The first bus up to Machu Picchu leaves Aguas Calientes at 5:30am. I'm not on it. Nor am I on the second. There is a giant queue of around twelve bus loads, containing around 500 people who are waiting to get up to the ruins before dawn, and ironically, the crowds. Hawkers are pushing their goods to the crowd, you can buy almost anything from an SD memory card, to a water holder, to a piece of cake.

The reason I'm in the queue is that I want to climb Wayna Picchu, which is actually the mountain you see in the background on the classic "Machu Picchu picture". There is limited access of 400 people per day on Wayna Picchu so I need to be there early. I am eventually given a ticket allowing me to climb it later in the day.

While I am waiting I take a look at some of Machu Picchu's important sites before the tour groups arrive. There is "the condor" which is a giant rock that takes the shape of a condor's wings, around which the Incas added a head to worship. There is also the famous Intihuanta or "the hitching post of the sun" which is obviously an important place it sits high above the other ruins, although archaeologists still haven't worked out what the purpose of its exact shape it.

I sign my name in the log book for Wayna Picchu before my ascent. If I don't sign out later they'll be sending out a search party, and I don't think they start looking at the top. After 35 mins of some very steep steps, although there are some chains to haul yourself up with, I reach the top. It is quite crowded and involves a lot of crawling around since the rocks are steep and there is a narrow cave to climb through. The view over Machu Picchu is quite different: almost providing a bird's eye view the overall shape of the citadel is clearer. Many are skeptical about the idea that the Incas built the site in any particular shape, but the shape of the condor is easy to picture in the upper terraces.

Before leaving the site altogether to get back to Aguas Calientes for my train and lunch (it is ludicrously expensive at the site: 2GBP for 300ml of water) I get "the picture" i.e. K. Ganesh w/ M. Picchu.

The return journey on the train is truly bizarre. About halfway through the 2 hour trip to Ollantaytambo, the music changes from chillout to a more mystical vibe. Suddenly a man in a white balaclava rushes from the back of the train and starts dancing. It's although Lionel Blair just joined Al-Qaeda. As soon as he finishes the music switches again, this time to ABBA's "Dancing Queen" and the man and woman who'd previously been serving drinks proceed to show off the latest lines in alpaca knitwear.

Train conductor required: relevant experience and catwalk and/or dancing skills essential.