After a successful trip to the rice terraces we were looking forward to our trip on the bamboo raft. We thought we'd booked an hour and half raft ride down the river Li from Yangdi to Xingping and would be getting dropped off in Yangshuo. This would mean an hours bus journey either side of the rafting, this is most definitely not what we got and has to go down on record as one of the most surreal trips we've ever been on, so much so we've dedicated a whole blog to it.

Part 1: Tour guide selling on the bus
We were picked up at 7.30am and it soon became clear that our guide didn't speak a word of English. She spoke on the microphone for about 45 minutes and then out came the perfume and yet again they were all buying it!

Part 2: The big presentation
We were all dropped off in front of what looked like a block of holiday apartments and were given a lanyard with a number on and were herded into a room with rows of chairs facing a screen. We didn't have a clue what was going on. The next thing a girl is shouting at us all in Chinese on a microphone and then plays a video of pictures of jewellery. Clearly we've found ourselves on the dreaded Chinese hard shopping sell! The next thing a guy walks in and interrupts, it looks really staged, they have a conversation and he leaves and then 5 minutes later he returns with another man and everyone starts cheering and clapping. Now we're not sure what that was all about but we reckon guy 1 was saying "as a special treat just for you, our master jeweller might pop in and see you" so guy 2 was the jeweller who then proceeded to do his speech!

We were in there about 30 minutes sat on the back row giggling like naughty school kids, at one point I got the Pringles out and we had a snack!

Part 3: Locked in a room
After the presentation we were taken into an adjoining room where all the jewellery was and the speeches continued. I cased the room and realised we were locked in. I started a half dance half shuffle to the door, Casson did a moonwalk and when we got there we both stopped. Freedom was so close and yet so far. Dare we unlock the door and leave? Well Casson wimped out but I went for it, I unlocked it and escaped into the sunshine with Casson hot on my heels leaving the Chinese shoppers chanting, cheering and clapping at the salesman!

Part 4: Adopted by a family
After about 10 minutes of being outside a Chinese family also came out. The dad didn't speak a word of English but he really wanted to talk to us so his daughter translated for him and do you know what he said? "You're really cool" to bloody Casson. I'm convinced it was because we escaped and didn't conform which therefore means I'm the cool one not Casson!

This family were so nice, they looked after us the whole trip and made sure we understood what was going on and waited for us so we didn't get lost. The daughter didn't speak a lot of English but enough for us to get by.

Part 5: The cave
After the surreal shopping experience we found ourselves at a cave, we didn't know we were going to one but we just went with it. Once inside our guide was screaming into her microphone in Chinese, the reason for this? There was about another 5 guides in the same place also using microphones, you couldn't even hear yourself think. If that wasn't bad enough we were herded through, no one was interested in the cave (which looked like father Christmas had thrown up in there with all the neon lighting) they just wanted their pictures taken by the cave photographer in specific spots. The photographer's also had microphones. We made our way out but had to go through about 5 shops selling complete tat before reaching the exit. We both thought we'd been tripping out by this point.

Part 6: Buddha and big banyan tree
We were convinced we would be going to the bamboo raft next but we didn't we went to a temple with some Buddha's in and then to see a 1000 year old banyan tree

Part 7: Lunch or lack of
Surely now we'd be going to the raft? Nope we were taken to a really expensive restaurant for lunch. We took one look at the menu and walked outside and sat in the sun for 45 minutes. Our friendly dad came to find us and was concerned that a) we'd not eaten and b) we were sat in the sun so he insisted we come and sit inside. By now we were starving as we'd had half a banana and about 6 pringles each all day. Maybe we'd been hallucinating from the hunger and none of this was real

Part 8: Cormorant corner
Finally we arrived at the bamboo rafts which was complete chaos. Women were shouting and screaming, our adoptive dad was shouting, we think he was saying we had to stay with them but they ended up splitting us up but an older couple then adopted us. We finally got on the raft .... and relax!

Not! There were so many rafts on the water and they were really noisy. We went 15-20 minutes up the river and pulled into an area where we were penned in with fencing and our only means of escape was to either steal a raft or swim across the river! In this area they had horses that you could have your picture taken with, women in national dress and the piece de resistance a bamboo pole with 2 massive Cormorant birds tied to it with their beaks taped shut. I turned my back for a second and they almost had the pole across by back but Casson shouted a warning and I managed to dodge it. After being subjected to this for about 10 minutes we got back on our raft and went back the way we came. We'd been cheated! Call yourself a bamboo raft tour! What makes it even funnier is that the Chinese seemed to love the whole day!

Eventually we reached our destinations in Yangshuo.

General points
1) We've realised that Google translate is useless and we think it's because some English words just don't translate properly into Chinese and vice versa. You end up with sentences that make little or no sense

2) People wear dresses and t shirts with sentences on that make no sense and we think it's because of point 1. It's turned into a competition of who can spot the most random sentence, here are our favourites so far:

"Give me shoulders, give me attitude"

"My week
End Neve
R ends"

"Offender after dark" modelled by a small child

"Pleasant expression and maintenance"

"Be weird, become a witch, stay crazy, don't give a f&&k"

3) There are a lot of rude people out here but we've worked out that these are more often than not the people who work in shops etc. Those who are on tours or are on holiday are so friendly