yummy doughnut bite, so I decided to throw that part away. Some of the pastries are really good here, while others are a little too strange. Maybe I shouldn't buy any more pastries that have a surprise center.

3-6

I have really been struggling as a teacher in China. I have never had such a hard time getting through a lesson, but I survived two weeks without showing any emotion. Everything fell apart today though. I put together this really fun lesson where I teach the students about American food, explain the vocab (appetite, appetizer, main course, dessert, chef, and menu), and then have them make their own American menus with U.S prices listed. I brought colored pencils, so they could decorate their menus and make an exciting cover. I thought this was a great activity because the first week of school I had them write down what they wanted to learn during the semester, and a lot of students wrote that they wanted to learn about American food. Well, for class 7.6 (grade 7, class 6), the lesson was a complete failure. I spent most of the class, trying to calm them down. Two students in the front kept crawling on the floor, and the students in the back were throwing things. With 50 students, I couldn't even yell over them to get their attention. The first week I taught them, they were horrible, but last week they were better because another teacher was observing me. Then today, they were worse than ever. One group decided to draw inappropriate pictures on their menu because I guess that is what their restaurant served. They wouldn't give me their menu but instead tried to hide it, so I walked over to the student and started going through his desk and found the menu. I now have proof of how bad this class is. I sent the two kids who were acting like animals, crawling on the floor, to the 8th grade office. I then tried to focus the rest of the group, but the kids in the back were still throwing things. I took one of the students out into the hall and told him to "STOP throwing things." I have to talk in simple English; otherwise, they have no idea what I am saying. This calmed things down, but then the bell rang. I walked to my office and without warning started crying. The other teachers wanted to know what was wrong, but I was so upset all I could do was point at the various inappropriate pictures drawn all over the one menu I took from my student. I then said, "They are supposed to be making American menus, but they won't listen to me at all. I spent the whole class trying to get them to be quiet."

The warning bell rang for my next class. I knew I needed to get myself together, so I wiped away my tears and headed out the door for my next class. I walked in after the final bell, but this class is a lot better. I think they could tell I was a little upset, but I acted like I was fine. I ran in and said, "Good afternoon, class!!!" in which they responded, "Good afternoon!!!" I then jumped into my lesson and felt much better once I saw how there were decent kids in China after all.
Their menus turned out great. After class, I went back to the office where all of the teachers were waiting to see if I was okay, and they all patted me on the back and said they also cry some days after teaching. Sonny said that 7.6 is the worst 7th grade class in the school and
that every teacher struggles with them. He said they don't understand English at all, and they all get bad grades. In China, they clump students together based on skills and grades. Therefore, all of the really good students are together in a class, and all of the struggling ones are together. I don't like how they do this. Granted, my good classes are amazing!!! They make teaching seem easy, but the tough classes are so unfocused and crazy that I want to quit teaching altogether. There needs to be some kind of balance. Only a few of my classes are good, making most of my classes miserable to teach. The tough ones take so much of my energy that by the time I get to a good class, I can hardly get myself to teach effectively. I don't know how I am going to survive 4 months of teaching in China. This is so much harder than I expected it to be. I thought the kids would be 100% better than American kids, but I guess it doesn't matter what country you live in--kids will be kids. I know that I will be able to handle any school in America after teaching here for 4 months. This whole experience will make me a better teacher in the end.

3-7

I have 12 other classes just like 7.6. I had an intern observe me today when I was teaching 8.7 (grade 8, class 7), and she was in shock with how they treated me. She tried to help me get control but even she couldn't. She then talked to the other teachers, and they all said that if the kids are being really bad to just stand there and not teach at all. I said, "But they will just use the class as a chance to hang out and have fun...they will be happy." They said to get the head teacher to come in and take over the class if it gets too bad. They also said I can just walk out of the class if they are bad and refuse to teach. I asked, "But what if something happens in the classroom after I leave? Aren't I liable if a kid gets hurt or something?" They just looked at me in confusion and said, "No...of course not. Just walk out and don't let it get to you." I can't believe they are encouraging me to leave the class alone. This seems crazy!!! Sonny said he talked to the Principal, and she said the same thing--to just walk out of the class and not teach them. I have 5 classes that are pretty good, so I am glad I have some classes where I can just teach and not focus so much on management. 12 of my classes, though, are simply horrible, but how can I just give up and walk out the door? I can't do that. I have to at least try to teach something because a good teacher doesn't give up--no matter how hard it gets. I really believe that I can make a difference in these kids lives; I just need to find a method that works.

