Here is an excerpt from an email I sent to my uncle. Names have been changed.

"When I was in Nottingham, and we were at the pub quiz, you refused my £10, saying I should buy something for an African child instead. Easier said than done, apparently!
There is a general vague rule at the Lodge that you shouldn't give the children presents, as it's unfair to give presents to some and not to others. Often people have different favourites, but there are always some who everyone loves and a few who no one even knows, so it's a fair rule. I was wondering how best to use the money you'd trusted me with, what was the fairest way for it to be used, and one day what I thought was the answer came, in the form of Joseph.
Joseph is a 13 year old boy who lives near the Lodge and is in P5 in our school. He lives with his mum, 3 of his sisters and his Downs baby nephew. His oldest sister works at the Lodge, and therefore can't be a help at home. His other sisters also go to school, and help when they can, but are often busy trying to get an education. No one knows where or who his dad is, and his mum is very ill. Dear Marion, always smiling, always welcoming, but far too skinny. She will peel cassava or shell beans, but when it comes to cooking or cleaning, she is too weak. That means that Joseph is the man of the house, and responsible for making sure his mother is ok and his family are fed. He does meal nights, where the volunteers pay to eat a good meal with him, and he provides endless entertainment- a scarily good imitator and fantastic dancer. They are always very enjoyable evenings, and although you can share a meal with local families any time you want for free, you don't mind paying, because you know it's going towards Marion's medical treatment. Jose[h was one of those kids that everyone knows and loves.
Jospeh struggles at school. He's actually fairly intelligent, and has very good English, due to his constant interaction with volunteers. As the official language of Uganda is English, it should make exams easy for him, but he tends to panic, over think things and put the wrong answers even when he knows the right one. It means there is not much hope for him getting past primary school, never mind uni or a decent job. Luckily he is a good business man, and that might be his saving grace.
Obviously, we want to encourage him to do as well as he can at school, because a business man needs to be able to do basic maths and not buckle under pressure. It was getting to the stage where he was missing school, because he had to cook or walk to the nearest hospital (a few miles away) for his mum's medication. He took me to the side one day and explained his situation and asked me whether I could buy him a bike, so he could get to the hospital and back home much quicker, so he wouldn't have to miss school. Joseph has received many gifts from volunteers, as well as his meal evenings, so I explained to him that it would be unfair on the others if I bought him and bike and no one else. He left with his head down, but I spoke to Lex, the coordinator at the Lodge, and together we spoke to the volunteers who were there at the time. I personally felt that there were probably many other children who needed that bike just as much as Joseph did, and maybe it wasn't fair to give it to him, but Lex felt very strongly that if that would keep Joseph in school and Marion healthy, then it was a good thing. That was the general group consensus, so I found Joseph and told him I'd give him your money for his bike, on the condition that this was the last time. Next time he wanted something, he wouldn't get it. It was the bike, or save the money for a crisis later. He chose the bike.
He never said thank you. I told him that it was money from my uncle, and I wanted him to show me the bike when he'd bought it, so I could get a picture of it for you. He didn't. I had to go find him to get the picture (which I'll send to you when I can fix my camera). Immediately I regretted it. I guess I should've gone with my initial instinct that it wasn't the right thing, but it was too late, so I wanted to at least make sure Joseph appreciated it. I wanted to send you a photo with an inspirational story about how, together, we'd changed a life, but I'm afraid, despite all my efforts right until the very end, I can't give you that story. Joseph has turned into a bit of a spoiled brat. I don't mean to be harsh, but I don't recognise the boy I knew when I met him. The cheerful playful boy who wanted to be everyone's friend simply for the joy of having many friends. The boy who, when given a speaker for his much loved music, ran to find his sister, face glowing with the most beautiful smile, who kept giving everyone hugs he was so happy. The boy who'd entertain you at all times, because that was part of his beautiful character.
