It's nice when a plan comes together. We last visited Hoi An in January 2019 - after Ho Chi Minh City and before Hue, Hanoi, Phu Quoc and then on to Cambodia, Laos, Thailand, Myanmar, India and Sri Lanka. Suffice it to say it was lucky we enjoyed our restful time in Hoi An in January 2019 - because we didn't stop until the March. As much as we want things to stay the same in this world, we know it's not possible, usual or, sometimes, even desirable. But jeez it's a shame when you come back to a spot that positively glows with rose coloured peace and tranquility and find, well, it's changed.

The property we stayed in for three weeks last time was lovely - we'd had a couple of nights at a villa homestay joint that wasn't for us and then took a walk down the street to find something else - and we happened upon a nice looking hotel who did an astounding rate for a three week stay. It was well built, marble bathrooms, egg baths, spacious, lovely staff, peaceful and just a short walk down the road were some amazing up-and-coming restaurants. Just down to the river and it was a peaceful walk into Hoi An old town. Note I say 'peaceful' a lot. Well. Not quite 5 years later and the property is now under new management, the breakfasts are fabulous buffets including a daily rotation of local noodle dishes and lots of Hoi An specialities, the new staff are lovely but the peace of this part of Hoi An is a long distant memory. The road passing the hotel is now a stream of constant traffic, large and heavy vehicles like trucks, coaches and concrete mixers - along with cars and seemingly endless scooters. And they all have horns and the propensity to use them. Scooters with advertising spouting from speakers is a particularly annoying part of the general, constant noise. The only time there isn't noise is when you put your earplugs in to sleep. The neighbours are not the best pet owners in the world and at least one dog barks piteously most of the day and night. He's quiet as I write this and I'm more than mildly surprised and just quietly concerned for his wellbeing. There is a crystal clear pool, comfortable sun loungers etc - but the impression of laying on a highway is too close for comfort. The last time we stayed here we spent days with our balcony doors open, enjoying the fresh air, birds tweeting and the serenity of overlooking the pool. This time - not once. The footpaths on the road the hotel is located on have been widened, paved etc - but it's now even more difficult to walk to the local restaurants as the locals have taken the opportunity of all that seemingly unused space to cover the 'footpaths' with parked scooters (or ridden ones), construction detritus, gardening detritus, chopped wood, parked cars and massive pot plants - so often you end up having to walk on the road, rather than down the 'foot' path.

The good things? Seemingly precious little unfortunately but circumstances have conspired to poison the well even further. The up-and-coming restaurants have up and gotten far too expensive, the joys of sitting and watching life go by have turned into feeling like you are eating in pit lane at a Formula 1 race track as the traffic streams past. We now alternate between a Thai street food spot on the river and a superb Vegan restaurant in the old town. Not that we've gone all vegan or vegetarian, but walking through the local market with the raw and cooked beef/chicken/pork/seafood and innards all sweating alongside one another has encouraged a major hiatus in the meat-eating department. So the food is still good - particularly at the two spots we frequent. Shopping? We've bought a couple of lightweight 'Patagonia' shoulder bags while we've been in Vietnam - one in Saigon and one identical but a different colour here. It's not that we're keen on brand names but these two cross body messenger bags are well designed and made, lightweight, stuff into their own pockets and were good value. We've bought some Vietnamese coffee and and a Phin filter (a tiny coffee press gizmo that sits on top of a cup) and a small leather passport/handbag that fits all requirements. Really not a lot of call for shopping for us. No point buying tailor made clothes as our avowed purpose here is to run through several items of summer clothes and two pairs of old Birkenstocks and bin them on our last night in Vietnam. Due to one thing and another it's only the patches that are holding the linen cobwebs we call clothes together. But we still look washed, ironed and apparently rich as we trot around town for our evening constitutionals - the calls of Buy Something! Drink Something! Look at Something! Eat Something! follow us about the town. Though in fairness some people have given up trying. (The most hilarious thing we haven't bought in Hoi An - though it is seemingly a thing - is a pair of matching outfits tastefully styled in banana print or palm tree print and seemingly most useful as summer pyjamas. Our record for a group of purchasees of such outfits was 6 - a multi-generational extravaganza that surely, surely, they got a really good deal on. Hoi An - Where Taste Goes to Die…?)

How's the diet coming? We're moving further down the spectrum of vegetarian/flexitarian eating every day. There is truly nothing quite like a wet market in full swing to put you off dead animals altogether. We decided years ago if we saw a particarly large rat in Sydney (or anywhere else), to paraphrase Manuel in Fawlty Towers - albeit we say 'chihuahua' rather than 'ferret'. Some rats are bigger than small chihuahuas and face it, when these things are roaming about it's good to have something to laugh about. So we were telling our story of 'chihuahuas' to our coffee selling lady at the market - not that we wanted to make her feel bad… but because two large ones were meandering down the aisle just behind her. And during dinner one night one popped through our restaurant's forecourt… only to scoot back 10 minutes later… probably just nipped to the shops. Why are rats on our minds? Well obviously we don't want to get nipped by one - brrrrr…. think of the germy-jims that would entail, but as we walked home along the river front the other night a woman pulled up in front of a restaurant on her scooter and something rolled off the roof, glanced off her helmet and landed on the ground. Coconut? Nope. Other bit of fruit? Nope? Large leaf with fur and beady eyes, sharp teeth and a long tail… Now you're getting there! A freakin' rat that didn't want to make the entire jump unassisted had taken the opportunity to go via the human, then hit the ground and scuttled off into the shadows. The woman in question was unaware of what had bumped off her head and was looking around the scooter and the ground. Rattus-Scary-F**kerus was long gone by this point. So obviously we spend our entire time with heads on swivels as even walking down the river road and path is fraught with danger - and now flying rats. And the path has fallen into disrepair since our last visit with various sinkholes and obstacles to navigate. And scooters. And cars.

