Well here I am in sunny Orccha, chugging down the electrolytes after more than a week of Delhi belly. Having the runs in a country where you are expected to clean your ass with your hand and a bucket of water isn't exactly my idea of fun. But Ganesha and friends be praised, they sell toilet paper in this town! Never in my life have I been so unabashedly overjoyed at the sight of a roll of toilet paper. I now take it with me everywhere and clutch it to my breast at night.

Orccha has to be my favourite place so far. It's the only place I've been to that I'd be happy to stay a week. There're more crumbling forts, temples, and ruins here than you could poke a stick at, and a river that is --- wait for it --- actually blue! There are all these great little rooftop restaurants and cafes with views of the dusky forts that are great to chill out in. Lots of people rent a bicycle for the day and amble around the ruins that are dotted all over the countryside. (Just gotta keep an eye out for them monkeys. Scary f***ers.) I can honestly say that it's actually a nice place, which is about a big a compliment as I can give for any of the places I've been so far.

Between Orccha and my last entry I've been sick as a dog, to the point where I was seriously considering coming home early (being alone and bedridden in the middle of nowhere is no fun). Maybe it was all the s*** and grub in Varanasi that did it, who knows. I've had food poisoning from the most random things: banana pancakes and a bottle of coke (a bottle of f***ing coke!!), and it just followed me on from Varanasi to Khajuraho.

Khajuaho is a special place. This is a place where they invented porn before the internet. And let's just say that they treat their animals in "interesting" ways. The town itself has nothing to offer but the Kama Sutra temples themselves are amazing, and so well preserved. Not even the marauding Muslims could bring themselves to deface depictions of horse orgies and sexual positions that almost defy physics. One of the guides (at least I think he was a guide, or maybe just some really horny Indian dude who likes to hang around the temples) was trying to explain to me some of the carved scenes, and I THINK he said he had sex with a monkey. That is the kind of place Khajuraho is.

From Khajuraho I had one of the most uncomfortable bus rides of my life to Orccha, but thankfully managed to keep the contents of my stomach within my stomach, which is more than I can say for the poor Spaniard sitting next to me. Poor f***er chucked up all over the bus door and the unimpressed Indian man sitting next to it. Fun times.

Tomorrow I take the train to Delhi and then it's on to the deserts of Rajasthan. Until then, Namaste!