Day 235

Spent our last day in HCM going to the Cu Chi tunnels, two hours north of the city where the Vietcong built an underground city to outsmart the Americans. It was brilliant. Tiny tunnels that go on for kilometres, offices and hospitals, all underground. Amazing. Such a clever, but brutal bunch.

Really glad to be leaving - of all the Asian cities we have been lucky enough to spend time in, this one is the worst. Over-priced, over-bearing, over-rated, over it. As we checked out I was over-charged for stuff out the mini-bar which I hadn't had (I won that argument), and then our last taxi driver tried to give me the wrong change (I won that one too). You have to keep your wits around you at all times. It's a sinister kind of place. Shame.

Got out of Saigon and into Mui Ne, a lovely, classy resort 200km north. Of course the four hour bus journey turned out to be nearly six, but we were cheered up by the group of English football hooligans who took over the DVD player on the bus and played 'Hostel' despite the presence of my young children (who alarmingly, had already seen it). It cheered us all up and passed the time much quicker. Mui Ne is divine. A beautiful coastal place with white sand and palm trees, famous for kite surfing. The whole place is controlled and owned by the Russian mafia. We know this because we have been told this. Also, all the menus are in Russian and there are loads of fur shops and casinos. And every man walking around has gold teeth and is accompanied by a glamorous weightlifter. So that's a dead giveaway. We found a fabulous B&B owned by a gay Belgian and his lover. The nicest, friendliest and most helpful people we have met in Vietnam..... are European. He upgraded us on arrival to a suite - this kind of thing never happens to me - so we were delighted. They provide endless watermelon smoothies, have an anorexic chihuahua who wears a Celtic strip and has to be spoon-fed, and a girl from Wigan who takes drugs and lives with a Canadian surfer in the basement. It's gay-tastic.

Headed off to 'Fairy Stream' - a famous one mile long walk through a river, past red sand dunes down to a waterfall. Beautiful. Clover brought her monkey teddy who was treated to a river swim - before she realised he now weighed twice his natural weight and she couldn't carry him anymore so had a tantrum. When we got back the locals had gathered round our motorbike and tried to scam us for money for 'looking after it'. We all jumped on regardless and Rufus treated them to the universal sign of 'I don't think so' as we sped off. The red and white sand dunes round here are superb and we managed a tricky, hot walk up to the top with me moaning and Rufus falling over a lot. Crashed the motorbike on the way home - I blamed Rufus's weight for throwing me off balance. We all suffered minor scratches and I suffered mild humiliation as the local children pointed and laughed. I hate being the driver, I have nowhere to balance my wine glass. Mainly spending our days playing competitive crazy golf, buying fake Calvin Klein pants and swimming. Clover is doing her 4 times table and Fern is reading Frankenstein. I'm feeling homesick - it is my friend's birthday and I miss her. Miss my folks. Miss my folks' dog. Miss my bed. Miss understood. That's me.