Back in the epicentre of Duck land. Beijing boasts the birth place of duck, dumplings and anything else that moves and can be battered, fried and consumed whilst pinching your nose.

From where I last left off, we were caught amongst the surging population in Shanghai, seeking refuge from National Day. A gathering of people swaming like penguins on a cold day (like a washing machine effect).

That night we were the hosts of a westerner (west-side aiii) party in our hotel room. The party kicked off late with the late arrival of two friends Tanya and Tony as they missed the first departure (taxi) of party-go'ers. Aparenty they couldn't find a taxi and it was creeping closer to 11pm (Friday's curfew).

In a simliar heoric James Bond style epic adventure like the previous night, they saw a taxi at 11:10pm. Well to add to the confusion, a communist police officer saw them and ran after them. They ran the opposite way towards the taxi to hopefully make a religious miracle and hail the taxi. The taxi had no option but to stop, as they were basically bent over the bonnet police-frisked style pleading with the driver to let them in to make a quick getaway. Well the driver spoke no english but the "passenger" in the car did. They managed to get away, and as an Australian sign of appreciation the passenger came to our party - named chinese charlie (serious). I thought that was a pearler of a story, which added to the drinking spirit - GUMBAY (chinese for "cheers").

The next day was our last day in Shanghai. We arrived at the airport 3 hours early, which may have some indication of our desire to leave the city. Again, I must fit terrorist characteristics as the chinese customs body searched me (an uncannay trait I have in airports). And NO, my prostate wasn't checked!

Anyway, we decided to sit in a dodgy airport coffee shop to burn 3 hours admiring planes departing and arriving. General interest lasted only 3 minutes before the guy behind me got BUSTED by an undercover cop and three military police!! Busted right on the coffee table, NYPD style, handcuffed and escorted away. Maybe he would get his prostate checked?

My adrenaline was in full strength after that little episode, and it boiled even more as we got on the plane! Three quarters into the flight, two passengers either side of the aisle, got into a blue. Exchanging words, fists and saliva, three female stewardess who looked as innocent as kittens came to the rescue to stop wanna-be Jackie Chan. Jackie retaliated by spitting in the poor girls face. She then smiled and escorted him to the arse end of the plane. I didn't realise that spitting in one's face is a compliment. Quite amusing in-flight entertainment I'd say.

Furthermore, Shanghai airlines' policy on safety must be on the same page as disinfecting the toilet in the policy manual. Seatbelt sign on, landing gear out, about 15 seconds before tarmac meets wheels and the chinese are getting there bags out of bloody overhead lockers, little ferrals running down the aisles and others standing in the aisles to get a better view of the Beijing airport whilst decending. Absolute madness.

Safely on land in Beijing we walked to the nearest taxi rank, fearful from our last experience. A security guard escorted us to a parked taxi and provided a yellow leaflet on the growing problem of dodgy taxi drivers. It was a small pamphlet that talks about fares and how to report an inflated price. I should of realised that when he took this booklet from us at the toll-booth and made us pay for the toll-road, it was our cue to call taxi-busters. When we got to our destination, he made us pay an exorbadent 200yuan when the trip should of costed 80yuan (later calculated). I was furious.

You know the "video rewinding affect". Its when you don't rewind the video when you return it to the shop. The next person hires it, gets annoyed, and swears not to rewind the video too. A lasting affect that can only be broken by one happy christian. The same ramifcations apply when being ripped-off.

For the next few days, myself and Riss were on a mission to rip-off as many chinese as it takes to disperse the sunk cost occured by the taxi driver. In basic accounting terms...a profit and loss statement that balances.

Thus our first days in Beijing was to do some reconiscence trips of the local markets to prey on poor innocent victims and buy fake merchandise at cheap prices. Surprisingly Riss became a qualified expert in this field. The poor little sole business owner (really not that innocent - they are dodgy) would quote a highly inflated price. Riss would then make a counter offer at one third of the quoted price. The merchant would then eagerly, but slowly, reduce his price but Riss would not budge. Riss had a second-line of a defence at raising the bar 10% but was only on rare occasions. As the negotiation process began to froze, Riss would pull out her initial offer in cold-hard cash. This got them everytime.

We've got bargains galore! We've found a few markets around town where we have found genuine items. Factory workers at the Nike, Adidas, Ralph Lauren...etc. steal from the sweat-shop production line and sell straight to the foreign public. I've scored some genuine Ralph Lauren gear at a tenth of the price!!

Chapter Two (break the email - go grab a coffee)

We basically have a week in Beijing waiting for our next tour group to kick-off on Sunday 10th i.e. Vodkatrain. Huangfen is our hotel and is located north of the city. A bit dissapointing is the fact that our itnineray told us it was close to the centre of town. Unfortunately not, but in a good district of town, close to the subway (50cents to travel as far as you want) and close to the Australian Embassy. The hotel speaks three words in english - all relating to money of course, and the rooms are hmmmm...below average in relation to our last tour to be nice.

Breakfast is complimentry if your prepared to eat between the hours of 7am to 7:45am. Second morning we made the grueling attempt and grabbed a breakfast voucher from the front reception. The receptionist pointed to a dark corridor, the source of a dairy-farm odour. We proceeded with caution, and found ourselves outside on the street! A few buckets of luke-warm noodles, little sausages and mystery-bags complimented the not so welcoming look of the stains on the sweaty chefs singlet. He was big, sweat'n like a pig, cooking out of a disused oil drum and sat on the steps of the building with a look that would make kindagarten kids have nightmares.

In disgust we chose the healthy alternative of McDonalds over the road. Gazing back with a sausage and egg burger (muffins don't exist aswell as bacon) we later realised that the make-shift restaurant is the enterance to a brothel. A filthy brothel is linked to our hotel and they serve BREAKFAST!!!! No wonder those sausages didn't look appertising.

On Monday, we ventured to the Beijing Exhibition centre as we saw on TV it had a model exhibition. Three scalpers approached us, and we negotiated a price half of which was the offical amount (don't know how that works). Inside had these remote controlled helicopters that run on four AA batteries. No longer than a 30cm ruler, I was desperate to make the purchase. But there was no chance in carrying the thing half-way across the globe.

Yesterday, we made the sacromage to the Summer Palace. A huge palace that overlooks gardens, more temples and a huge lake. It was a great experience, and I can't wait to share the photos.

Today we are heading back to the markets. Riss wants to exercise her negotiation skills plus I want some more DVD's.

Anyway, could write more, but Riss is transfixed on her potential purchases from the market and is bugging me to leave.

Hope everyone's OK.

Cheers,
Hatton.