My little voice had been telling me all along not to take the night bus so soon to Cusco and to wait until my stomach was better, but there was no going back now.

I was not supposed to take my tablets until late on, but shoved them down before I got on the bus in the hope they might do something.

When booking I had been given a choice of a seat at the very front, or right at the back next to the toilet. It was going to be dark all the way so being at the front was pretty pointless, but there was no way I would want to be near the toilet..........would I ??

We set off about eight o clock and all was ok until they served the evening meal. The smell of the food made me feel really sick, even though it was really nice.

I took my meal and just left it on the tray as I started to feel even worse. I knew I was about a minute off chucking up.

Big problem though, I had a tray of food in front of me, had a woman with a tray of food next to me, and the trolley dolley was blocking the aisle.

Plan B, get a carrier bag I thought as I looked desperately for something to be sick in. I had nothing. I was in a right state.

I went with the power of thought just praying I could hold on and managed to last it out although the woman next to me had no idea of just how close I was to spraying the front of the bus, her included.

I had a glass of coke thinking it might give me a bit of energy, but instead it just triggered what I can only describe as a nuclear reaction in my stomach. When I had woofed the pills down before we left it had been on an empty stomach, so I can only guess one of the tablets reacted with the coke.

Oh my God I was in agony. I really needed to trump, but I could not trump as I would have crapped myself. I thought I was going to blow up.

I managed to survive until she had cleared all the food away but then I knew I was going to puke and I had about three seconds.

The toilet was at least ten seconds away right down the back of the bus.

Why oh why had I not chosen a seat next to it.

Well it was like a scene from Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon as I lept in to the air in what felt like slow motion and flew across the poor woman next to me and shot down the aisle bouncing off all the poor passengers.

I started heaving as my hand ripped the door open and just about made it with a final leap forward worthy of an England Rugby player.

I had no time to shut the door and just let heave with my legs still half in the aisle.

Praise the lord I made it. I have never been so pleased to be in a coach toilet in my life. How bad is that? I never even want to be stood in a coach toilet let alone face down in the pan.

It was disgusting.

I felt so sorry for those who were sat nearby as I heaved my guts up, but I reckon the whole bus could hear with me still having the door open.

But worse was to follow as the back doors decided they needed an exit as well.....

I am sure you can imagine the rest. All I can say was there was alot of gas.

It must have sounded like an epilectic had gone wild with a whoopie cushion.

But even worse for me I had not had time to put my shoes on so had to go in to the toilet with my socks on.......... it was without doubt the worst bus ride of my life.

I just wanted them to stop so I could just jump off and die by the road.

This was to continue all night. I would get back to my seat, think I was ok and then would have the three second warning. It really was hell.

The poor woman next to me, I clambered across her so many times during the night, I am surprised she did not put in an attempted rape complaint.

I was so happy to get off the bus it is not true.

I got to the hostel about seven am and knew there was no way I could be let near anything shared, so asked to change my dorm booking for a private ensuite. Luckily they had a room and it was free so I could go straight to bed.

I stayed in bed all day and then realised I was not getting any better and needed a doctor. Luckily you can get a call out service so I told them to go ahead and phone.

Four loads of tablets and I started to feel a bit better the next day. I was in Cusco for Machu picchu, but after the bus incident there was no way on earth I was going on a tour until I knew I was better.

Tell you what though, sod weightwatchers. Just get a really bad stomach bug, puke your intestines out, dont eat for a week and the weight flies off. I highly recommend it.

It was Corpus Christi festival in town, so the place was absolutely rammed. All the squares and open places were full of stalls selling Guinea Pig as part of the traditional festival meal. I had been wanting to try it for ages, but there was no way that was going to happen with my delicate stomach.

Cusco was really nice and scenic if a little touristy, so there were worst places to be stuck, and the weather was nice and sunny during the day.

I had the luxury of a tv in my room and the channels were really good so passed the time watching re runs of two and a half men.

To throw a spanner in the works, my friend John wanted to meet me and have a bit of a lads holiday, so we agreed on mexico, but had to be on the dates he could get off work. This now meant I had to get across central america in four weeks.

There was no way I could manage that, so would need to completely rethink what I was going to do.

In a way this was a blessing as it gave me plenty to occupy my mind in between Fox TV.

After a few days I knew I would go stir crazy, so even though not being a hundred percent, decided to go ahead and book my tour and the bus on to Lima.

After much deliberation over the huge choice of tours and treks available to get to Machu Picchu I decided I really could not be arsed with all the cobblers and the hype surrounding it and just booked the train and the bus to the top. Job done.

Get a picture of me at the top, tick that box and move on.

Anyone wanting to smell their own farts talking about which trek they took and how it was the original Inca route pulling faces at me saying that you have not done MP unless you enter through the sungate okay yah (oh and with trekking sticks..must be branded like north face okay yah), can step outside and have a punch up. a*******s.

so there I was all packed and set to leave in the morning when I heard a voice say hello and could not believe it. It was Jared and his mrs, Marie who I had met in China whilst travelling five years ago. What on earth were the odds of that? I knew they were doing south america too, but the odds of being in the same hostel??

It really is a small world.

I caught a mini van to the town where the train leaves from, a nice little village in the valley called Ollantaytambo, and had a beer to kill some time as I was really early.

