"Forgive us Father it's been five weeks since our last beach."

"Dear God, you'd better get down there you pasty faced Englanders"

"Oh alright you twisted our arms."

Flight from Chiang Mai to Bangkok.

Three hour wait in the airport.

Flight from Bangkok to Surat Thani.

Four hour wait at ferry port.

Two and a half hours boat journey.

Done. It's not all cheap beer and skittles this travelling lark you know!

It was about 10.30pm by the time our boat landed in Koh PhanNgan and we'd booked a hotel via a tout in the ferry port who was flashing brochures around and signing everyone up to places unseen. He'd then phoned ahead to make sure someone from the guesthouse picked us up and took us to our bed. All very sensible except that when we got to the port there was no-one to be seen. Gradually everyone goes their seperate ways but we stay where we are. The tout looks like he wants to head off with our cash but we keep him at close quarters and eventually he gets his mates to give us a lift. As I say it's late and the mates certainly don't spare the horses as they give it full gun all the way up the windy roads to our guesthouse where it's soon apparent why no-one was there to pick us up.

After much shouting, out tumbles the owner and lucky us he's stoned, drunk or just a mentalist. He clearly has no idea who we are and looks a bit surprised to find out that he actually runs a 20 bed guesthouse. But he brightens up at the prospect of some money and shows us to our room. I ask him if I can watch the Liverpool Chelsea match at 2am in his restaurant but displaying a breathtaking lack priorities he tells me it's too late.

Next morning and the rock hard pillows have ensured we've had little sleep, in fairness, it wasn't helped by Rhiannon waking me up to ask me to turn the fan off halfway through the night and me putting my arm through the plastic blades when trying to switch it off in the dark! I'm fine though. We move to the restuarant for breakfast and the owner is there looking a damn sight more perky than before so I ask if I can turn the telly on to catch a footy repeat. "Oh Chelsea Liverpool?"

"yes please"

"Chelsea won 3-2. Chelsea much better"

Insensitive b*stard! I decide we are moving out asap, although as it happens we don't move until the next day. Our bungalow with the rock hard pillows is situated overlooking Haat Yao beach, with it's white sand and clear blue water meaning that every time you look up it's a picture postcard moment. Oh and we have our own hammock, which when I use my bum touches the floor; but Rhiannon was ok. There is also a pool, again with great beach views and as the place is nearly empty we have it to ourselves and just generally lounge around (Dad I saw your comment in the messages and believe me I can relax a lot more - just watch me go or not as the case maybe).

That night after a meal watching the sunset we find ourselves the only people in a restuarant. We're being served by a Burmese lad of only 20 who is working here to practice his English, so for about two hours we give him the full benefit of our knowledge of English grammar and proununciation, which all leaves him looking a bit shell shocked and I wonder if he's tempted to ask if we are indeed English as we claim. Over the two hours he tells us he is here without a visa having sneaked into the country and that if caught by the police he will be sent back and chucked into a Burmese prison for three years. He doesn't seem too bothered though and isn't in any hurry to get back and we don't blame him. Apparently in Burma it is two years in nick for reading a democratic newspaper. It may seem harsh but pails in comparrison to other sentences, as for justwatching the latest Rambo film in which the big guy dispenses some rough justice on the Burmese army you can get 14 years in the slammer! A little tough I feel, but then I like Rambo films.

The next day we move hotels to next door, not of course before we inspect six rooms in both our current place and the new one! We've splashed out now as the new place has air-con and a TV and is miles bigger and cleaner for an extra fiver. We did see the best rooms and they were amazing and only about 30quid a night so if you come here on your holidays you could live like a King - well prince maybe.

I mentioned we are staying in Haat Yao, which is a quiet place, more for couples and the odd family. The island is famous (or infamous) for the Full Moon Party in Haat Rin that takes place every month and is basically and orgy of drink and drugs. We've missed it but didn't want to go anyway; Roy who we met in Laos said he was coming down here to look for his mate who disappeared at a Full Moon Party and hasn't been seen for two months. Roy was commencing his searchh in the morgue. It can happen. But don't worry mums, we aren't going there.

May can be a bit rainy by all accounts but our first three days have been sun, sun, sun. Did I mention the white sandy beaches? Well as you can imagine we haven't moved from the beach and beachside pool. The hotel is mostly empty as it's low season, just an assortment of couples, out German friends from Chiang Rai turn up which added to the general fun and laziness. There is a young couple here who I take to be American as they're very loud and he oddly wears aviator sunglasses whilst swimming. Without speaking to them, I don't like them but soon Rhiannon is chatting away to them like old chums (she is much more friendly than me). Turns out they are Canadian and despite being only 18 and 19 have been travelling for over a year and don't show signs of stopping. Rhiannon tells them she is 26 and they smile and say they thought only 21.

With an evil grin Rhiannon turns to me and says "he is 31." A tremor of horror runs through the Canadians as they try to contemplate why the old folks home would let me travel abroad without having oxygen on standby. On the plus side the conversation pretty much ends there as they move away in case I tell them off for swearing or being out late or something. She got bitten by a monkey in Malaysia and flew all the way back to Canada to have a rabies shot a few months ago. Funny.

Enough from me, we are still in Ko Phan Ngan so be warned there maybe more beachy rambling to come.