The journey from Sapa back to Hanoi ended up being a far less
debaucherous affair and we arrived back in Hanoi tired but content. My
liver was also happy for the respite from rice wine!

Unfortunately for us, the night train got us into Hanoi at about
0330hrs and needless to say, Vietnamese hotels being what they were in
terms of helpfulness, there were no rooms available for us to grab
some sleep. Instead, we dumped our bags in reception and went for an
early morning walk of the town. We visited the lake and tried to find
where 'morning exercise' was going on. Uncle Ho strongly advocated
that everyone should do morning exercise' to stay fit and healthy and
it has become a kind of national institution. Most schools make their
pupils take part and it all seems to start at about 0400hrs. It was no
wonder that people found the Vietnamese so hard to fight in war; not
only are they tenacious and hugely resourceful, they are capable of
survival on hardly any sleep! The Americans were quite literally
caught napping several times.

Anyway, back to morning exercise:
Whilst I think it is a splendid idea to instill such a concept on a
nation, the structure and format of morning exercise is somewhat
random and more often than not, altogether amusing. We joined one
group of 40 or so ladies indulging in a rather vigorous session of
pelvic thrusting in time to hardcore dance music which we all found
very funny. Amazingly the people loved us joining in as long as we
took it seriously and stood in the straight lines with them. It was
all very regimented I must say; which I found to be jolly good form!

Other morning exercise consisted if running, badminton (the national
sport of Vietnam), Thai chi and perhaps most pointless and certainly
most amusing was the exercise I named 'pointless stretching'. This
involved, just as the name suggests, ridiculous stretches and bounces
that didn't seem to work up a sweat, or indeed do anything at all.
Imagine people limbering up for a 1950s Olympic race. Now make that
person 60 and wrinkly and dressed in altogether inappropriate exercise-
wear and you get the idea. It is hard to describe the vision but I
found it hilarious; as did everyone else.

Following morning exercise we went and had a very early breakfast at a
pho bo (beef noodle soup) restaurant down a little side street which
was open - seriously these people get up SO early - and as we left, we
got to do our good deed for the day. A lady was riding a moped
hopelessly overladen with newspapers - so much so that she couldn't
actually steer it at all and fell off as she rounded a corner. We
rushed over to help and this was the point where i discovered another
thing about the Vietnamese: they will not relent or give up on any
way. If they want to get from A to B they will go directly, paying no
attention to anyone else on the road and certainly nothing in behind
them. They will also do it carrying as much as physically possible,
regardless of the safety or sensibility of the driving. It is
infuriating and they are without a doubt the worst drivers I have EVER
seen - truly awful.

So we sent the lady on her way and she meanders off down the street,
and we watched her cut straight across a major junction without
looking before we turned away and headed for the hotel to begin our
tour of the city.

We had a lot of places to see but actually, the last thing we wanted
to do was be a tourist because of lack of sleep. We headed first to
see the Mausoleum of Ho Chi Minh which actually, i have to say, was
quite humbling. He is held in the very highest regard and the sheer
national effort that goes into guarding him and preserving him
(completely against his wishes I might add) is akin to the guarding of
Buckingham Palace. Smart and soldier-like people lined every corridor
and chastised anyone with hands in pockets or hats on. All very serious!

Next we scooted around the outside of the Governor of Indochina's
Residence (a giant yellow building) before visiting Uncle Ho's house.
This was apparently a gift from the people and was a reconstruction of
a hill tribe house where apparently, he spent his happiest years.

Next up was the Hanoi Independence Museum; an interesting mix of old
and new styles showing a struggle of a people against America and
other invaders - all very patriotic and somewhat biased but
enthralling nonetheless.

We visited the water puppets which was an extremely surreal and
actually uncomfortable experience; both in terms of the tuneless music
played and the horrendous seating'

The next day we visited the temple of literature before eating a well
deserved lunch at Koto. This is an amazing place set up by an
Australian guy to offer hospitality training to deprived kids from
local districts. They would start as waiters and then progress to bar
staff, junior chefs and the best would be trained in all traits of
being chefs and allowed to cook independently at the restaurant. He
had set up a school and a couple of restaurants and the food was not
only exquisite but also very reasonably priced. A true treat amongst
the oddity of Vietnamese cuisine.

Our final tourist visit in Hanoi was the Museum of Ethnology which
described the ethnic derivations of all the tribes of Thailand. I have
to admit that I was flagging a bit by this point but the highlights
for me included the amazing communal long-house with enormous roof all
thatched and made with natural materials and using techniques that
haven't changed in centuries. The other highlight was seeing all the
different costumes of the tribes and learning more about the Black
Hmong. I was gutted not to have seen this museum prior to our visit to
Sapa so I would have been better informed.

The only thing remaining to do in Hanoi was once again to indulge in a
spot of bia hoi and stock up with rice wine but not before some of us
went for a massage in a lovely little spa (well it was lovely apart
from being in a room with 3 other guys and the masseuses not shutting
up for the duration!) and what was the culinary highlight of my trip
so far: Bitet. This restaurant eluded me for several days in Hanoi we
made friends with several of the waiters in a restaurant just near to
our hotel where we ate many times but Bitet was something else.
Described in guide books as being down a dark alley, they weren't wrong
and i stumbled upon it as I walked back from the spa. The restaurant
is famous for the exceptional steak and chips it serves with the steak
marinaded in a garlic sauce. The best part is that this culinary
delight only costs about £1.50 per portion so I age 3! Yummy indeed.

We swung by for the obligatory bia hoi on the way to the station
before boarding the night time express to Hue. I have to say I wasn't
hugely surprised to see Chinh had purchased another litre of rice wine
which would need consuming before we alighted! We had taken the
liberty of purchasing some matches and some shot glasses in Sapa so
the evening's poker game was an altogether civilized affair than
during previous sessions, albeit somewhat blurry now.

There have been comments made that all I seem to be doing on my little
trip away is drinking. I can reassure you all that this is not the
case; I am spending lots of time sightseeing and taking in the culture
and part of the culture if seems in Asia is the punctuation of
friendship with the occasional bevvy. So honestly, I'm just doing my
small part for international relations. I'm sure you understand!

Speak soon