Courtney. July 26, 2010 @ 11:52

I'm writing this blog on my iPhone, sitting on a Slow Boat going from some jungle city in BFL to another one - "same same but different." So to the best of our understanding we are in Laos now,

Not Thailand. But that's a different story.

Right now I need to catch up on our second trip to Bangkok. BKK has definitely become our base camp of Southeast Asia. Not only is the magazine is based there, but Khao San Road has become more familiar to us now than our homes in the states. We know and have become friends with all the locals, and I can get to and from anywhere on The Road faster than I can get from my bedroom in California to my kitchen. On top of all that, our departure to Bangkok was from Koh Phi Phi - the island which I explained to the best of my ability in the last blog.But neither words, photographs, nor videos can do that island justice.

The plane ride was s***ty. We were all recovering and if you've ever seen the movie Sid & Nancy and you remember when he goes through an inadvertent detox because he doesn't have enough money to buy heroine than you can (maybe) understand how we felt. We almost rented a

Wheelbarrow to get Kaberly from the dock to the ferry (20 meters) because she started to die on us,and I accidentally punched myself in the face on the plane because I was having a dream that I had a Bacardi Breezer in my hand but when I went to drink it all I got was a rude awakening aka knuckle sandwich. The weirdest part was that I was still half awake when it happened - I don't fully understand either. The other s***ty part of the flight was when I took a Valium and then realized it was an Ambien and then realized that our flight was an hour and 10 minutes long. Ambien's half-life is 8 hours.

Anyway, we recruited a few groups of Phiple (people from Koh Phi Phi) to come with us to Bangkok. On top of our recruities, we randomly ran into AT LEAST 15 different people in BKK that were in Phi.

We did laundry in Bangkok. It was the second time we had to done laundry and we've been here for 5 weeks. And we only have 1 backpack each. We have become disgusting humans. Pretty gross. But we make up for our lack of genuine hygiene through a few, more superficial, methods. I got my 2 inch black roots bleached. Danielle and I went to the nicest salon in Bangkok and got our hair bleached and cut and got the best pedicures we've ever had for a total of $65 USD - for both of us. All together. The Thai women giggled the ENTIRE time they were bleaching my hair - isn't the point of dreads so that you don't have to do anything to your hair? Plus. Asian women have such beautiful hair that they would never do what I have done to mine. I'm a Flashpacker for sure. After our salon adventure I went back to the guy who fixed up my dreads last time I was in BKK. He's my new regular hair stylist. And by coincidence, he's featured in the magazine we're working with.

Now about the kids again. We've become good friends with a little girl, 13 years old, named 'Barb.' This may sound odd but she was out with us every night. When we would go into a bar or a club she would leave and when we came back to The Road she would be there. She is one of the many young children who is out all night when she should be sleeping in a safe home. When I was walking with her one night a woman tried to sell me a 6x6 inch cage filled with about 5 birds. While Barb and I were talking about how disgusting that was, one of the 50,000 Ping Pong show salesmen handed me a ticket for that night's vagina circus. I did the usual, "**** you" and kept waking and then Barb stopped me so she could have my full attention when she told me - "you know how those birds are in the cage and aren't free? That is just like the ping pong shows. Promise me you'll never go to one." I told her that she is wise beyond her years, I would never go to a ping pong show, and that I would tell everyone that I can what she had just told me.

Another thing that happened on our first Bangkok stop that I forgot to write about is that a Frog Lady cast a spell on Danielle. She said something in Thai and made a machete-like gesture on each of Danielle's 4 limbs (individually), laughed, and walked away. If you know Danielle, you know what a neurotic hypochondriac she is. She walked around Khao San Road for the entire day looking for the frog lady (there are about 300 of them on The Road and they are all wearing the same exact outfit. Finally, about 8 or so hours later, she found the frog lady and paid her to revoke the spell. Danielle is sitting next to me right now (actually, we're sprawled out on the floor of a wooden boat) and I just counted 4 limbs so I think the spell has been revoked.

While we're back on the first BKK trip, I also need to tell you a story that you kind of had to be there to understand why it's so funny. And you also have to know Kaberly and how funny some of the s*** is that comes out of her mouth. One of the many guys who try to weasel their way into our bedrooms at bedtime, was evidently standing outside of our room with his hand cupped to our door, listening to our conversation. And this is right after we broke the news to him that he would not be having relations with either Danielle OR me. This is how Kaberly tells me the story - "so he was standing outside of your room, stalking you - and I was hiding behind a wall stalking him back..." Doesn't sound as funny in writing but it was hilarious because Kaberly thought it was normal. The next day I almost pissed myself when, after watching her run 3 circles around an Internet cafe, when there were about 10 vacant computers. Danielle said - "Kaberly, there's a bunch of open ones." Kaberly's response was a flustered convulsion with a squinted face and flappy tongue and then yell across the cafe - "I know but I have this American bubble - and everyone's in it!"

By the way Danielle ran into someone on Khao San Road who got a tattoo at the same shop that her ex-boyfriend worked at in Auburn.

Leaving BKK wasn't as sad this time because we know we'll be back. A lot. Our cab driver to the airport was HILARIOUS. He speaks NO English, keeps saying things to me in Thai, and then all of that he says, "oh s***, traffic!" - another had to be there moment. I asked him where the King lived and if he was a red or yellow shirt - he thought both questions were the funniest things he had ever heard. Once he realized how stupid we were and that we were Americans he was intent on communicating with us somehow. And his how - was Pictionary. The cab driver got a pen and a paper from his glove box and we communicated via stick figures and crown drawings while he navigated at 120 MPH, through traffic that New Yorker couldn't even dream of doing.