This, i'm sure you'll all be relieved to know, is most probably the penultimate email in my current series. So pour yourself a brew and scroll on.

The last few weeks have nicely converted me into a massive fan of Asia. This continent is so random and contrasting that it fills me with excitement and each day is a new, usually stranger, surprise.

We skimmed through Northern Thailand stopping at what felt like every temple ever constructed and every Buddha monument ever carved. and still i'm none the wiser to the finer points of these. On one pilgrimage into a cave we came across a group of monks. Now i've always thought such a clan were a shy, retiring, introspective type of person but my stereotype was quashed by these red-bull (liquid crack) swigging, shouting, camera pushing (apparently being blonde and over 5ft in Asia deems you a freak show worthy of a hundred pictures) worshippers. I liked them so much that we followed them round the ruins hoping to gleam a free guide, even though they didn't speak English. Before long they'd invited us to join their day trip. Super-stoked i ran aboard the bus quicker than a fat kid in a sweet shop, and had visions of a new robed outfit and us forming beautiful friendships over the burning incense. Sadly, such a smell left a bitter taste as the trip didn't work out. Orange never was my colour anyway.

I am now fully adept at the asian olympic event that is dod-dodging, they seem to be getting madder the further i travel, but it maybe that they just sense my fear. Bullied by a cocker-spaniel. Suddenly the $100 rabies injection seems like worthwhile investment. Damn my cost-cutting. Still, now i'm in Cambodia i see them more on restaurant menus than i do in the street.

Transport here is very eclectic, much more interesting than the 13C on a friday night. And possibly more dangerous too. They range from the civilised to the death-drying, and i seem to unknowingly go out of my way to journey upon the latter. Crossing roads is like playing chicken on the M25, you think of everything you were ever taught about road safety and then do the exact opposite. I imagine its how Jesus felt when he walked in the river and the water parted.

Now, travelling with a Ducth persn it was only a matter of time before we started renting bikes. On one occasion we were happily chuggig along in the middle of nowhere, middle of the 40oc day, secretly praising ourselves for having gone far away from the touist areas and into the heart of the country. By this i mean we were lost. A rhythmic noise started playing alongside us, and them we realised it was the sound of a puncture. In was all up for building an improptu go-cart from banana leaves and debris when out of a straw hut trundles a local man wearing a skirt, clutching a handbag, and sniffing a pot of rubber glue. And the hero solved our problems in minutes.

While in Thailand we came across a girl who'd been bitten on the eye by a mosquito, a day later she was in pain do she decided to rinse her eye in homemade rice whiskey. FOOL! Not even I drink that stuff. It looked like she had a tumour taking over her head- like the one from The Goonies- but she still wouldn't go to the doctor cos she was an illegal worker. So i, based purely on the notion that i wear contact lenses, was rather unwillingly appointed Chief Medical Advisor (stick that one on my CV), I wasn't sure whether i was going to pass out or be sick first. God knows how, but whatever was done seemed to work, and withing a couple of days the cyclops had disappeared.

It's hard not t notice that North Thaiand is still a mecca for sex-tourists, I still can't help but stare at all the old, bulging western slobs attached to women 1/3rd their age and 1/4 their width.

Still in search for a pleasant massage, the next contender was a massage by a blind and disabled kid. Lack of one sense makes the others stronger, right? Wrong. It was like walking into a Helen Keller book with kids locked in rooms, walking sticks hidden behind cabinets and books absolutely everywhere. Books? Do they not realise these people cannot see?! I chose this time to practise my Thai, i didnt bank on them understanding, and responding, leaving me with nothing to say and no hand gestures to act. I felt bad. The massage however whas an improvement on the previous one. 3/5.