The day after I gave Joseph the money for his bike, and we'd had the conversation about not receiving more money, he asked Lex for 500 Ush (about 12p) for a chapati. Lex said no, as per the agreement, and so Joseph didn't speak to her for about 4 days, as Lex didn't give him the money for a chapati he "needed". Greg is a volunteer who was at the Lodge in the summer, and one of Joseph's best friends. They spent many many hours together and got on very well. Greg was very excited to see him again. Within the first minute of their reunion, Joseph asked him for money. To fix his bike tire. Since receiving his bike, I've not experienced Joseph having a single conversation with a volunteer without asking for money. The brilliant entertainer won't entertain without being paid. Joseph has lost his spark, he's turned into a money making machine and it scares me a bit to see how one boy can change in such a short space of time. I don't think by any means that it was the bike that did it, just a collaboration of all the spoiling that'd gone on in the last half year. I also don't know whether it comes directly from him, or whether he has pressure from his family to ask. I know he is just a 13 year old boy, doing what he can to look after his family, but either way, I found it very sad and is one of the few things I regret in my life. After about a month of him practically ignoring me, and certainly never saying thank you, I got fed up. I spoke to him and told him that I want him to write you a letter to say thank you, but every time I went to see him to get it, he wasn't there. On my last day, I went to visit his mum (and their neighbours) and on the way, I saw him. He quickly disappeared, and I was fully prepared to get nothing from him. When I arrived at his house, he was sitting in his yard drawing a picture of his bike. I was so happy and so relieved that dear Joseph was saying thank you after all. He gave me the picture with an envelope, and I said a big thank you to him for doing that and left, smiling. Later that night I read the letter and it went something like this: "Dear ______. My name is Joseph and I live in Ruhanga, Uganda. Thank you for the bike. But my mother is very ill, and we don't have enough money for her medication. If you could send me money for her medication it would make me even happier than the bike. Thank you, Joseph" (Although slightly longer, that was the general gist). I threw the letter away, it made me so disappointed, and I didn't have any time left to make him write a nice one. So, that's it. In our attempt to help, we did the opposite, but so you learn. I experienced this clear connection between spoiling and a negative change of character a lot in the time I was there, but not quite to Joseph's extent. I believe now the present giving rules are much stronger, because it is simply not beneficial. All we are doing is teaching the children to rely on Mzungus.
I'm sorry I have to write this email, I wish it could be more positive, but the picture of the bike is nice, and I'll send that to you as soon as I can find a post office. For me, it's the one positive part of the story. I didn't ask him to draw a picture, but he did it anyway. It gives me hope that the Joseph I knew is still in there somewhere.
To end this email, I just want to tell you a nice story: Phionah, also 13, is the woman of the house, because her brother studies in Kampala and her parents died of AIDS when she was 3. She looks after her grandparents and completely independently does all the chores. I got very close to her, visiting her regularly, helping her with her chores whenever I could. She never once asked me for anything. She wants to be a lawyer, and was overjoyed when I introduced her to Nick, a lawyer from London, who was at the Lodge for 2 weeks. Phionah goes to the local secondary school, so isn't known by most of the volunteers, and was very thankful of the visitors I introduced her to. Nick gave her a lesson in the law and then agreed to pay her school fees, as her grandfather's income from the plantations could only fund her brother's education and his own operations for his stomach disease. Phionah had to leave school because they couldn't afford it. She was so unbelievably happy, so thankful, so modest, thanking Nick for the money, me for introducing her to Nick, Alice for introducing me to her. That was months before I left, and she never asked for anything again, just grateful for her lucky stars. Working without complaining every day, smiling at the thought of continuing her education.
And with that, I will end this email. I'm sorry it's not what I wanted to be writing, but I guess it also shows you the other side of the "good" we try to do, and warns us we shouldn't try to interfere too much. Ruhanga runs very well as a community. They have struggles, of course, but everywhere has struggles, and personally I believe their struggles are easier than those of the majority of Britons. Sometimes we should just let things be.
And so, thank you, for giving Joseph a bike, which does genuinely make his and his family's life easier, maybe it will be the difference to his education and ability to continue providing for his family. And thank you for teaching me a valuable lesson too."