David Tester Hi Marion & Nick, I expect you’ll be home by the time you get this blog, but life’s been a bit hectic with decorating so I’ve only just got round to doing it. I’ve been looking at the derivation of American place names on Wikipedia and thought I might share them with you. KAYENTA; named after a woman called Kay who entered a bar in the town at a time when only men were allowed in, she insisted on staying and due to her stubborn insistence they renamed the town Kayenta. TUCSON; a town built virtually single handed by a cowboy who had a son that he cared for a great deal, although food was scarce he was always asking his boy “would you like some tuck son” so the town was named Tucson in his honor. SEDONA; So called after the local population donated all their left over seeds at the end of the planting season, the seeds were taken to a warehouse and put into small packets for distribution throughout the country, this seed donation resulted in the area being called Sedona. HOPI; so called after the famous cowboy Hopalong Cassidy, as a school boy he would win the sack race every year at the school sports day, he went on to win a gold medal for America in the 1926 Olympic sack race, he was the best hopper ever seen and was given the nickname hopalong, his mother Mrs Cassidy was so proud of him as was the whole town which was renamed Hopi in his memory. It's amazing what you can find out on Wikipedia.

David Tester Hi, It’s me again, I’m sorry to bother you when your over there enjoying yourselves but I need to get this off my chest. Penny is acting completely out of character lately, she’s normally a kind and loving person but I just can’t seem to do anything right. You see I found a coconut shell and cut it in half, they make a fantastic authentic galloping horse hoof noise when you tap them together, so I’ve been galloping round the house like a proper cowboy making a realistic clip-clopping noise, after the guitar episode I thought Penny might cut me some slack, but no, now she’s fed up with the row I was making with the coconut shells, I’d only been doing it for about three or four hours, so I put my trilby and holster on, I really looked like a proper cowboy, you know, like the pictures you sent me on your blog, and I went out side and galloped round the lawn, you can go much faster out there, the coconuts were click clacking like crazy, such fun, such fun, then the door opened, and in a very loud angry voice Penny shouted at me to come in, she snatched the coconut shells from me and threw them on the fire, and said it would be very embarrassing if the neighbors caught site of me, well they’re old fuddy duddy’s anyway all they do in the garden is prune their mouldy old roses and walk round saying “isn’t this one lovely oh yes dear and look at this beautiful bloom”, they should get a life the silly old farts. So anyway I got my ‘pin the tail on the donkey’ out and had a game of that, I did make a game up once of pin the truncheon on the policeman, you should have seen where the truncheon ended up sometimes, Penny tore it up and said I was being disgusting again. Anyway, when I was playing `pin the tail on the donkey out in the garden I got disorientated with that blindfold on, I must have staggered through the gap in the fence because I ended up falling in the next door neighbors pond, he was sitting in his rotten old deck chair which collapsed under him as he tried to jump up, I apologized and he said that’s OK, would you like to see my shubunkin” , I said “no I would not I’m not like that” and run back to our garden as fast as I could, trouble is in my haste I missed the gap in the fence, now there’s two gaps. I think Penny could sense I was a bit upset when I went in , she gave me a cuddle and has made me my favorite ginger bread men and smartie cakes, Geoff rang to say he was coming round so I’ll get the Buckaroo out for us to have a game, he said he’s never seen it but I’m sure he’ll like it cause he’s played something called scrabble a lot but this might be a bit more difficult for him to get to grips with. Must go and get Buckaroo set up. P.S. Think I was right about Geoff finding Buckaroo a bit of a challenge, he took one look at it and made an excuse that he should go and see Ron.

