It just keeps getting better - the place names just roll out - Tanzania, Kenya, Nairobi, Masai Mari - and all in the one sentence too - Colonel Blashford Snell would be proud of you! Jimbo - the yanks are are taking bookings for the moon - no kidding - you better get in there quickly.And what about Leanne - Toronto,Washington, New York - nae bother? MC - how are you going to pass the time until you go to Ceylon (sorry my atlas is a bit old) ? Have YOU LOT got secret jobs with the United Nations or are drug running for some drugs baron in Gathamlock?

Now we know u might be coming, we've all decided to hide, so u won't see us anyway.

Jimbo says..."in dar es salam in tanzania just now- we're heading over to zanzibar later today for a few days - which should be pretty cool. after that we go to ngoro ngoro crater and the serengeti - then onto kenya. therefore i'm unlikely be in contact from now onwards. i get to nairobi on the 20th - got a day there and then going on a 3 day masai mara trip. ive still not made a definite decision on the extra 2 weeks to go n see the gorrilas...i'll find out in the next couple of days, so [at the moment] it's likely that ill be keeping my flights for the 25th to come back. i'll let u know when i get to nairobi"

Don't worry, Uncle, they can send you to a raisin ranch in Florida for half the price! I can see it now-- you'd be in a Parrothead hat chillin in front of a hurricane-battered caravan with a few lawn flamingos.

My ma tipped me off that you were looking for me Leanne, I'm replying to your email now!

Hello - its me again - Ive been let out of the old folks home, the dribbles have been wiped and I now taking the pills. Well - the duchess and I had such a wonderful holiday in Donegal. We DIDNT bungee jump, skydive, mix with elephants, take lions for a walk, eat croc, sleep rough in Inishbofin and spend 5000 euro. What is it with all you Bonner bread snappers? You all want to trek the world. Go and get a bloody job. A good spell in the Army would sort you all out. You are nothing but a bunch of skivvers - and you are spending the money that you should me saving so that your Mother and I are kept in 5 star retirement homes in the near future.

Suzanne I have tried to contact you on your numerous email addys, both of which politely told me to bu**** off. So, this leads me to posting a rather boring message on this board in the hope that you look at it sometime soon. My friend Liam and I are heading to the States in a week's time and we will be in your area of DC on the 15th - 18th of Aug. If you can meet, or more importantly want to meet, I'd love to see some cool places. i.e. the best places to enjoy a beer and find some cute american boys.. oh wait , did i just say that??? My funds are now severely limited now that that bas**** of a brother of mine borrowed a grand from me. But, little does he kno that I'm charging an as of yet undisclosed rate of interest.. the boring old accountant lea x

Jimbo has been in touch via carrier pigeon again. He's unable to log in to this website at the moment as the Zimbabwe-ian internet connection is mega-slow. He are his latest musings: "at victoria falls in zimbabwe just now. They are really spectacular- also did a lion walk yesterday, where we went on a walk for a hour with 2 half-wild 18 month-old lion cubs. It was really good - but a bit hairy at the time cos they are quite big at that stage and jump all over the place. Got to pat one though. Was also at the most amazing restaurant last night, with all this african dancing and drumming and stuff - you get a drum to play while you're eating, and some big drummer guy leads the beat. Also, the food was unbelievable - it had a buffet with all game meat - I ate ostrich, crocodile, impala (antelope), springbok, warthog (the most amazing meat ever- I'm addicted to warthog and just had about 2 full plates of only it, and some other things which run about here)."

Hi James,

you've travelled a fair distance since the last time I looked at the message board. I thought your mum had just sent you out to Asda to get a pint of milk and a brown loaf and now you're in Africa!I hope that you've been taking plenty photos of all the worderful Geographical landscapes on your travels. I'll be expecting a powerpoint presentation when you get back! Hehe. I'm just back from Vietnam. It's a fantastic country apart from the fact that the locals were calling me Helga because I was perceived as a giant! We travelled from Hanoi in the north, to Halong Bay to Hue to Hoi an to Saigon to Phan Thiet to Chan Thoi to the Mekong Delta in the south and then finished off the trip in the Banyan Tree hotel in Bangkok. Lots of funny stories to tell but maybe another time? Anyway, Paulo Duncanio and I are away to the Maldives tomorrow for our Wedding Anniversary. Remember that wonderful day two years ago? No Uncle James, not your 60th Birthday - our Weddinhg Day! Ah life is sweet. Paulo has purchased a snorkelling kit and has been modelling it around the flat. Don't think he's realised that he needs to 'just add water' to get the full effect.

Take Care Jimbo and enjoy the rest of your trip. Hopefully the Bank of Bonner will pay out and let you enjoy a few more sights.

Jimbo has just sent me an email which he said I can use to let "mum et al" know he's fine. Obviously he has granted me a certain degree of poetic licence to alter the odd word based on the fact his wordly travelling experience still hasn't improved his spelling. He's currently in northern Botswana, having been in Namibia for the last couple of weeks. He has "done several box ticking activities" - MC's Virtual PA Services reserves the right to disclose these only to the appropriate people at the appropriate level i.e. on the assumption that mum might not necessarily want to know about his skydiving from 10,000ft (OOOPS did I type that out loud?) He's also been sandboarding (snowboarding on sand dunes), has patted cheetahs, watched a real live lion hunt & kill its prey at 2am; been bushwalking amongst elephants, giraffes & baboons etc. Depending on money, he'd like to extend his trip by 2 weeks to go to Uganda; this has yet to be discussed with potential loan-granting parties i.e. Bank of Leanne or mum & dad. He will be in Victoria Falls on Friday, and then Livingstone in Zambia in 5 days' time, so I expect he'll update this board then. In the meantime, BEGONE evil tumbleweed...

***rolls through message board without stopping***

Since when did Mount Cook, New Zealand appear as a little red flashing dot on the south-most tip of South Africa?

Indeed, Paul, it is uncanny. They have the high end street like Buchanan-- only called The Embarcadero cuz it used to be Mexican-- then you go blocks south for La Mision, with cheap shoe stores [basically rubber anywhere leather should be on a shoe] and lighters shaped like the Golden Gate Bridge. Tried to snag you one, but all sold out.

M-C, I was working and completely useless during Live 8. They didn't cover the Philly concert enough here because Tom Cruise was running chat shows around like an asylum escapee. Sad cuz we're the ones that needed to hear right? DC and New York probably denied Geldof's crowd permit. They needed to be in Austin. deep in the heart of Texas and vehemently liberal! Who is this Italian Zucchero fellow? Duncanio, do you know?

Suz

PS- Just so you know Dubya looked like a dreadfully disinterested ass about London to us too today. Golly, he probably gave up his bike ride. Seems we don't know which country to be sorrier for, yours or ours.