We arrived into Dubai at 2.15am, we were bleary eyed and sceptical of what lay ahead. The endless walk off the plane led us into the Arrivals hall. And very fulll it was with hundreds and hundreds of people queueing. Dubai holds 59 world Records said the billboard by passport control, but it took us an hour before we could actually read the sign. Those of you that have been here will know what comes next. The chaps manning the passport desks have the utmost power at their fingertips. They are all wearing the full Sheikh gear and are well aware of their power. No one dared to complain about the wait and forced smiles when handing the passport over were the order of the day. Everyone from planet Earth was in those queues, the well to do's and the lowliest of migrant workers clutching visas. In all honesty everyone was treated fairly. Fairly rudely. After an hour and a half one Pakistani chap handed his passport and visa over, thanking his lucky stars he was finally in work utopia. Then his mobile went off and he had the temerity to answer it. In fairness there were " No Mobiles " signs there. Our migrant worker chum had blown it. So near and yet so far. His Emirship on his throne was not impressed. Fair play to the migrant worker, the grovelling show he put on impressed me. But it was not enough and he was marched off in the direction of departures. Wonder how he'll explain that to Mrs. Migrant Worker back home? Maybe it was Mrs. Migrant Worker who phoned asking "Have you got through passport control yet, I hear they're right sods !". We'll never know.

They had an impressive array of technology on their desks, Iris scanning gear and 3d cameras. If you were lucky you just had to stand in front of the 3d cameras whilst your passport was scowled at. The unlucky ones had the full Iris, retina scans done and were made to stand in a number of poses until it was deemed satisfactory. maybe I shouldnt be so harsh, I wouldnt have wanted to have been there at 4.00 in the morning dealing with everyone.

In terms of Alien cultures to us, if Turkey was The Klingon Empire to Star Trek's Federation of Planets, this was Planet of The Apes.