Krabi is gorgeous! I have rediscovered Vietnam's Halong Bay! But this is actually much better! Same karst cliffs, less - much less - tourists, and you can actually get a motorbike and whizz through them! I don't know why everyone is so ecstatic about Halong Bay when it is so overhyped!

The night I arrive I look a bit around, see about the activities, tours on offer, and to my delight discover the local night market for some very cheap food. I've never had a whole meal, plus drink for a mere 38 baht before. And it even tasted good! The next morning - Thursday - I get back into the usual drill. Rent a motorbike, and change into cheaper accommodation.

Hop onto the bike like a pro, fill up the tank like a pro and head out towards Tiger Cave Temple like a pro. Then I obviously get lost like a pro, but that's beside the point. The important part is that I find the temple. At least I think I found it. At the foot of the karst cliffs is a big stupa under construction; I sneak in and climb to the top for some nice pictures of the surrounding area. Oh; and it's a gorgeous day! Sun's out, it's incredibly hot and the skies are blue like steel. Yes!

Apparently this temple is special because several caves scattered around at the base of the cliffs are filled with human bones - to remind us of our mortality! The temple has several sculptures and paintings of human skeletons, guts, serving the same purpose. Of course I have to see this macabre display. I walk around, looking for the cave/temple; And behold, there is a big sign saying "To caves". I walk up some stairs, then down and find myself on a winding path under the canopy of a dense jungle. The signs keep pointing the way "caves", "1000 year tree", etc. I walk, and walk, and walk, sweating a bit even despite the shade, happen on cave upon cave, yet no bones. The signs keep saying "caves" though. There must be more, so I continue. The path turns and turns, and after a good half-hour journey I find myself back on the same path I started from, a big happy blue sign proclaiming "To caves". Well, f*** you!

This might have been the wrong cave though as according to the guide book there were supposed to be monkeys as well on the stairs. Determined to do better this time I ask for the human-bone cave and monkey-stairs and am pointed to a staircase not far from the one I have taken. This one is full of monkeys. Much better! Several sweaty, zombified American tourists are coming down, confirming that this is the right direction. So I start the ascent. And I go up, and up, and up, the stairs at points having at least a 60-70 degrees inclination. I am not cut out for this! Especially without a proper breakfast which I wanted to have after visiting the temple. Out of breath, having to stop several times, the world going black I wheeze like some old fat fart. After a while I see some Thai sign saying "blah, blah 500, blah blah", which apparently means there are 500 more steps according to some local who was also dead there at that moment. Great! Well, I've come at least a few hundred already, so no point in turning back now. Just a shame, thinking to myself, that the very interesting golden wat at the top of one of the cliffs will be missed out today. I am definitely not climbing any more stairs after this one. but what great view one must have from there!

I climb, and climb, and climb - why do I keep doing these stupid things to tire myself? - and after a while I notice there are numbers on the guardrail running alongside the stairs. Ah, the pillars show how many stairs one has tackled so far. I am totally dead by now, stairs are somewhere around the 800s, so I should be close. I've surely climbed 500 stairs since the sign! But there is still no end in sight. The sun I've blessed not so long ago has quickly turned into a curse. It's heat is relentless, I am dead-tired, the world spins slightly and every time I stop, things go black for a few seconds. And of course I have no water, no annoying vendors wanting to sell me their snacks which I would most happily buy now. f***ing hell! There should be a damn sign at the bottom warning people of this climb. f***!

Around step 950 there is finally some hope as a sign says "the temple is on holy grounds, please dress appropriately" and "there are no washing facilities at the top, please relieve yourself here". I must be close! I put my shirt back on and after a few minutes' break continue the ascent. Up. And up, and up, and up. A jó büdös életbe, még mindig nincsen vége ennek a marhaságnak! Step 1000, 1050, 1100, 1150. Nothing. 1200, 1250. Still nothing. And then finally! At 1300 I can see the top! 1327 Godforsaken rohadt stairs. And no cave, no bones. Nothing. Hogy a jó....!

Yes, I have made it to the top of the golden temple at the very top of the karst cliff I saw and photographed so enthusiastically from the bottom. Should've known. The view is gorgeous. The sun is blinding, a calming light breeze cools off my overheated body and there is free, chilled water! Buddha? What Buddha? Who cares about any Buddha? Water!! To the south one can see Krabi, the sea; turning around there is Halong Bay on land. Gorgeous! I look around a bit more, gather my strength and clamber down the steep stairs. It goes much much faster the way down...

The next interesting sight in the area should be the "Sea Shell Cemetery", gigantic stone plates of fossilized shells. But before I go there I have some food and find out what the "waterfall, 20km" signs actually mean. If it's signposted from so far away it' has to be good, no? I speed along the deserted roads, swirling around the odd dog, goat, cow and slower traffic. When I finally arrive it turns out to my utmost disappointment that the cascades are inside a national park, including entree fee. Well, I made it so far, no point turning back. In, park motor, walk to waterfalls, look at it for ten minutes, walk back, hop on motorbike and leave. Yaay, a perfect way to spend money!? :s Not that the falls weren't nice, but I've seen so many that it should be f***ing Niagara Falls to elicit some "wow" reaction. No worries, the fossil deposit next should be great! Unique of its kind in the world.

I ride back into Krabi, then north-west towards Ao Nang. The winding three-lane road goes around the stunning karst cliffs looming above. So amazing! Halong Bay is nothing compared to this. I expertly get lost a few times as just when it is most important the signs are forgotten, the weather turns dark, but I finally make it. It is around five in the evening by now, the park is officially open till 16:30. But the gates are still open so I ride in, park the bike. Rush into the visitors centre, grab some leaflet and head out towards the beach to enjoy the beautiful sights. A small hut with a sign saying "entrance fee: 200B" has nobody inside, so I slip past it without paying. And my god, would I have been pissed tremendously if I would've had to pay for this crap! Imagine a coastline made up of black, completely flat, stone. Shells, what shells? There is nothing to see, just perfectly flat, almost polished, rocks. Several small pieces on display showcase the shell cemetery as you should see it, but there is nothing. Just not to be a complete idiot I walk around, almost fall a few times on the slippery, wet rocks, but nothing. There are a few small pieces where one can see shell remains embedded, but that's it. I can't believe how one can build a national park around this nothing. And, mind you, I was at the right place as a few busloads of tourists arrived after me, walking around on the same featureless rock as me, looking their eyes out. I'm just glad I didn't pay a penny for this.