3-8

I slept pretty good last night because I didn't have to go to work today, since the kids are taking tests. Sleeping has been an issue for me ever since I started teaching because I am so overwhelmed. I came here not only for the experience but also to help my resume so that maybe I can get a teaching job in Colorado some day. I feel that if I can survive this, I will be able to survive anything. I will just have to look forward to the fun aspects of China instead of focusing all of my attention on teaching. I always noticed the best teachers are those who can enjoy life outside of school. If you focus every single moment and thought on your job, no matter what profession, your mind will become so flustered that you won't be able to perform as well at work. Therefore, I am going to try to find time to meditate every day for 30 minutes. Maybe meditation is exactly what I need in order to relax and find a sense of peace.

3-10

I decided to get out for the day. I didn't even turn my computer on because I knew it would just keep me from getting out as soon. The sun was actually out!!! It was simply amazing. I walked around the music park, got tons of pictures, and walked for another 3 hours around the city. I explored a lot of different stores but am still shocked at how expensive everything is. The only thing that is super cheap here is the food. Jessie asked if I wanted to hang out, and I said that I would love to!!! She told me to go to the bus stop by the bank and to catch the number 8 bus to meet her. I stood at the bus stop for 20 minutes but never saw a number 8 bus. I then looked at the chart and realized that that stop didn't have the number 8 bus. I called Jessie, and she guided me to another bus stop that had the right bus. I stood there and a number 8 bus came to my stop. Great!!!! Oh...wait, there isn't enough room for anyone to get on. A man with a HUGE sack of apples was trying to push his way onto the bus, but it was too crowded for him as well. I will just wait for the next one I tell myself. Here comes the next number 8 bus. Oh wow....it is super packed. Hm...I will just have to push my way on. I jump on but have to stand on the first step going into the bus. The man with the big sack of apples is also determined to get on. He starts banging the sack of apples into me. He just keeps pushing and pushing and then starts banging the bag of apples against my legs. I get really upset and start saying some words I shouldn't and get off the bus. Everyone is looking at me. Although they didn't understand my slur of words, they could all tell I was angry. I call Jessie, and say, "Honestly...the bus system in China is horrible. There is no way to even get on a bus, and if you actually do get on one, a man with a large sack of apples will find a way to get you off--even if it means hitting you over and over again with a sack of apples. People are so rude here!!!! I can't believe this place!!! I'm sorry, but I am not even going to try to take a bus today. We will have to hang out another time." She is laughing on the other end of the line and says, "I think you are finally experiencing some culture shock." Maybe she is right. Today was the first time I felt so out of place. How people can act simply crazy when a bus approaches is completely beyond me. I have never been the type to take a bus, so maybe it is like this in the U.S. I have a feeling it is probably pretty bad in areas such as New York, but I think China's bus system is probably the worst in the world because there is simply too many people here. After my crazy day with the bus, I decided to see how many people actually live in Chengdu, and I found the results quite astounding. 14,867,959 people live in Chengdu, and it is not that big area-wise. I then researched New York and found that 8,391,881 people live in that city. Therefore, the city I live in is crazier, busier, more populated, and, I guarantee, dirtier than New York City, which explains why I got lost so easily my first couple of days here.

