WARNING: THIS POSTCARD IS HUGE

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today….

For those of you that did not know the reason for my trip, I was going over for my brothers wedding. Lucia, my now sister-in-law, is from a town in Northern Slovakia called Dolny Kubin and that is where their wedding took place. Bratislava is the capital of Slovakia and is a really beautiful city. It has a lovely feel to it and is not too touristy, although I would imagine that it won't be long before it goes that way.

When we [Rach and I] decided to go to Europe our first booking was our flight from London to Bratislava. Starting as we meant to go on we got a flight for 1p! We had to pay GBP15 in taxes and baggage changes, but GBP15.01 is bloody amazing for any flight. Given that it would cost more than that just to get out to the airport. Unfortunately, our flight was at 06:30. That doesn't sound too bad until you factor in one hour for check-in and about 40 minutes in a taxi.

We were originally going to get the last train the night before and just sleep in the airport, but with our over stay in Paris we were fairly knackered and so decided to splash out and get a taxi to Standsted Airport from South London. So, at 03:50 we dragged our arses out of bed and tried to get our stuff in order. Just to put this in perspective, Rach had only just arrived in Europe two days previous and had been going non-stop since she arrived. What with Paris and our little stint in the hospital we had not yet had a chance to stop and relax. I was a little luckier as I had been in Europe a week at this stage. So off we went to the airport trying to wake up enough to get excited about going to Slovakia.

Bratislava is a fairly small airport and so we got through immigration fairly fast. The arrivals lounge is about ¾ the size of a tennis court and has all the essentials; an atm, a bar, and a vending machine that has fresh flowers in it! All the business essentials! Getting from the airport to the city was very easy and the locals are super friendly and showed us what we needed to do.

As we arrived so bloody early, we had to wander around the city until we could check into our hostel. (At this point you are probably thinking that maybe we should have paid for a later flight.) We decided to get a double room as knew we would be knackered and wouldn't want a bunch of drunks rolling in at all hours waking us up and all the other obvious reasons as well ;-). I still believe that no matter how tired you are you still have an energy reserve for sex. The problem being that once that is used up you are pretty much useless for anything else.

Our room was quite basic with a certain Eastern Europe ex-communist charm to it. Our bathroom light was on a sensor - this sounds good until you realise that the shower curtain keeps setting it off though out the night and it doesn't go off for about 20 minutes. For our entire trip this was the most expensive room we stayed in - and certainly not the best.There are not that many hostels in Bratislava so they can pretty much charge what they want. I only found out when we were there that Quentin Tarantino's film Hostel is based there. I have not see it but it sounds brutally violent.

Nick flew in later that day and was heading straight up north to Dolny Kubin. After about an hour in our room we were going to join him rather than stay the planned two days in Bratislava. Thankfully, we decided to stay.

Slovakia is the first ex-communist country I have ever visited and it shows its history throughout the country. Bratislava is a beautiful old town and has a big castle atop of the hill over looking the city. It is not until you are up at the castle that you see all the high rise tenement buildings that were built during communist rule. The old town is on one side of the river and is very picturesque while the other side of the river looks so oppressive with all the industrial looking buildings. This is same scene that I saw throughout the country. I found it quite sad that everywhere there was beauty the iron curtain had laced it with oppression.Thankfully, there is no feeling of this from the people. Everyone we met was more than friendly and I would definitely go back at some stage.

While we were there we met up with some of my relations and had a drink or two with them. From speaking with them it became obvious that the hotels are not as expensive as our hostel. So, a bit of advice here. If you are going to Bratislava and want a room to yourself - stay in a hotel!

The two days that we spent in Bratislava were very relaxing and we very well feed on all the local dishes. Both Rach and I would always try a local dish over something familiar and I have to say there was nothing I wouldn't eat again. It was what I would call working class food. Don't get me wrong when I say that, I do not mean it as an insult. I would consider stew to be the same. It always has loads of flavour and is filling. I suppose if I was to be politically correct you would call it hearty food.

Nick and Lucia had organised for a bus to take a load of us to Dolny Kubin. Although it is not a difficult journey to get there by yourself the train stations are not the best sign posted and you can easily get off at the wrong place. Rach and I had originally decided to get the train as we didn't want to hang around waiting for everyone to turn up for the bus. However, we found out that the bus was going to leave at a set time regardless of who was there, so we wouldn't have to hang around and we also didn't have to think about anything. Good planning N&L.

Now this is where I come in to mess things up. We were all told to be at the bus station at 10am and the bus would be leaving at 10.30. At 10.20 we still had not seen anyone we recognised and than I got a call from my aunty - "where are you both?"

Unfortunately we were at the train station rather than the bus station and had 10 minutes to get to the other side of the city. The reason we were at the train station was that I thought it was the bus station. All the local buses started and finished there and so it looked more like a bus station than a train station. Now, I know you might be thinking that I am really stupid to confuse a bus station with a train station. But given the fact that we were waiting outside by all the buses and never went inside we did not see any trains. Thankfully, the city is not too big and our taxi driver knew what speed to drive at to slow down time!

So, after not wanting to get the bus due to having to wait for others we almost missed the bloody thing ourselves. At least we weren't the last to turn up though.The journey north was about 4 hours (to be honest I am writing this a year after the event and can't really remember the smaller details).As with Bratislava there is beauty and ugliness alone the way. All of a sudden in the middle of nowhere you would come across a huge big factory and tenement buildings for the workers. I could only imagine how hard peoples lives were during this time.