David Tester Well it looks like you’re all enjoying a wonderful holiday, except for the weather and that lovely stew, but only a week left though, I expect don’t want reminding about that. It’s a little fractious in this neck of the woods but before I explain I have a request, if you happen to go into one of those cowboy provision stores, you know like the one Alan Ladd used in the film Shane, I wondered if you could look for a cowboy song book with songs in it like `Three Wheels on my Wagon` and `I’m an Old Cow Hand from the Rio Grande`, I could do with some new songs because I`ve been singing with my guitar that song `Home, home on the range` you know, that one where the dear and the antelope play, where seldom is heard a discouraging word, a bit different to what I hear in this house, well it takes a lot of practice but I’ve probably only sung it about thirty times a day to try to get it right, Penny has taken to removing her hearing aid and sticking her fingers in her ears, a little bit unkind I feel, but the final straw came when she snatched my guitar from me and has hidden it somewhere, well I can tell you I have to put up with episode after episode of that silly old biddy Miss Marbles, or whatever her name is, I can`t even watch `The Lone Ranger` or `The Cisco Kid`, Penny keeps the remote control in her handbag and I`m not allowed to touch that. So life`s a bit boring at the moment, I`ve spent a few hours playing Buckaroo but I get a bit fed up playing on my own as I keep winning, so a song book would be great, I`m sure Penny will give my guitar back if I learn some new songs. I have thought of something else to play but I`ll let you know about that next message. Bye, keep on cowboy`in and enjoy your last few days.

David Tester In answer to your earlier blog, I’m amazed and slightly disappointed, after all your training to be cowboys and girls you decide to stuff yourselves in a car for you trip to Sedona, I was looking forward to your account of galloping down there on horseback. Think you missed a great opportunity, imagine how Pepery and Salty would have enjoyed it, you could have approached a local rancher and offered to drove his steers down there for him. Imagine the thrill of herding them across the prairie, I’ve been watching Raw Hide and it looks quite easy, all you basically need is to learn to crack a whip, use a lasso and shriek YE HA, though you should leave the lassoing to the fellas, those steers are as strong as a small donkey with a leg missing. Just think what you missed out on, you could have set up camp in the evening lit a fire with a fire lighter you cadged fro those indians, cooked bacon and beans then settled down for the night on your blanket and watched the amazing starry night sky as you drifted of to sleep with the sound of the crackling dying embers of your fire, of course the boys would have to take turns to be on guard in case of rustlers. In the morning you could set of with your herd across the wide open range and if you came across one, galloped into town ye ha’ing, tied up the nags outside the saloon,strode through swinging doors, minced up the bar shouting barman pour me a J2O one for my friends and quick about it.Yes, you missed out on a great adventure, probably would have been the highlight of the holiday. I will send next message soon, I'm a little bit down in the dumps, Penny bless her heart had been a bit awkward with me, you know bossy like, she probably doesn't mean to but it's a bit upsetting. must go now telling me to go to bed.

Dave T Woke up this morning to a blue sky, got so excited as I was going to mow the lawn for the first time this year, dashed down to the shed and got the mower out, tittering neighbors over the fence, dashed back to the bedroom as I had forgotten to get dressed in my excitement, mowed the lawn and decided to BBQ the breakfast, fitted some old bike wheels to the BBQ to make it look like a chuck wagon, put the cacti out on the lawn to make it look like a prairie, quite pleased with it all, put my trilby on and got my bike out, it’s called bluey, it’s black actually but I really wanted a blue one, anyway, I rode round the circle a few times with Penny running behind, then in through the gate and a few tuns round the lawn, Penny was tailgating me and I got a bit unnerved, almost fell off onto a cactus, pulled up by the chuck wagon and cooked breakfast, cornflake waffles and spam, Penny wouldn’t have any, stuck to her boring old toast and plain yogurt and wouldn’t even sit outside with me, went and played tennis on my own against the back wall, I won, tonight I’m going to get my guitar and light a fire on the patio and sing cowboy songs to myself, well there’s not much on the tely. (Wish I was over there really with all you proper cowboys an girls.

