Bay to Bay, with a Volcano on the way!!

After our lovely trip around Hobbiton we high tailed it in the van all the way to Whakatane. Whakatane (pronounced Fa-cu-tar-ne for a reason we can't work out) was mainly populated by inbreeds. Seriously, some of the oddest mofo's you could ever imagine were sauntering about town like they ran the place. According to our little tourist box it is the norm in Whakatane to walk about in your swimwear for most of the year. We found the only campsite in town, ran by a chain smoking hillbilly, parked up and went to get some supplies. That evening after dinner we did two things. The first was ringing up and checking our tour was still going ahead for the following day. The second task for the evening was finding a religion that would help us survive the night.

Successfully making it through the night meant that today would be a good day. It would also be pretty exciting as we were heading off on a seriously life threatening adventure. Our tour of the day was to a volcanic island. White island is situated 43km of the North east coast of New Zealand. White Island is one of the most fascinating and accessible volcanoes on earth, carrying with it an A grade level of scientific importance. As New Zealand's only live marine volcano we thought it was worth having a look at.

Having checked in and boarded the boat we waited for the rest of the tour people (once again we arrived too early). The journey out to the island was a windy one, Mel would like it to be mentioned that the sea was choppy, but when is it ever anything else? The boat ride consisted of people watching the other members of the tour through our sunglasses. Easily identifiable nationalities included, the loud Yanks, the ruthlessly efficient German with a GoPro (camera) strapped to his chest! The weird Kiwis talking rubbish and then the honkytonk French couple, wearing berets and talking all French. These people were all perfectly fine to watch, they were doing no one any harm at all, if anything their mannerisms helped pass the time. There was however 1 man that was annoying the s*** out of everyone on the boat, this man shall be known as SunScreen Man!!! This guy thought he was Dr Ian Grant (Sam Neill) from Jurassic Park; well he had exactly the same hat, so Declan decided he was trying to look all important. Sunscreen Man was perched at the front of the boat facing towards everyone minding his own business for about 5 minutes. Then when the boat started to pull off and head out of the harbour, his annoyance began. He rifled about in his wannabe hiking bag looking for his sunscreen, unfortunately for everyone, he found it. He then spent the next 45 minutes putting it on. And that isn't an exaggeration. He squeezed out a pea sized amount on to his arm, then slowly started to rub it in. When that ran out he did the same again. Then again, then again, then again. Now most people wouldn't find this at all annoying. Declan was losing his marbles over it. Why not just get a big dollop in your hand, rub it in and have it done with? Declan wasn't the only person watching this man drag the living hell out of a 3 minute job. The American couple opposite noticed as well and were equally enthralled be how such a simple thing could be made last so long. It was like he thought he was DaVinci and he was painting his fooking arms.

"Mel pass me the sun cream". Declan had decided that in this situation it was best if he just showed the man how to do it properly and not take forever. Dollop, rub, done arm 1. Dollop, rub, done arm 2. The Sunscreen man was still working in pea number 6 into his first arm!! Not one to miss out on the action, the American guy also decided he would see how quickly he could get his suncream on before Sunscreen man, guess who finished first. In fact while Sunscreen man was applying his own product, no less than 6 other people had taken up the "can I beat him" challenge. Eventually he finished, much to everyone, including his wife's delight. We think she may have suspected that the entire boat was watching her husband and told him to hurry up. All this proves that people watching really is a great pass time, before we knew it we were at the island.

The volcano is estimated to be between 100,000 and 200,000 years old. Most of the volcano however is under the sea, the small portion of the island that is visible above sea level has been in its present form for an estimated 16,000 years. When we arrived we were given our survival gear, a gas mask and a hard hat!! Suited up and ready to go we hopped in a smaller boat to take us to the island.

Walking on White Island is like walking on the moon. Virtually no vegetation survives the harsh acidic environment inside the crater walls. Instead, lush beds of yellow and white sulphur crystals grow amongst hissing, steaming, bubbling fumaroles. With all the Sulphur Dioxide in the air the place smelt like rotten eggs, luckily for us we had the gas masks.Giant mounds, remnants of the 1914 Great Landslide, dwarfed us as we slowly made our way up to the Main Crater. Venturing to the edge we were greeted by an amazing sight - an immense crater, with towering walls shielding its spectacular greeny lake and punctuated by steamy vents from which the power of the inner earth constantly belches forth.

In contrast to these natural features, stand the ruins of an old factory, the only human testament to the numerous failed sulphur mining attempts of days gone by, and now slowly being reclaimed by Mother Nature. Scientific equipment is also discreetly positioned around the volcano. Its activity is constantly being monitored in case it starts to go off again. A seismograph, survey pegs, magnetometers and a camera all provide information on just what the volcano is up to.

