The coldest winter to hit Miami. You've got to laugh.....

Ok, so as per normal my trips never go to plan.

Two days before I leave I realise I haven't actually got any sort of plan in action.I don't have a daypack, I have no idea of even what to stuff in my ridiculously heavy bag and my feet haven't touched the ground for at least a month. So I do as I normally do in this situation. Wing it!

Quickly I realise that my new and expensive daypack wasn't going to arrive in time from Germany, no matter how many panicked phone calls I make, no matter how much I stuck my bottom lip out and no matter how much I mentally willed the truck driver to sort his life out and do something good in the world for once. Now if I thought this was the last of my problems I was wrong…

I reluctantly leave the night before my flight with my unusually calm brother doing the driving and managing to not kill us all or make me an orphan while driving back with my mum after. We have a bit of Satnav fun thrown in but I think that's the norm nowadays, hey Bertie ;)

I would also just like to add here, for anyone curious, that the Heathrow Ibis Hotel is like an American Motel where cheap men go for cheaper women. It isn't nice and it isn't pretty. Thank god for the company.

So anyway, I get to the airport at about 8.15am the next morning. Farah arrives soon after and while we wait to get her baggage checked in we discuss what to eat for breakfast, what to buy in duty free and about how we're hoping it's hot in Miami so we can get out thongs out (I kid,I kid). We also fail to realise a few important things…. So we go through security and plant our little bums in a nice gastro style pub, excited for the big hearty breakfast ahead (as we haven't eaten all morning) until a young waiter informs us that our flight is actually boarding and our gate is a good 15mins walk/shuttle away and we have approximately 10minutes to get there!

Sh*tting ourselves suitably we run as fast as our little legs will allow and make it to the gate literally 2 minutes before closing, receiving some pretty impressive evils when Farah asks if she has time to run to the loo. Part of me would have actually preferred a big fat breakfast at that moment in time but with hungry bellies we head on anyway and await take off.

Not long into the flight I'm having a little moan (I know, rare for me. Ha) to Farah about my gammy finger when she mentions it looks infected. In true Susan style I decide to 'heal' it myself by giving it a good squeeze. Bad idea me thinks, and a little explosion erupted (sexy hmm)…so add that to my list of current injuries (bruise/scab from being beaten with Henry the Hoover, massive bruise like I've been punched on the throat, lump on the back of my head and a nice case of stress acne) it's fair to say I'm looking pretty sexual right now. So as we arrive at the Hostel I do as any sane person would do and shove my finger knuckle deep into a bottle of TCP.

So anyway, let's go back a little. At the Airport I manage to run into the Duty Free to purchase my lovely Clarins perfume and while looking about I spot a new delectable scent in the same range called summer something or other. I decide to throw caution to the wind and treat myself of this delightful bottle of goodness. I'm ever so excited with my new goods as it should make me smell like a beautiful summers day (well this is my thinking) and as we're coming into MIAMI BABY I decide to test out my new fragrance. I spray…..I smell….I literally almost heave and I think Farah almost voms on me too. All I can smell is old lady pants and It certainly isn't pretty! I look down and my bottom lip sticks out and slightly tremors …alas I had bought the wrong Clarins, the most disgusting Clarins scent ever to exist in, well, existence. (its called Clarins Eau Dynamisante, the original red one, if anyone's brave enough to sniff). £24 spent to smell like an old lady. Thanks Clarins. Thanks a lot.x