On Friday I leave for Quito in Ecuador. And I am worried about the Penis Fish.

The Penis Fish first came to my attention in May on Platform 4 in Sepilok, surrounded by semi-wild Orang-Utans, whilst having a discussion with a Dutch volunteer, Eline. The conversation began with my imminent journey to South America and she proceeded to tell me a story about a guy bathing in the Amazon river who decided to take a pee. The conversation ended with me clutching my crotch and trembling in imagined pain.

The Candiru is a parasitic freshwater catfish native to the Amazon river. Candirus are small fish, with a peanut head and a belly that looks like it is falling off, especially after gorging on a bloody dinner. His body is translucent and slimy and because of this it is supposedly impossible to spot in the turbid waters of its home. Candiru has short sensory barbels around his head, together with short, backward pointing spines on his gill covers. He is no salmon.

The thing is, you see, that the Candiru fish likes to crawl up your penis. Yep, that's what he does. It is when peeing that you are at most danger. Stories abound of people, like the guy of whom Eline told me, bathing and urinating in the river - the Candiru swims up your urine stream into your urethra and embeds its fin-like spikes into your penis and grows inside you towards your insides. It is impossible to remove the Candiru from the penis or bladder without surgery. Usually it lodges itself in the gills of larger fish and sucks their blood to live. I do not want my penis to be mistaken for a 'larger fish'. I do not want to undergo penile surgery in Latin America.

Despite reading about Candiru and the many other dangers that lie ahead - I think my cousin, Aisling thinks I am going to die from a combination of Rabies and Encephalitis (inflammation of the brain) - I am very excited about the adventure that awaits. More travelling. More volunteering. More self-degradation at the hands of developing world toilets. More vomit-inducing meals. More fascinating characters. More deserts, forests and beaches. Hopefully not more malaria.

I have been at home for the last few weeks. Warrenpoint is very different from Mamfe and Sepilok. I have managed to annoy my parents and talk bollox with my brothers. I was up in Mollyroe in Donegal (still my favourite place in the world). I had an unforgettable fountain experience in Bristol. I hung out with my cousin in Dublin for a few days. I visited the beautiful coastline of Cornwall. I had pints with friends from my DE, CFR and St. Peter's days. And I watched every single game in the World Cup.

Not to mention watching Down in Newry against Longford and in Cavan against Sligo. And then there was Croke Park against the Kingdom. The question is of course, where the hell am I going to watch the Red and Black beat Kildare at the end of August?