After nearly 5 hours (I do remember we were late - might be to do with the beer stop along the way) we pulled into Dolny Kubin and checked into our hotel. It was great as everyone was staying in the same hotel and we all went out for dinner together. Nick and Lucia joined us for a quick hello. There were still lots of things to do for the next day but they came and had a quick drink with us all.

One thing I have noticed on my different travels is that you can judge how religious a country is by their hotel staff. I am guessing you are trying to figure this bit out? I shall explain. Many times I have booked a double room for myself and my girlfriend only to get to the room and find it's a twin - the receptionist doesn't want to aid us in our sin. So we just push the beds together and leave it at that. However, the housekeeping staff do not want to be party of it either and pull the beds apart and in some cases even put a small table between the beds! Needless to say, that still never stopped us!

Anyway, back to the main story. Nick decided not to have a best man as he felt uncomfortable choosing one friend over another so he just went for groomsmen. Alan, Karl and myself were those chosen for the honour. Before the church ceremony the plan was to go get some pictures taken at a local castle with the bridle party.The whole "seeing the bride in her dress before the ceremony" thing does apply in Slovakia. The event was a mix of eastern and western traditions and it worked really well. Before we went off to get the pics taken I shared a beer with my brother and enjoyed the quite while everyone else was milling around getting ready. The funny thing was that it was 10am, the beer is 11% and Nick was writing his speech!

The wedding went off without a hitch and was done in both English and Slovakian and was really touching. Due to the fact that we [the groomsmen] had no idea what we were doing we stood up a couple of times when were not meant to and at one stage grabbed our hats as we thought we were leaving. Thankfully, nobody really noticed.

There was one interesting BO issue. Imagine this, you get all dressed up and go to a wedding and every so often you can smell the distinctive aroma of body odour. All you know is that thankfully it's not you! You start to try and figure out who it is each time your nostrils are assaulted. Slowly you come to think it's the person beside you. I thought it was Karl and my next move was how to tell him he stinks! Needless to say I didn't mention anything during the ceremony. Outside I lightly mentioned it and he said he smelt it too and before long the three of us were all on the case. It was not until the next day that we found out it was the priest! Nick and Lucia told us they were nearly dying with the pong. Maybe he does it to calm the nerves, if all you can think about is the destruction of one of your senses you will not be getting stressed out. How noble and kind?

The reception was without a doubt the best planned drinking and fun event I had been to in years and with 4 years as a alcohol rep that is saying something. Firstly, you got fed endlessly though the day and night. There was so many courses and snacks brought out and a buffet at midnight! Secondly, it was an open bar. That is a powerful combination and a bloody wise move when you are entertaining two nations famous for their drinking ability. The food constantly kept you on the respectable side of drunk and the wine was seriously tasty. Alan and myself put a proper hurting on stocks of that. The music was the only challenge but N&L had a contingency plan for that as well and pulled it off bigtime.

Being part of the wedding party I was sat at the top table but Rach was at a different table with my rellies. Thankfully she had met some of them in Bratislava and everyone was really friendly (see paragraph above for reasons).It was a bit difficult as I wanted to spend time with her, catch up with friends and family, and spend some time with my bro and new sis. All this meant that I was running from one table to another, don't worry though I never spilt a drop of alcohol.

It was great to catch up with everyone and to be surrounded by people that have the same sense of humour as you. It was not until this event that I truly realised how different our [The Irish] sense of humour is from other nations and how I had missed it. It just felt so easy and comfortable. I don't feel like I can't explain it other than to say it was an emotional day - all very positive emotions!

It was not until the dance floor stated to get going that I felt the need to gear up the alcohol intake. I know that is a dreadful state of affairs, but like most people I need a bit of Dutch courage to get myself up there. Once I am there I am there all night and no longer need any booze. But it gets me up there; think of it as my dancing motivational fuel.

After a skinful of red wine and beer I decided that I needed to enlist the help of Mr Daniels and his friends from the Coke-a-Cola Corporation. After several quick meetings my motivation was at the correct level and off I went.

It didn't take long for me to do my attempt at Irish dancing. I like to think of myself as a dance innovator, merging and fusing different styles of dance into one super power movement. As yet no name has been created for this style as only I can truly understand and control it and hence many fear its power.

There have been many attempts to simulate my style but all fall vastly short of the mark that I leave. The easiest way to describe it is as a dancing black hole in which the gravitational field is so powerful that nothing, not even light, can escape its pull.All surrounding moves and styles are absorbed and atomised and than reformed! A video clip of this is said to be in existence but many fear watching it as the brain can not process at such speeds and thus all fail to comprehend the full magnitude of my moves. I am hoping that one day Stephen Hawkin will attempt to work it out but I fear even he will be stumped.

As you can imagine the next day was pretty much a write off and so Rach and I just wandered the town checking out the sites. We also were able to bum a lift to our next destination, Krakow, as there was no direct route via public transport.

All in all it was an amazing trip though Slovakia and it was great catching up with everyone and being part of my brothers wedding. It is cool that in one day your family can grow. I am not sure when the next expansion will take place as my relationships are like rafts. In fact my relationships are very much like white water rafting, maybe one day I will board the ship.

All the best, Em.