One evening while Elenka was conversing with one cousin or another and I was contemplating a knot on the side of a tree trunk I heard her say to herself, "Twelve and twenty, twelve and twenty, why do I always mix these two numbers up?" 
  Jolted from the knot, I said, "Twelve is dvanásť, twenty is dvadsať."  
  She looked at me as though maybe the knot in the tree had given her the proper translation and began speaking Slovak again. Without having any idea of the context of her back-and-forth, the word dvanásť popped out of her mouth after just a few moments. How those words came out of me no one will ever know. 

 
  Our amigo Matúš Lago met Elenka and I at Bratislava airport. He and his wife Vierka fed us dinner and then the following morning Matúš loaded us into his car and drove us two hours east to the home of Matko and Majka, relatives in Banská Bystrica. I knew what awaited us, and also knew that there was nothing I could do about it. Slovaks, all of them, love hiking. The day after we arrived we were off to Jánošíkove Diery for our first of several dreaded, mountain/forest hikes.               
 
  When Elenka was a child of maybe eight or nine, she and her friend Sharon Poland were playing in the forest. In the midst of this gleeful adventure Elenka found herself running fast down a hill and she couldn't stop. A tree finally put an end to the charge, but her leg was cut and bruised. The poor woman has been living with Downhill Stress Disorder ever since. At home she has a tough time walking down a steep sidewalk. But set her loose in a mountainous Slovakian woodland, even after rain has made the rocks dangerously slippery, and the true Slovak comes out. She tosses her phobia to the wind and reverts to her inherent mountain goat instinct. She was sliding up and down slick rock formations that would have her clinging to them and sobbing back in Canada.

 
  On the way back to Banska Bystrica, we stopped so that Matko and Majka could collect mineral water in empty bottles they'd brought with them. Back on the road, ten or so minutes later, I suddenly turned my head angrily towards Elenka. She was giving me the exact same look. Then we saw Majka holding an open bottle of water towards us, asking if we wanted a drink. Bile rose in my throat as my stomach started churning. I cranked the backseat window down and threw my head and shoulders into the fresh air. The sulphuric odour that arose from the tiny bottle neck opening was like that of a hundred camels with dysentery. Slovakia produces the tastiest water you'll ever find. So tasty, I guess, that they've found the need to take water drinking to a whole other smelly level. So a word of caution: If it's your first, or maybe hundredth time here, and you don't have Slovak blood flowing through your veins, go to the supermarket for your water.   

 
  Back in the spring of 2011, I wrote that all of Ellen’s relatives call her Elenka. Then I'd found a postcard that her father had written using that same pleasant sounding modification. Since 2011 she's been Elenka to me and a good bunch of others. When we visited friends Daniel and Sara in Sweden last fall they questioned me about 'Elenka' saying they had a Slovak friend in Sweden who'd told them that the 'ka' modification at the end of a female's name should be reserved for children and very close friends. Elenka had been telling me pretty much the same thing so I kept quiet. I was cornered. It was a battle to be fought another day. 

 
  While we were having lunch with Majka one day I posed the 'Elenka' question. Majka looked at me with astonishment and said that the Slovak woman from Sweden was wrong, that this type of modification was suitable and pleasant for all - Majka is short for Maria and Matko is short for Matej. To be sure, I posed the same question to Matko when he came home from work. Same astonishment, same response. As the week went on three others gave 'Elenka' the full thumbs up. So, it's 'Elenka', even for Elenka now.  

 
 
Our friend, and highly accredited photographer, Matúš Lago will be on assignment in Toronto this autumn. Check out his portfolio on the attached website: https://www.matuslago.com/portfolio/