Our tour guide seemed to know everything about the island and its history. He told us one story that was worth mentioning. As we were walking past a huge ash mound he told us about the foreman from one of the mining operations. His name was Homer something. Homer would take a walk every day after dinner around the crater site and inner mountain area. He did this walk to check that there hadn't been any rock slides or other volcanic activity, apparently he had a really good 'gut feeling' when something bad was going to happen. Anyway Homer went on his walk and trudged up to the top of the mould we were now standing by. Some 3 hours later, his 'caring' staff noticed he wasn't in the 8 person cabin!!! With the sun now setting the workers set off to find Homer but could find no sign of him. They decided to also trudge up the mound to get a better view of the inner mountain. At the top of Homers mound as it's now called, all they found were his boots, perfectly side by side with the laces tucked in. Many stories were concocted about what happened to Homer, many believe though that he threw himself from the summit into the steaming crater below. Which begs the question, why did he take his boots off??

Thankfully there were no sunscreen incidents on the way back into the harbour and as the crossing was 'choppy' Melanie decided to sleep the whole way back and leave Declan to stare out the window and avoid eye contact with all the French people. That evening, because Melanie hadn't worn her gas mask religiously like Declan, she felt lightheaded from breathing in the sulphur dioxide and slept like a log for most of the evening and through the night.

A huge drive awaited us the next morning so we set off early and fuelled up on sweets. Our drive today consisted of travelling across the entire country from east to west and then up towards the pointy bit at the top on the north island. Along the way we thought we'd get a quick outing in so the whole day wasn't spent driving. Our excursion today was to the Waitomo glow-worm caves. The cave we ventured into formed part of a larger network of caves that are all protected and conserved. The opening we climbed down was first found back in the 1800s by some British explorers and their Maori guides. The tours down into the caves started in 1890 and the passages down in the tunnel have been made easily accessible for the thousands of people that visit every year. We were introduced to our tour guide, who was apparently a relation of the first guide who found the caves many years before. Even if he wasn't a relation, he did provide us with some laughs, mainly for the way he acted. Firstly he told us hundreds of rules about etiquette in the cave then went and broke all of them himself about 5 minutes in. He also kept us amused with his disjointed, preacher sounding sentences. "the...........cave that we............are standing......in....is thousands of.......years old" He also got a real joy out of randomly turning out the lights while explaining things. Deep down in the cave we entered an area called the church. The church was a vast cavern with a massive round roof. We were told that famous singers like Sting and Diana Ross had recorded down in the cave because of the great acoustics of the church. He lit up the whole space and asked if anyone would like to belt out a tune, everyone on the tour was too shy to start singing except one little girl who started singing 'twinkle twinkle little star'. Further on down the way we got our first taste of the glow worms. The guide once again plunged us into darkness and as he did we started to see the tiny blue specs appear on the roof of the church. After this tease we were led down into the flooded chamber where they have constructed a small dock at the beginning of the cave stream. The glow worms live in the dark chambers above the stream and trick the insects into flying into their webs by emitting a faint bluish glow. We clambered into the boat and the guide silently pulled us along into the first lightless cavern. As the bulbs on the dock faded in the distance a new light was starting from above. As we left the dock well and truly behind the blue glow of thousands of glow worms came into sight. The guide stopped the boat and as our eyes adjusted we were left awestruck by the sheer amount of glow worms in our presence. The glow of millions of little lights completely filled our vision in the pitch black cave. After about 10 minutes floating through the cave we eventually came to the cave mouth and the end of the stream. We hopped out the boat as our guide silently floated back into the dark cave. In an almost practiced move the guide disappeared into the shadowy abyss and then, just when he knew the sound would be right he bellowed, "Goodbye and good luck" What a guy, the echo of his parting shot broke his final rule, 'don't talk when surrounded by the glow worms'

Back in the van and were slowly ebbing away at the miles north. We passed through Auckland making sure our route went over the bridge so we could catch a full shot of the city. We continued another few hours north until we finally got to the only campsite on 90 mile beach. As we had been driving the sky had turned a dark colour and we knew what that meant, after nearly 3 weeks the weather had finally decided to turn on us. Every tour or trip we've done during our time in New Zealand the weather has been firmly on our side, from the perfect conditions when we were in the Milford sound to the clear skies for Dec's skydive. A quick check of the weather told us it would storm for the next few days, our last in NZ. Almost as if planned, the rain started hammering down as soon as we had finally parked the van up for the night. We listened on for the rest of the night as the rain turned to storms and we reluctantly gave up hope that our final trip in the morning would be going ahead.

Guess what?

Yep the tour was on, not only that but the skies were as clear as crystal, not a cloud in sight. Having found a dirt cheap tour on the net we toddled off to the meeting point and were slightly worried about the sort of people that we might be lumbered with. Remember the coach that you used to get for school trips in primary school? That exact same one turn up to get us, the doors flung open and we were greeted by Robin. Now Robin would throughout the day earn himself legendary status in our travelling memories, however when the doors opened and he was standing there he wasn't what we were expecting. Robin was a Maori of advancing years, easily 60 odd, perfectly combed hair, about 6 teeth and a grin that would frighten children, he then turned out to be the nicest funniest tour guide we've had.