3-15

I don't know if I have made this clear, but my favorite part of China is the food. You can get a meal for 8 yuan, which is about 1 dollar. You can spend TONS on a meal if you go to a nice restaurant though. I try to find a place that is busy but cheap because you never want to go to a restaurant that doesn't have people in it, for it says something. There are so many things I LOVE about China, but teaching isn't one of them. I am starting to wonder again if teaching is what I am meant to do. My friend Marcia keeps on telling me that I am meant to be a teacher. She has seen me teach and thinks I am amazing at encouraging students and explaining things in a way they can understand. Maybe I shouldn't give up yet. Although teaching is the hardest job I have ever had, I find that it can also be the most rewarding--even in China.

I saw the pandas last weekend and just downloaded all of the pictures onto my computer. I think I took 500 pictures while at the Chengdu Panda Reserve. Before coming to China, I spent months researching different cities in China, and Chengdu stood out to me the most, mainly because of the pandas. Chengdu is known specifically for two things: spicy food and pandas. When deciding on my destination, I wasn't excited about the spicy Sichuan food and almost decided on a different area, but now that I have tried it, I absolutely love it. Between the pandas and the food, I definitely picked the best city to live in.

3-17

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!! The Chinese do not celebrate this holiday. In fact, they don't even know what it is!!! I was asking the other teachers what they were doing for St. Patrick's Day this weekend, and they said they had never heard of that holiday. You would think China would celebrate any holiday that requires drinking. I met this guy named Tom in my apartment complex. He is from England and is the only other foreigner I have seen in months. Chengdu has a lot of foreigners, but I haven't seen any. Tom said that you have to go to the foreign bars to find the expats. So, last night we went to the Shamrock, an Irish Pub that is famous for having only foreigners, and I had an absolute blast. There were probably a hundred foreigners there, mostly from England. When it comes to expats, there seems to be mostly English people. I don't know why the English flock to China, but so far, every single English person that I have talked to states that England is very boring. I always thought England seemed exciting, but now I am starting to wonder what it is really like. Even if it is a boring country, it is still high on my list of places to visit.


3-18

It is really hard getting around this city by yourself, but I did manage to take a bus back to my apartment today--all by myself!!! This might not seem like a big deal, but because the bus map is in Chinese along with the announcements for the stops, getting around can be quite difficult. The only way to know when to get off is to look for recognizable landmarks. This can be impossible at times because there are large buildings in every direction. Luckily, I live close to the TV tower, so if I get super lost or get off at the wrong stop, I can simply head towards the TV tower and eventually find my way.

3-20

My teaching is not getting any better. Today I tried playing Simon Says with my 15 year olds--the easiest game in the world, but they have no clue. I really don't think they know a word of English. They all just kept talking when I was trying to explain the rules of the game. I then said, "Does anybody know what I am saying?" They all just kept talking. I then walked up to a student who was paying attention and asked, "Do you know what I am saying?" He said, "I don't speak English good." I have no idea how to teach them. How can I teach them when they don't understand anything I say? I really don't know what to do. I feel horrible because I want to do a good job, but I really can't teach these students. Some of my classes have better English, but others don't speak a single word. It is very frustrating because teaching is hard enough without a language barrier. I really need some visuals for my classes, but I am not spending my paycheck (only $700 a month) on school supplies. The school didn't provide me with any sort of book or teaching materials, so I have nothing to work with at all. I know I could do a much better job if I had something to work with.

Once again, the teachers I work with are so nice!! They bought me some pineapple and an orange. I ate them and was surprised by how different they taste, as they don't taste as sweet but instead have more of a neutral flavor; they also don't seem as acidic. They were both pretty good, but I didn't like how bland the orange was. After work, I came home and waited for Nicole to stop by, and although she got a little lost, she eventually made it over. We had some dinner, walked around the music park, and then found a tea house. I have been in China for 2 months, and this was my first time in a tea house. I was amazed with how relaxing it was and how each sip of tea brought a smile to my face and a sense of calm to my mind. I think I am going to make a habit of going to the tea houses. While at the tea house, 4 different people asked if they could get their picture taken with us. I don't know if I will ever get used to the attention I get here. Even the students who don't know any English can somehow say, "So beautiful..so very very beautiful," the moment I walk into class. I guess I could get used to that.