In other news… we were innocently walking home on Sunday night a week ago and a very barky dog ran out a gate, jumped up my thigh and bit me. Peeved does not begin to cover it. Talk about finding out the hard way that rabies is endemic in Vietnam. We were both preventatively vaxxed but that was 11 years ago. The hotel was incredibly helpful and the following morning we went for an excursion to the local vaccination hub to start a 5 shot regime. Heave, sigh, mutter. Had a tetanus a year or two back so good on that. I've had 3 shots here (over 8 days) and will need to get the final 2 shots in Porto, Portugal. Unimpressed. In fact felt utterly exhausted, fatigued, sleepy and ill for the entire week - though only vomited once. Small mercies. The third shot was the charm however and after a couple of hours snoozing, came out of it well.

It was actually a week to the day before I could be bothered leaving the hotel for anything other than a small evening meal, so on Sunday it wasn't raining and I felt good so we jumped in a car and went for an adventure to Cua Dai beach. It was a stunning day and we enjoyed a long walk on the beach, in utter peace and quiet - actually the first time we've experienced peace and silence since we've been in Vietnam - so almost 7 weeks of non-stop noise. Did my mental state the world of good. Then we went back to the entry point to the beach and were surprised to see a small herd of water buffalo were on the beach for the fresh air and sunshine. Yup. The sights you see. We had a smoothie at one of the local restaurants and enjoyed letting their fans to cool us down and then called a car and cruised back to the hotel.

The rainy season has a couple of days off here and there but as our time in Hoi An draws to a close it seems to be ramping up again. We tried for a change of scenery last night and visited a new restaurant on the river and of course the one night we wanted to go, it was closed. We did however continue on to the tented Thai joint and then on into town without getting drenched. It was a good night for a stroll and with all the rain the river had actually broken its banks and encroached on the front street - amazing to see boats and market stalls seemingly bunted up together. We'd had such a pleasant evening and a stroll with a rum and raisin gelato in a waffle cone we decided not to risk the river walk home as being drenched by some local hood on a scooter was almost guaranteed. Whistled up a car and tootled home in air conditioned comfort for about A$2. Bliss

In news from the front, the wet season is well and truly back in force. As our time in Hoi An (finally) drew to a close, we did make it to the vegetarian restaurant on the river front. Though we now call it the not-the-restaurant as it's more or less up someone's front stairs and they only have 2 tables - one on the balcony and one in their living room… could seat 8 at a pinch. So very exclusive then. Food was fine and as with most small restaurants, they can afford to have a reasonably sized menu of food and juices - as they just jump on a scooter and go to the market to buy whatever they need to make your order. Certainly cuts down on food waste - but the good ship HMS Waste (plastic waste, rubbish, etc) sailed long ago in Vietnam and is on an on-going, never ending voyage. Makes any small endeavours western countries make towards reduce/reuse/recycle seem like bailing the ocean with a (small) bucket. Funnily enough, though it was fine when we walked to the not-the-restaurant, the river broke it's banks while we were having dinner and there was a foot of river water to stroll through when we left. The tip off should have been the movement in the balcony hedge which turned out to be a good sized rat with sharp teeth and beady eyes - getting away from the rising water. Packing is also upon us, though we are more or less 90% still packed since we flew here from Saigon, and we have 'the extra bag' to sling last minute stuff into.

Our last night in Hoi An we decided to walk along the river, via the tented Thai joint for final DIY rum and mango smoothie cocktails, final Pad Thai and Pad See Ew and a final jaunt around town as it seems highly unlikely we'll be back this way. So we got a certain distance along the walkway and the river walk was up in flood - well over it's banks again. So we detoured out to the street and continued along until we would have been in line with the Thai joint. Puttered through a side alley and unfortunately the river had completely flooded the area where the joint usually is. Ahhh well. One of those nights. We schlepped through the mud, back to the street, got filthy with having to walk on the street in many places as the footpaths were covered in scooters and into town proper to An Hy Vegetarian - thankfully open and serving, for our last Hoi An supper. Bit of a walk, lots of spots flooded and finally caught a car home - patience with mud, floods, scooters, incessant horn honking and a threatening monsoonal downpour were at an all time low. Home, clothes ready for the morning, bit muddy around the trouser legs, but these are the ones that were ripped open by the dog, have multiple mends and are on the verge of falling off - they only have to survive 3 days in Hanoi and along with a pair of James's pants, 2 pairs of Birkenstocks and a shirt, will be piled into the hotel rubbish bin before we finally depart. They will have literally worn out and fallen off - which is our our tiny and seemingly pointless contribution to avoiding waste. Sleep tight tonight - don't let the Rattus-b**tards bite - or the dogs for that matter. We're off to Hanoi tomorrow.