Friday 7th Aug

I am sad and pissed off today. I am pissed off because of work (and I'm sorry if everyone is getting bored of hearing me moan about it, but it is all I can think about at the moment!). After taking me on and giving me the impression that they would be able to give me nearly full-time hours, my shifts are getting less and less and I have now worked once in six days! Every day I turn my anger around and tell myself not to give up, that surely today they will rota me on but every single f***ing time my name is not there. And every day that I don't work, my money is going down and down.

Had I known how few hours they would give me, I simply would not have stopped in Airlie; it is an expensive place to live, my accomodation costs nearly $200/wk and it is not an interesting place to be! Sure, it's nice to lie in the sun all day but it's also pissing my money away! Since arriving in Airlie with $3 in my bank account, I have spent nearly $500 on accomodation and am running at a significant loss, I have just spent since being here as my pay each week has not even covered my rent! This is infuritating as I would far rather have kept on going and spent that money on moving further up the coast.

So I'm kindof at a dilemma point now. Next week is 'race week', for which my boss promised me lots of hours, but I don't know whether I can belive that any more, or whether her idea of "lots" will be even enough for me to cover my rent! If that was the case, I am sorely tempted to leave Airlie right now before any more damage can be done to my finances. As it is, I am so bitter towards my employers that I plan to leave straight after race week, and even with the race week pay I think I will be leaving Airlie still at a loss of money.

Airlie is a nice place, and I would like to enjoy my time here but instead I can only be continually aware that I am paying rent out of my savings and not even replenishing that from my earnings! I have been SO GOOD with money, I haven't been out once, I spent a total of abou 30quid last week, on basic food and living expenses and not a penny more, but inspite of this I am still watching my money go down, it's so unfair! I am constantly worried and stressed about it and angry at work, but I can't go out for some drinks or go out for a nice meal to cheer myself up because I don't have the f***ing money!!!

ARG! I'm going into work right now to ask if my shift potential is greater over the next couple of weeks and if not then I will seriously think about leaving, it has been worse for my finances staying here than it probably would have been had I continued traveling up the coast! Beginning to understand how employees are triggered to do horrible stuff to their places of work and employers. It's so f***ing frustrating and unfair to be treated like this!! I don't want to be sad and stressed!