"It's easy," Malcolm says, glancing over his shoulder, "just look at the weather outside. Why would I want to go back to Scotland?"

Expending vast amounts we have opted to stay at the posh Al Qasr Jumeriah. Everybody says hello to you, even the security guard on every floor. The downside is that we can only afford to travel cattle class on Emirates. Not to worry, with 16 restaurants to choose from, a fantastic beach (hot sea) and pool (cooled), transport between the different parts of the complex by abras (little boats)......we're happy to squeeze into any plane. Las Vegas you might have been first but there's competition out here!

Mind you, don't expect to have your car parked, have the door opened, shown to your seat, served drinks and food by an Arab. Only 1 in 5 people who live in the United Arab Emirates can actually claim to be from here. The rest are from Asia and other expats.