Border Fun - Laos and Luang Prabang

April 2-5So here i am on a bus, that a guy in a local bar told me to catch in order to get to laos. I have no idea where it is on a map and when i get there i have not got a clue how to get to laos, so as you can imagine, i am starting to get a bit worried.it was an overnight bus, and we pulled up at around 9 am in a strange town.Everywhere i have been so far has been big commercial cities with quite a big backpacker scene, i.e. full of hostels. this place did not even come up on the web search.i remembered the hippie at the bar saying i needed to get to a town called Mengla, which is near the border, so when the coach pulled up i went to the ticket office and said "laos" and she looked puzzled. So i tried mengla and she asked for about 2 quid and said 10 o clock, so i went for it hoping that the hippy was right.I was pretty tired as i had just spent 17 hrs on a bus and now i was getting on another...............no it was actually a transit van that took a road that followed the mountains and just swerved from left to right for 5 hrs.2 people were sick on the bus, and he kept taking on extra passengers so they were also sat in the aisle as well, and as usual, no air con and it was hot.So 5hrs of swerving later i arrive in Mengla............i believe that it translates in to "rectum of the universe". what a hell hole. a tout at the bus station kept asking me to see his hotel, and would not take no for an answer, and i nearly hit him, but then he said the magic words "do you need dollars?"which i desperately did.So a quick transaction at the back of the bus station, and i am now not so panicked over the visa, but he tells me there is no bus to laos today and i can only catch one that takes me to a town i have never heard of and i get a connection from there.??????????fail to plan, plan to fail was what my little voice was saying to me again.sounds like you trying to trick me in to staying the night you little bugg*r i thought, so i walked off looking for a tour office (that there was obviously lots of) that i had once again assumed in my crazy mind..Then luckily, a japanese guy i met on the bus ran after me telling me i was going the wrong way and that there was only one place to book a bus. So we went to the ticket office and luckily he can read chinese and he told me the tout was telling the truth and there really were no buses that day.so we went to look for somewhere to stay the night and they were all really really bad. we found a hotel that was rough to say the least, but slightly better than what we had seen already.To give you an idea how rough it was,it had a massage parlour on the first floor at one end and a brothel come night club at the other.hmm interesting.my room was on the second floor and had condoms in the room. Upon closer inspection they had expired in 2005. also they charged the rooms by the hour. It did not need Columbo to work out what sort of place this was.But i had been on a coach for 2 days and i needed a shower so i took it, old condoms and all.I arranged to meet the japanese guy for dinner later (in a non gay way) so in the mean time i went to an internet cafe to try and work out where the hell i was and where i was going.On the way i realised that the town consisted of the following shops............mobile phone shop/brothel. mobile phone shop/brothel.etc etc.i had no joy with the internet, as the name of the town on my bus ticket was in chinese and no one spoke english. i spent ages trying to see if the dollars i had been sold were fake, but the americans change their notes like the seasons, so i just gave up.i stopped for a beer in a restaurant on the way back and ended up surrounded by flies, the place was disgustingly dirty, and to finish it off, as i waited outside for the jap guy, a bird sh*t on me (yea, yea, i know, the story of my life Mr Blakeway, before you comment).in a way i will be happy to leave china i thought as i tried to brush it off (the bird doo doo).As the beers started flowing, it turns out the japanese guy was ex mafia..................no trust me, i saw the bullet wound. but he was really nice and we had a laugh and then i fancied an early night so bid him goodnight and went to crash in my room.10 miuntes later there was a knock at the door and it was the jap guy."shall we go get some ladies???" he said grinning.Well the night was young, so i went with him and we had a load of beers (instead of the ladys, in case you are wondering, mum), and as usual i got to bed late and my bus was due at 8am the next morning.well the swerve bus was nothing compared to the swerve bus to Laos.Turns out the dollars were real and getting over the border was no problem, if not a little slow. The actual border was one policeman and a piece of bamboo across the road with a rope.Not exactly high security.the trip was supposed to be 5 hours, but was more like 7, and the main "highway" 13 is a dirt track. This used to be a dangerous road with many hijacks, and apparently all the buses have guns on board just in case. The bus stopped at Meung xai, a town a couple of hours in to Loas and then i could catch the 4 o clock bus to Luang Prabang, the old capital of Laos.I met an American girl, Sarah, who was off there as well so we decided to travel together. We went for a bite to eat then got back at 4 to find out they had cancelled the bus as there where not enough people.Just like that.We were offered the floor of a bus that was already full, but seeing as the trip was 7 hrs we turned it down, and waited for the next bus at 6, but were getting worried about the time we would arrive, and we had no accomodation booked.The bus station was just a roof in the middle of nowhere with chickens and dogs and goats just running around wild, but they did have a tv with cage wrestling on, so this helped to pass the time.Luckily sarah had a travel guide, so i rang the first one it recommended and booked a room telling them we would arrive late, so at least that was one less thing to worry about.so the 6 o clock bus left at 7, it was full of bags of rice and they had the stereo on full blast all the way. Most of the road is dirt track and has wild cattle and horses, so we spent much of the night beeping at them and trying not to hit them. It was proper torture.so we get in well after midnight and after arguing with a tuk man over 25p we get to the hotel which turned out to be a run down hippy shak with wood for mattresses and newspaper for walls. but we were both so tired we did not care. I was looking for a bit of a lay in, but i think the owner must have been Dr. Dolittle, judging by the amount of animals in the yard............that woke me up at 6.I am sure the same hippies that were stoned when we arrived were still spaced out on the veranda when we left. No, i am sorry, but i am not staying with hairy people that do not use deodourant, even if they are saving the planet.so the next day we found a much nicer hotel thank goodness.not much to report about luang probang, it was unbelievably hot and humid and i could not believe how small and quiet it is. the main tourist part consists of a couple of streets with a few restaurants, and the same down next to the river, and that really is it. there is a 11.30pm curfew, so everyone is in bed by midnight.It is really pretty with a little hill in the middle of town, and a really nice night market, a bit more of a place for couples, (now is your opportunity, mr blakeway) but i went to the waterfalls which are about an hour north, and just relaxed for a few days and then..................next installment...................Tarzan and Tubing at Vang Vieng