Bliss and b******s

How many nails do you need to fix the purlins to prevent the roof blowing off? If only I knew the answer.

How many bricks are in 6m3 of brick walling? And how big are these bricks? If only I knew the answer.

Igot on my train in Dar es Saleem eventually not really that bothered that it was leaving 6 hours late. I think I might turn into one of those trainspotters, I feel totally at ease travelling by train and sometimes get quite excited about it. Sure beats the buses anyway. I had a cabin to myself, there was a shower of sorts on board, a chicken and chips restaurant car and plenty of room to move about. The train was going to Zambia but I was getting off in Mbeya in southwest Tanzania. Got chatting to some locals and some Finnish girls and I was happy to snooze and watch the world drift by. My calm mood was soon shattered getting off the train after 26hours into Mbeya at 10pm. Not a good idea arriving in the dark. No one around at the station. A minibus come taxi tried to rip me off and I pulled up my mardy pants and got a strop storming out of the minibus halfway through the journey having done a few laps around town with this dodgy driver only to randomly.walk around this unknown town looking for a cheap hotel.

I woke up in the morning and tried to find a post box for Ellie & Nick's country postcard to no avail, I left it with this random guy to post before getting on a bus to head toward Malawi. Let me know if you get the postcard guys! Anyway the touts had a good session with me that morning trying to get me on random buses for twice the price. I settled on a bus which went INTO Malawi crossing the border but luckily alarm bells started to ring when they said I would have to change at the border. I only paid to the border which was a good job because there was no connecting buses at all. A bicycle taxi took me to the border where I must have visibly breathed a sigh of relief to leave Tanzania and its lying cheating tout t*** firmly behind. Tanzania is on a level with Kenya I have decided apart from the stunning Zanzibar of course which should defo get independence from the grotty mainland.

Malawi. I found myself suspecting and not trusting anyone because of Tanzania but these people WERE genuine and friendly and wanting to help you for nothing. I must have looked a right pompous idiot shrugging off these friendly people when I first arrived. Had a Guiness world record attempt getting as many people in a shared taxi as possible and headed south and the huge lake Malawi. Finally got to Chitimba and was wanting to stay at this cool place up in the hills but it was 10kms and 700m up with no transport available. Decided to stay at Chitimba which was quite cool despite a couple of overland trucks staying at the same place. Have I told you about the overland trucks yet? Skip the next paragraph if I have.

They are open sided bus trucks with say 12 people on, normally quite young who apparently need their hands holding when it comes to travelling. They normally do a trip like Nairobi to Cape Town with the driver acting as tour guide. You are stuck with the same crowd for the umpteen weeks it takes you to do the journey. They have no interest in meeting any other travellers as they already have their own clique and highlights of their trip apparently revolve around when 'Kev barfed' or when Sadi lost her pants. In general they should be avoided. They had a cross dressing party night or leopard skin themed party that night. I did not ask.

I did however meet a brummy lad called Jim, I initially disagreed with his 'better smeg than dead' t-shirt but he turned out alright and we both made our way up to this cool cool place up in the hills called Livingstonia which was a missionary town which reminded me of a model Victorian village like Beamish in England. We got lucky with a 4WD lift so that we didn't have to do the 10km trek up hill with our big bags. We stayed at this place in the middle of nowhere called Mushroom Farm which was a fantastic eco lodge with just 3 huts one of which was a superb cob house that I stayed in. The place was currently being run by a cool English couple and Nathan supported Norwich! Result. There was no one else staying there so the 4 of us had a good bit of English chat where conversations could be about snooker and Red Dwarf. They served up some superb fresh veggie food there as well and it was a great shame to leave after days hiking finding waterfalls and exploring Livingstonia with it's Victorian flashbacks. A happy happy start to Malawi.

