Ash again. f*** me, Lima is a complete s***hole. I mean, if s*** were a currency, Lima would be the world bank. No, thats too kind, s*** has this sort of natural place in the world and though it smells it's sort of necessary. Lima, on the other hand, isn't. It has zero redeeming qualities. Really. No really, don't ever come here, not even if your favourite sexy movie star offered to fellate you for three months straight. So anyway, as Mandy said we have 11 hours here waiting for a transfer so we decided to give Lima a chance to show us just how great the capital of Peru can be. Well. A dangerous taxi ride into the city center (whereby cars randomly cross from all directions at all times, where lights have no meaning, and where pedestrian crossings are simply opportunities to run people over) was relatively eventful, filled with people selling products directly to cars while they waited in traffic. These included the essential every driver or tourist needs while travelling this great city -- cotton buds! Rulers! And f***ing digital clocks. Honestly. Yes I'm hot in a hot country in a hot car, hey, GIVE ME A RULER! THANKS MY LIFE IS COMPLETE NOW. Anyway, we decided to grab some food and maybe check out a museum or two. In this buslting, central hub of Peruvian opulence we discovered that the very best restuarants are those that only have sixteen layers of grime and s*** on the walls, seats, and food. The places less appealing than this have twenty times the amount. In fact, the entire city is dusty, dirty, full of holes, peeling paint, polluted air, all with doors, windows, and walls falling apart. I did not see, in four hours of traveling, a single clean square centimeter of Peruvian cityscape. But who cares? I mean, at least the locals aren't dragging you off and mugging you -- though they all look at you this way. The girls got crude looks, but evern as a man travelling the streets during mid day I felt un-safe, even in the heart and business district of the city. So anyway, determined to find some value to Lima we checked out the Inquisition museum. It's nice that it's free, but the woman who took us around shwoed all the enthusiasm of someone who has been forced to watch Neighbours for three weeks without a break. As Amanda detailed, it was a boring tour devoid of any real information and delivered in such a way that you almost wanted to apologise for turning up and wanting to have a look. But wait, it gets better! We decided, after all the walking around and coughing due to pollution that we'd take our chances at the airport and just get tanked at a bar. So, leaving the museum we were greeted by toothless vendors trying to sell us kids cartoon books and, somewhat to our surprise even for Lima, a young schoolgirl taking a dump in the middle of the street while cars and people passed by seemingly oblivious to the plublic display of defecation. Well, thanks Lima! If s*** could have parents, Lima would be its two dads. Seriously, don't ever come here. We were told that Lima was a s***hole, and we jovialy said to ourselves 'oh there must be something good in this city!' No, really, don't ignore this advice. There really is a reason people say not to come here. It's a schoolgirl taking a dump in the street. I can't think of an appropriate picture for this entry, so I selected Sockey getting sodomised by a banana. Just the idea of this is more appealing than one more second in this dump. Have fun! Ash