Once in the van he explained everything we would need to know about being in a massive coach and driving along a beach. "don't worry" he said "if we get stuck ill supervise the team of diggers that will get us out........the shovels are in the boot, and you're the team of diggers" He then proceeded to launch the bus onto the sand with the same sort of bus jump last seen in 1994's summer hit 'Speed'. Robin would continue to drive with the vigor of a racing driver for most of the day, but he seemed to know what he was doing so we sat back and listened as he told us hundreds of funny stories about the area, his 'not so honest' tribe, Maori customs and legends and many other things that just cant be mentioned. Everytime he cracked a joke, which was quite often, he would take his eyes totally off the road (if a beach can be called that) he'd throw his head back and he'd laugh the most evil genius laugh you can imagine.

Back to the tour, we were driving all the way along a stretch of coast called, 90 mile beach. We were driving on the beach all the way up towards the lighthouse build at the top of the cape. We were told by Robin that the beach wasn't anywhere near 90 miles long the locals just called it 90 mile beach to fool tourists into going, as he said "not many people would want to come to 65mile beach, hehehahaheheha!" Along the way we stopped off a few times and Robin explained all about the huge sand dunes to our side and the sort of illegal fishing he like to get up to on his days off. After about an hour we turned off the beach and started driving up a river! Now were not in any sort of special vehicle, it is in fact the worst type of vehicle for driving on sand and then up a river, it didn't even have 4 wheel drive!! Any way as Robin drove up the river he told us he knew where all the sinkholes and quick sand was but then again he had been drinking the previous night and his vision still wasn't quite clear!! Thankfully he was joking and we arrived at one of our stops in one piece. The 50ft sand dunes towering outside our window were one of those stops. And we were here to do some sand sledging!!

Scampering in front of all the other tour people Declan made it to the top of the dune first. Sledge ready and with an eager rider waiting to go. At this point everyone stops climbing up the hill and stares on as SandRider, as he is now known, takes up position and starts his shimmy towards the edge. Down he goes, sand going everywhere, but safely he slides all the way to the bottom. Next up SandShrive-r, as Mel now wants to be known, she boards her sled and starts her shimmy towards the edge. Down she goes, reaching speeds never seen before on a sledge, she manages to stay remarkably straighter than SandRider did and she cuts a path, blazing a trail of sand behind her. She makes it to the bottom and her sledge starts to slow, but not as fast as she would like. With the sand running out and the river getting incredibly near, Mel starts to think she is going to end up in the 'drink' (an aussie phrase for getting wet). Just as the front of her sledge touches the tip of the river she stops. SandShrive-r hops out and we both head back up the hill for a few more goes!!

Totally covered in sand we all reboard the bus and Robin takes us through Sheep country and out towards his favourite fishing spot for some lunch. After a surprisingly good lunch we head off along the last stretch of road to the lighthouse. Once there Robin explains the Maori customs surrounding the cape. It is believed in Maori customs that after death their souls travel all the way up through the islands and to the tip of the cape, here where the Pacific Ocean meets the Tasman Sea their souls swim to the ocean floor and on to the afterlife. Robin says when it's his time he hopes to travel first class on Air New Zealand, as he never bothered learning how to swim!

Photo op down at the lighthouse complete we get back on the bus and head over to the east coast. Having driven all the way up the west on sand we weren't as lucky on the east as the coast is made up of hundreds of little bays. So for this side of the cap we travelled by country road. Along the way Robin pointed out a special type of cow called a Summa. "Look over there, you've got the Summa cow..............Summa white, summa black hehaheha" Now no tour would be complete without a trip to a souvenir shop. Well things are a little different on this tour, Robin takes everyone to the highest ice cream shop in NZ. There we both opted for a 'medium' sized ice cream, a 2 scoop as it was labelled. It was the size of Melanie's head, the thing was humungous! It kept us quiet nearly all the way to our last stop on white sand beach. On white sand beach we saw the sugar white sand collected a few shells and even saw a dead stingray. Getting back to the van after a full days tour we decided that we wanted to spend our last night at a beachside campsite, so we plugged in the little box and set off for just the place.

Our last day in NZ had finally come and after making it back down to Auckland we milled about and saw a few bits and bobs. We got ourselves a few drinks and decided that we deserved a big treat and got a couple of pizzas, and just our luck, we even got a 3rd one for free!!!!

There's no place quite like New Zealand! All in all we drove 4329km around the place. We had an absolutely great adventure and we saw and did some wicked things along the way.

So after an amazing 19 days it is with fond memories we bid farewell. Or as the Maoris say "Haere Rà"

Next stop Hong Kong!!