The train was nice with a Panaramic roof, but it went dark after about an hour which was a shame as it was a nice view along the valley. It almost took my attention off the pan pipe music playing gorky park, and I did it my way, and the a******* in the next seat that bellowed out to everyone.

Hey, where are you guys from? Fair enough he is just making conversation so I humoured him.

I am from Hawaii.

I travel all over the world on business, I am here on business. Its a shame the hotels are not better as I am on expenses as I am here on business. All expenses paid. Mind you when you live in Hawaii the most beautiful place in the world..........

I pointed to a squirrell out the window and put my headphones in and looked the other way. a*******.

I hoped no one would spot I did not have my headphones plugged in to anything.

There was a mental old canadian woman opposite who carried on talking to him, so that took the heat off.

We got a lousy cold coffee and then we arrived in the dark now to michael jackson on panpipes.

The hostel was horrificly crap although it did have a good shower. It was only for a few hours as we had to be away by six in the morning. . I asked the porter for the wifi password and gave him my tablet to enter it. He looked a little confused, scratched his head and then picked his nose and proceeded to use the same finger to wipe his bogie across my tablet as he entered the password. What a surprise, the internet was down that night. Snot across my tablet for nothing.

I went out for some grub and saw a half decent offer on a grilled steak. There was a couple sat already finishing off and they told me how great value theirs had been so I sat down and ordered.

I feel sorry for them if they thought it was great value. It was shocking food. A wafer thin steak and some under cooked chips. But to make it worse they stayed and continued to talk to me.

We are from the States they told me.......Here we go I thought, never a good start.

Luckily only half of them have passports so stay at home. They were clearly drunk and therefore even more annoying. I gritted my teeth as I tried to be interested in them and thought about how I could do with plucking the hairs from my nose as they were getting a bit long.

Ten minutes later I realised I had not been listening to a word they had been saying. I think he had been telling me about how machu picchu had been discovered.

Who gives a s***, I just want a picture for facebook.

After what felt like an eternity they finally left me alone.

Is it my day for american a*******s or what?

I decided to go back to the hostel and kick the dog.

The tv only had two channels working, so luckily Frank, my brother, had put some movies on the cloud for me to download and watch which helped pass the evening. I finally got to watch Von Ryans express. Its a family joke as my dad always tells everyone the ending where he dies before making it on the train. I laughed at the end when Frank Sinatra died, but only for the fact I had known about it for the last twenty years.

Luckily there was another couple on my tour, Luis and his girlfriend who was from Peru although they now lived in Miami. So luckily they spoke Spanish and perfect English which was a lifesaver as the woman was going through bus, tour guide and ticket arrangements at a hundred mile an hour in Spanish. I know without them I would have been waiting in reception as opposed to walking to the bus station.

Breakfast was the usual joke of a dry bread roll and jam, so I did not bother and we walked down to the bus stop.

There was a woman selling sandwiches in the queue which looked quite nice, but there was no way i was going to get ripped off and pay two quid, so I went without as my empty stomach rumbled on the bus.

Half an hour later we were outside the entrance with all the other hundreds of tourists.

Thanks to Luis we managed to find the tour guide and get inside.

It was really impressive and the weather was just perfect. I got my photo and it was box ticked. However it was all done by 10am and my train back was not until 7 so I guessed I may as well do the full monty and walk up to the sun gate to see what all the fuss was about.

However it was a good two hours up the hill and back and I was starving, so had no choice but to go to the restaurant for some food.

I thought Alton Towers was a rip off until i saw the prices......seven quid for a sandwich ! Worst of all was I only had a tenner on me. I had been half planning to get the bus back down later rather than the hour walk back in to town, but now it was game over. Starve and get the bus now or pay rip off price and drag the day out.

So I ordered a tuna sandwich which was awful but it at least filled me up.

So I span the rest of the day out walking to the sun gate, pulling faces at all the overweight a*******s with their trekking sticks coming through the sun gate and then also went to the inca bridge which was an hour of my life wasted and then had an hour in the sun before setting off back in to town.

Just as I started walking down it started to rain. When I hit the bottom I was doing a shakin Stevens again from all the steps and it really started throwing down, so I stopped off at a cafe, scraped together my pennies and had just enough for a beer and a bag of crisps.

Despite the rest my legs were killing as I walked the final half hour up the hill and back in to town.

I got some more money out as i still had a couple of hours before the train left and headed to a place that advertised Abbott Ale.

I knew it would be over priced, but after the tuna sandwich incident nothing could ever be as bad.....or so I thought.

To my big mistake i did not even query the price as I ordered it.

It was delicious and went straight down.

Another, I shouted, licking my lips. A little taste of home and I was enjoying it.

Then I asked for the bill and nearly fell off my chair as I saw the receipt for almost fifteen quid. Eh? For two beers? I think that beats the record I once paid in Dubai.

No tea for me then I thought.

I jumped back on the train and then after that got the minibus back to the hostel for about 11pm.

Another box ticked, time to move on.

A flight to Ecuador was going to be too much, so I would have to go by bus to Lima first, 22 hours, and then another bus across the border to Ecuador, 26 hours. Well one thing was for sure, every bus ride from now on was going to feel like a business class airplane compared to the last one.

I had already booked my bus ticket with Marlon, the owner of the hostel a few days before, so next day it would be all plane sailing........surely?

Next stop Lima.....