THE DIARY
OF A SINGLE CRUISE VIRGIN

24 MARCH 2012

Well as those of you who know me well know, I wasn’t
really in the mood for this little jaunt – too much going on inside my head at
the moment. Those of you who do not know me so well, let me enlighten you. Work
had become more and more fraught recently, people leaving and not being
replaced, more and more work being piled onto each of the remaining worker
bees, much the same as anywhere I suppose. I was coping OK, just, then my Dad
was taken ill and unfortunately passed away, leaving my Mum in need of lots of
support. Still OK just. Three days later my daughter’s marriage ended and again
I was around to help and support. It was then I cracked and felt unable to
cope. Sympathetic aaaahhhh required at this point, please.

Unfortunately there was still room somewhere in my
mixed up head to feel like a complete swine for taking Ollie, my beautiful grey
and white long haired puss, off to the cattery on one of the nicest spring days
we’ve had in years! Oh and believe me, he let me have the whole range of his
feline vocabulary on the trip there. Never mind Pusstin it will soon be Easter!

I took the coach up to Heathrow this afternoon, thanks
to my daughter Debs and my 5 year old granddaughter Ayla (who was dressed for
90 degree heat and looked so yummy). Debs even managed to lift my two cases
which must weigh at least 20 kilos each (note to self - remember to keep on her
good side!), never let it be said that I travel light. Truth to tell, I wasn’t
in the mood for packing either and just threw everything in that looked like it
might fit my steroid-fed figure.

There was a little bit of light relief whilst we
waited in the coach park. Two men and a lady turned up to catch the coach. The
driver managed to get both cases out of the car in the time that it took ‘er
ladyship to slide gracefully out of the front seat. She had just made it to the
rear door when said driver picked up her hand luggage and emptied it all over
the car park!

 I never knew
that you could buy pants that big.

The coach arrived at T5 on time and there was only
about a five minute wait for the Hoppa and then a further 10 minutes and I was
checking in at the Sheraton. What a nice room, what a cheap room too! It was a
Mystery 4*Hotel which, with a little detective work, I had already guessed was
the Sheraton. It cost about £35 , almost as much as a glass of wine at the bar!
Actually I lie, I haven’t been to the bar yet, but I will, smelling salts at
the ready for when they tell me the price.

I was assisted with my luggage onto the Heathrow Hoppa
by a very nice young Frenchman,

“I ‘elp you?”

“Oui merci beaucoup, vous etes tres gentil”

But alas then the world started turning again when I
got off and he watched me struggle with my three cases....

 Cochon!

OK, it’s 6 o’clock now, I have delayed my grand
entrance into the bar for far too long. Must remember to move the clock forward
an hour tonight or I’ll be on the 205 back to Poole.

Later ..............

Now I thought that the wine was expensive in the bar
at Terminal 5 but good job I brought the smelling salts! £7.50 for a small
glass and some scabby nuts! Managed to eke it out for an hour whilst I observed
human life.

Three black American guys trying to look well ‘ard at
the bar and a really obnoxious couple flouting their wealth at the next table
and showing off to their obviously less well off friends. She was an Aussie and
the other reason why I didn’t dive in for a second glass of wine. A voice like
Dame Edna and a really annoying ringtone on her phone.

Once again, a lighter moment when one of our friends
from across The Pond decided to go out for a smoke and tripped over the
threshold, one too many beers methinks, made all the merrier by his friend
following on a couple of minutes later and doing the exact same thing. As I was
spotted smirking I decided to make a strategic withdrawal to room 1333.

Well, I changed the clock in advance, getting up a
little earlier than needed so that I can go and hold up the local bank and
demand enough money for a coffee and a bacon buttie.

Night night x