So then, Patpong…….sleazy district full of old men ogling at young girls, pissed 'Brits on Tour', or just a fun area of Bangkok offering something different?Different from the rest of the world anyways, not different from Thailand.Well I'd have to say somewhere in the middle of the two, I don't condone the exploitation of women but I was intrigued to see it for myself and if I'm to be perfectly honest…..bloody excited by the prospect of it all!

So the three of us headed to Patpong for what was to be a very very eye-opening experience and memorable night.When walking down the street neon lights hit you, lads run up with 'menus' of what their bar offers, 'cheap ladies for you sah?'……..'best ping pong in Bangkok sah!'.Never seen menus like this before, was scared to ask what they had to eat and drink!Scantily clad (very mild way of putting it) girls (again not a definite) calling out to you with all sorts of 'performances' they undertake.A very surreal place with a very lively atmosphere.Unfortunately there's no escaping from the fat, bald, old western men with a 17yr old hanging off their arms.You just want to go up and give the fella a slap but at the same time are hoping they'll wake up in the morning with a peculiar rash and itch.

We entered one bar and were shown to our seats, offered some drinks and sat back to watch the show.Within minutes I had a girl either side of me and a girl on my knee rubbing me, kissing me, offering me allsorts for about ten minutes……..these 'girls' don't understand the word 'no!'.Kenny and Hava were in hysterics, especially at the fact that the girl trying to get her hand down my pants was in fact not a girl at all!They soon told be the little secret that they kept and the ladyboy was soon trying his/her/its luck with some other poor sod.

These girls fire everything out of themselves except babies, do everything but give birth and insert anything and everything into themselves.Ping pongs flying around the bar, cigarettes smoking, candles blown out, razor blades (of upto 15 odd tied to string) pulled out, balloons popped using a pea shooter (with surprisingly good aim and distance) and bottles of beer opened!Patpong is a bloody crazy place and that's before the prostitution is even mentioned.Girls for about 1500Baht per night (about 20 pound) is going the rate and hundreds upon hundreds to choose from.The place is a meat market, with girls prancing with numbers on them so you go to the bar, give the number of the girl you want and hey presto she's yours……just like a Delhi counter!

Patpong was a bloody crazy evening, no other way of putting it, that has left many things permanently etched in my memory.That night I discovered a love for a certain type of exotic food, deep-fried locusts.They're beautiful crispy things and bizarrely, taste just like pork scratchings from the pub.