So having not spent as much time as we'd planned in Ko Tao we decided to head to Samui to see what it was like. It's a place we had planned on missing due to it being too touristy and 'package holiday' for hardy travellers like ourselves, but hey ho, it was time to see how the other half lived. And it was interesting.

Samui is very touristy, it's a bit like heading to Tenerife - English pubs and restaurants abound and there is hardly anything of Thailand here except some nice beaches plenty of sleaze. Predicatably we stayed out of the main hub, but did head in there one night for some shopping and it was not too bad at all. If you go there expecting Tenerife in Thailand then you'll be a happy bunny. We were pleased to find a Burger King and although the day before we'd stood on some scales and seen some weight loss, we headed straight in there and put pay to that.

This will sound probably really snobby but there are too many English here. Far too many. Although they did provide theli-light (or low-light) of the island for us.

Back in our bungalow, it's 5am and we are asleep, but are awoken by someone banging the bejezus out of a door like Fred Flintstone, we peer out of the window and it's a girl last seen heading out with her boyfriend the previous night. No answer. At 6am she tries again. At 7am she tries again but obviously finds some success, as her boyfried is back finally. She, however, is not happy and he gets it - both barrels.

Obviously they were English by the way. and over the ensuing shouting match and hearing her on the phone a few days later we got most of the story. She was very annoying and most sane people would have dumped her at the earliest opportunity, (although perhaps not like this). She was from the south somewhere in the Home Counties judging from her nasal public school, rah rah, daddy buy me a pony, jolly hockey sticks (and yet still chavvy) accent.

They had had a "wicked" night, until the unfortunate Nick had started attracting the attention of some Thai girls and she had not surprisingly been a bit miffed at this and told him to "cut it aahrt". Whether he pondered this suggestion or not is unclear but by his actions, he obviously disagreed, and instead waited for her to go to the bar and disappeared with two Thai girls and was next seen by his girlfriend at 7am. She was not happy.

The raging arguement that followed must have been heard across the whole of Samui, as oblivious to the time, the place or even to Rhiannon, (who stood with her head against the window, a curtain failing miserably to hide the fact that she was snooping), she gave him both barrels. It went on 15 minutes or so, the best bits being when she repeatedly shouted at him "to be a faaackin' maan", to grow some faackin' bawls". Every now and then she'd just scream incoherently in a primal scream moment. The best passage was:

"You left me in a faackin' ditch. Just be a faackin' man. Look in the faackin' mirror, look at your faackin' self. Waaaaggghhh!" Then a huge smash as she added seven years bad luck to her problems, possibly over his unfortunate head. He didn't say much, although Rhiannon said she could hear him crying.

Shame didn't seem to feature in any of their reactions to the night as they didn't check out and still paraded around as if nothing had happened. Two days later I heard her re-telling the events on the phone to a friend. No need to listen in slyly though as she bellowed out the most intimate and trivial details of her life at full volume in a stream of consciousness. Amazingly by now they seem to be back together, although she confessed on the phone that she wasn't happy with him and laughingly admitted that she went hysterical "just like in Fraser Island". Not sure what happened in Fraser Island, but I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end next time she goes mental. Mind you, - before you send me an angry email mum - he deserved it.

You may not have been interested in any of those things, but they made us laugh and we wanted to remember it all. Apart from that the weather hasn't been as nice as it has been of late, although only a few bursts of rain before the blue skies take over again. The beach isn't the talcom powder soft of Ko PhaNgan but it's ok and there are some nice places to eat, drink, shop, and I had a haircut.

Too many English though.