Dave T Great photo of you on that nag called peppery, I guess that white one Nick is sitting on is salty then Sounds like you had a good breakfast, keep eating like that and climbing on a horse might get a little more difficult. The photos are still upside down by the way, but don`t worry as I`ve still got my computer upside down in anticipation of further photos, so Penny did another handstand to read this blog and again her dress fell over her head, couldn`t tuck it into her nickers this time though as she had forgot to put them on this morning so I just removed her dress, think we more or less got the gist of blog, bit difficult to understand Penny when she`s upside down with her teeth chattering with the cold, perhaps if you could sort out the upside down photos we could turn the computer the right way up, it might make life a little easier for Penny. Looking forward to reading more, I just cant wait to turn on the computer every day, it`s given me a new lease of life.

Dave T Good day dear Marion & Nick & crew, when do you venture into Red Indian country, I`m a little apprehensive about you going there, last night I watched a Gary Cooper western, the Indians were very aggressive you know, you might be better off to do something a little safer. I did get a few tips from the film that could help you stay safe so if you do have to go these may help. If you stop for a rest make sure you make a circle with the wagons, Indians are not too clever with anything that looks remotely like a roundabout and can easily get themselves lost looking for exits, watch out for smoke signals, one puff means they are looking for you, two puffs means they have spotted you, three puffs means they have their war paint on and are on the war path, no puffs means they forgot to bring the fire lighters but they may phone Tesco`s to deliver some with the provisions, take plenty of rouge, you know how they can behave towards pale faced women, tell Nick to carry a bow and arrow and stick a couple of feathers in his hair, with that pony tail the Indians may just mistake him for one of them, after all it would be a great shame if they scalped him after all his effort to grow the pony tail. Anyway, stay safe and come back in one piece, we all love you over this side of the pond and can`t wait to have back in Blighty, must close now .....(sniff).....i`m cracking up a bit.....(sniff sniff)..... keyboards getting a bit wet....(sniff).........bye. PS. Don`t worry about me, Penny`s given me a big hug and dried my eyes, just going to watch `The Last Of The Mohicans` and the `Revenant`great films about Red Indian cruelty.

Mel Dolding I'm logging on to your blog to find out out what Dave has to say next! :)

Dave T By the way, don`t worry about the upside down photos, Penny and I turned the computer upside down so the photos appear the rite way up, bit of a job as its fixed to the desk so the desk is now upside down, trouble is your writing is now upside down, no problem though because Penny did a handstand so she could read it to me while I looked at the photos, her skirt covered her face at first so I tucked it in her knickers, that solved the problem but she was a bit red faced time she had finished then the door bell rang, even more red faced as poor Penny forgot to untuck her skirt when she answered it, it was that nice church minister, even more red faced than Penny, see what trouble you`ve caused from the other side of the world.

Dave T By the way, lovely photo of you all but is standing upside down a trick the American Indians have taught you or is are you really in Australia.

Dave T Your first days horse riding sounds lovely but what a coincidence, we went over to Paddock Wood with the grandchildren and managed to do a bit of horse riding, well I say we but it didn`t quite work out like that, I was first up and was really enjoying a slow trot until the horse started to buck and kick, it was all I could do to hang on until the attendant came over and switch off and unplugged the lead from the socket, he got quite nasty towards me saying that I shouldn`t be on it at my age I said to him well how much older have I got to be. Penny was quite embarrassed, I think it was the line of mums with their kids crying their eyes out because they didn`t get a turn on the dam think, the mums got quite shirty with me too, all standing there with those gadgets stuck to their hands doing that Faceblocking and Tweetering thing. Needlass to say we wont be going back to Paddock Wood play park again.

Dave T Up late again, Hearse driver very laid back, mosey on through the crematorium, passed through Pembury, Hawkenbury, frant before arriving at Crowborough, sunny and warm weather, Life is great here.

Dave T Got up late, no breakfast, wandered around Morrisons,back home, cup of tea with Ron, life`s exciting here.

Dave T We saw some gold finches and a robin and two cowboy builders working on a house, i`m just off to do some whip tricks, it`s all happening here.