We didn't get so lucky witha lift down the mountain when we left so it was a stumbling trek down to the lake with our big bags where Smeg and I went our different ways. I headed toward Nkharta Bay on a minibus where the fare collector had 9 shots of vodka whilst I was on the bus. How do I know this? Well they sell these vodka sachets here that look like tomato ketchup sachets but actually contain a nasty liquor that the wine oes drink (how the hell do you spell that?). I'm not sure how he managed to collect the fares as he got quite pissed but after another change I made it to Nkharta Bay.

A longish walk around the bay I found this superb Mayuka Village, a guesthouse right on the lakeshore with a great vibe. A good group of people, locals and backpackers frequented the bar restarant with tasty food where you could launch yourself offthe pier and into the crystal clear lake. Every time I've swam in lakes they have been a bit green, this was not one bit just as clear as a calm sea and dropped away deeply very quickly. Lots of proper swimming without the need of goggles which was a nice novelty. Some cool freshwater snorkelling as well. Had a very lazy few days there. The type of place where everyone comes for a couple of days but stay 5. I was the same and stayed until the day before I was due to start work. A cracking first week in Malawi, the trouble is with highs like these we know what's going to happen next......

I was up at 5.30am the next day for a full days travelling. Passport, check, money, check, phone, check, camera, camera, camera. s***. My camera had been nabbed out of the dorm. I'd heard of people losing cameras but nothing prepares you for the sickening realisation that it's gone together with 800 superb pics over 3 months of travelling. I was putting off backing them up until I got working where I'd have access to computers. Missed my bus madly looking for it and then generally had a s***e comedown of a day where I didn't get to Lilongwe until after dark. Having to wait 4 hours at Mzuzu for one of two buses to leave whilst competing for customers with revving engines did not add to my mood. Got to a guesthouse and suddenly didn't feel like a backpacker with the knowledge of work in the morning.

I ironed my shirt that I'd brought in Tanzania. What I didn't realise at the time of purchase was the faded square patch on the shirt where it had been bleached by the sun when folded up. A classy look I think you'll agree, I felt special. As this is Africa the director I had arranged to meet was not in all morning so I had the awkwardness of other people not expecting me having to show me around. The director was apparently in a very important meeting with government ministers regarding housing their civil servants. A strange meeting to be having for an NGO (non government organisation) director. The NGO is called CCODE which is an organisation that builds homes for the poor and offers cheap loans for them to live there.I was given a biro and some photocopy paper like a parent would give a bored child and given a batik workshop to design for a group of women from a poorer area wanting to set up an enterprise. There are a couple ofarchitects already there and there are about 25 in total I guess, a lot of whom I'm not sure what they do even now after 2 weeks. Despite my initial lack of tools the office is set up alright with everyone having laptops, and even I am now lucky enough to get a laptop and autocad. The job looks to cover most of the building trade and by all accounts I am an architect/ engineer/ QS/ buyer/ contractor/ trainer of trades. As those of you will know from my bricklaying in my back yard at home I cannot lay bricks myself let alone teach others! But hey, lets see what happens. I'm not overly enthusiastic about the whole situation though. There's talk about me designing these government houses which will be a test of my morals working for nothing providing designs for civil servants from a questionable government.

Social times have been a bit slow. I'm trying to do the expat things like volleyball and running clubs but the city is sparse and horrendously spread out which makes getting around without a car very difficult. Volleyball last night was a 40minute walk. There's no city centre so there is nowhere to 'go out' as such and although I'm sure it's not so bad the town feels unsafe as there are no street lights and everyone hurries home when it gets dark at 6pm. Lilongwe midnight is apparently 9pm normal time! I think a lot of people rely on private parties for the social scene so I need to get in with some expats. I'm living in a guesthouse at the moment and not sure whether to find a houseshare, if I stick it out I should be here until Feb time. Having only just started the office closes for a fortnight over chrimbo so might head over to Mozambique...

Jackanories might dry up a bit now that I'm working but I'm sure there will be a few random moments. Now how much uplift does it take to pull out a nail that's fixed 2 inches into a bit of timber? Yes, stinking chat has returned.