I felt like kissing the tarmac as I arrived in Thailand.

Jonnie arrived the next day and we had a steady night out as we had sworn never to have a repeat of our last first night there where we had gone mental and managed to blow about four hundred quid between us.

Jonnie had never been to koh Samui so I suggested we went.

It's really easy I said based on my last trip there, we get an overnight sleeper train and then a quick bus ride, an hour on the boat and we are there. Boom.

We just get a ticket at the train station and they include everything. Easy.

So we head off to the train station and asked for the tickets.

Sorry sleeper train is full, we have only seats they told us.

After nearly breaking my neck on an on overnight seat train I had sworn never again, but apparently this was VIP class, so big reclining seats.

So rather than spend another night in Bangkok we bought the tickets.

Jonnie pointed out that the tickets had seemed too cheap based on what I had paid last time, and also I could have sworn I went to Surat Thani and not Chumphon.

But I was so blasé that the tickets would be the same as last time we just carried on regardless.

The train was not too bad but my super duper reclining seat did not recline as it was at the back and there were a load of cases behind it. A few seats in front was an English scum bag that just looked like trouble. Sure enough the guard arrived and told him he was in the wrong seat. He started kicking off saying that he was in an empty seat and was actually quite abusive.

Now the guards in Thailand are not like our over weight kiddy fiddlers we have in the UK, they are more like military. You do not argue with them.

Go on shoot him we said to each other under our breath.

Still carrying on he got up and sat directly in front of us and then tried to involve us.

Is this ok then, are you happy now if I sit in this seat, this empty seat he shouted in protest and then asked us to agree.

Oh look a squirrel shouted Jonnie and we suddenly found lots of things to look at out of the window.

All we need now is for him to start drinking heavily and talking to us the whole journey we thought.

Luckily he shut up and I inflated my new travel pillow to try to avoid a broken neck.

We will get really good food, I read about it, said Jonnie as the hostess started to come down the aisle with a trolley.

She gave us what looked like a radio active jam filled croissant.

Perhaps that was another train I read about said Jonnie.

We arrived at Chumphon about half five just as dawn was breaking. It was not at all as I had remembered. We were later to find out that was because I had never been there before.

Loads of drippy backpackers appeared out of nowhere and we were herded on to a pavement.

A bus turned up and people were herded on to it, but it soon filled up.

Then a pick up truck pulled up and we told to jump on the back.

Gosh that looks really safe we thought as we started to bundle in the rucksacks with four other German lads.

I was near the front and sat hanging over the side holding on to a bar on the roof. We knew if Jonnie attempted the same he would disappear over the side at some point so he decided to crouch down.

Off we went at about seventy mile an hour and I was hanging on for dear life. How the Germans never fell out the back I will never know.

After about ten minutes Jonnie shouted that his knee had just snapped, but if he attempted to move he would be over the side.

Finally after what felt like a twenty minute trip on the latest ride at Alton Towers we arrived at the boat terminal.

The Germans laughed as they jumped off having clearly enjoyed the white knuckle ride. I managed to peel my fingers off the roof bar and then we dragged Jonnie out the back like a cattle carcas. He was clearly in some pain.

The boat was already there and we went and sat downstairs. There was a terrible smell of exhaust fumes and petrol, but figured it was because we were docked and it would go once we set off.

A Spanish lad had damaged his ankle and was carried downstairs by his friends. I remarked to Jonnie how unlucky that would be if it happened on holiday and we discussed how lucky we had always been given some of the situations we had been in........famous last words.

Twenty minutes in to the trip and the smell was so bad I thought I would throw up.

I went on the deck but it was so crowded the only space was at the top of the stairs which was where the fumes were coming up from. If I faced backwards I got half fresh air so that was better than none.

Soon Jonnie followed me, and as a voice of authority I stated don't worry it's only a short trip.........

After nearly two hours and with no sign of any island on the skyline I started to question if I had ever made the trip before or if I just dreamed it.

There were a load of young travellers in front of us, it was about 9am, it was red hot and they started buying strong Chang beer and smoking heavily and starting to party. Jonnie and I just looked at each other and started to go green at the thought of drinking.

A few years back that would have been us.

We must be getting old we laughed out loud, but both sad inside that we knew those days were never coming back.

An island appeared in the distance. Given the events so far we were realising that there was a good chance that we were heading south and that koh Samui would be the last island. We were praying not as that meant a really long journey.

I looked at the outline of the island and it looked sort of familiar, so I reassured Jonnie that it was and that the long journey would soon be over.

Koh Tao, they shouted as we pulled up.

pants!

As everyone jumped off I had a cunning plan not to get gassed on the way to Koh Pahnghan and told Jonnie we would sit at the front.

As we set off it was Ok but we had nothing to sit on and the railing was only a foot high so the odds of Jonnie going overboard were pretty high.

Plus it was now getting towards noon and was getting hot.

Basically it was as uncomfortable as hell and I never put any sun cream on, so when the sea breeze stopped as we pulled up I could feel that I was burned like a lobster.

We were told to transfer to another boat for the final leg, so opted to go inside and prayed for normal air.

So we finally arrive at koh Samui approximately six hours later than planned. What we should have done which is what must have happened last time was to take the train to the end of the line which is just south of Koh Samui and only an hour by ferry as I had indeed remembered.

Oh well you live and learn.

However we now had to rent some motorbikes and drive an hour to the other side of the island which is where our resort was.

Bear in mind I had been fried on the boat, I was now getting fried on the motorbike.

We arrived in Koh Samui and I had a rough idea where the hotel was, but could we as hell as find it. So another hour of getting fried and by now we were just a pair of broken soggy messes.

After asking loads of people, we finally found it and it was a bit crap. But when we checked in we were told that the toilet was broken and that we would spend one night in their sister hotel and then come back to this one.

No way I shouted. I want two nights in the same hotel, I am not unpacking then packing.

But the sister hotel is much more expensive she said.

Show us the hotel first.

We were met by a lady boy who was clearly more of a boy than a lady.

The rooms were ace so we stuck with our guns of not paying any more for two nights.

The lady boy went mental saying too much money, but I think he fancied Jonnie.

Jonnie must have given his lips a lick in a way that did something and next thing we had the rooms.

Result, although I did warn Jonnie that he may be required for an additional payment ha-ha.

We were beyond shattered as we had been traveling 24 hours solid, and I was getting as red as a lobster with the worlds worst t shirt tan.

We had a steady few days and then a nightmare planning to get back to Bangkok.

There was no way we were going back the way we came, but the only option we had was to stay another day and then take a flight.

It was way more than we had budgeted for, but it was either that or stay much longer.

We bit the bullet and decided to go straight from Bangkok to Korat.