Well, I had written about the end of my time at the academy, but for some reason I cannot access it! Doh. But it went something along the lines of the following:
We eventually finished staff form despite the dodgy right knee and Martin and I graded on the brand new stage, Martin being the first ever person, and I the second. It wasn't my best performance, but I was just pleased to have finished and to be able to grade! A few days beforehand, Master Wei came up to me and asked if I would like to learn some dao (broadsword) before leaving. I was ecstatic. Yes,yes, yes! I was literally going to have about 4 hours worth of training on it, so not long enough to learn a great deal, but at least he was able to show me the basic flowers, how to make that big loud "kerchiiiiing" sound, and a few swish-like moves! I was very happy!
I also managed to grade my 24-step Taichi before leaving and the 2-person form that Cat and I had done for the temple opening. Except this time she had secretly been teaching me the second part, so we surprised our master come the day of the grading and did the whole thing. We think he was impressed...tho he is not famed for saying all that much. He did say that he liked our energy. And that was good enough for me!
Am sure lots of things happened before I actually left, but sadly I haven't got my diary to hand, so cannot tell of them all (thank you! I hear you cry! Cos this is already going to be epic). However, there was one really amusing and strange Sunday afternoon, which I spent with Euan and Evan. We decided to go horse-riding on "horse island" in Muping. It was Euan's idea, and he was really excited about it. I said that I would go along, but pre-stated that I would only partake if there were helmets available. When we got there, we found out that we would be riding in a proper stadium...albeit an old, crusty, worn-down-about-to-collapse kind of stadium, with a random rusty helicopter in the middle of the track. As we walked through onto the ground, I had a sudden panic that they were going to make us race each other! (This was not the case). It was hilarious tho, cos Euan was the one who really wanted to do it. He's quite a..er...how do I say?...big and strong Scottish bloke. The man in charge took one look at him as we were walking towards him and immediately made a gesture with his hands and body as if to say: "you are not riding. You are too fat". Very direct. Very cutting. But hilarious! Poor Euan.
As I had anticipated, helmets were not on offer, so I graciously stepped out, which left only Evan to have a go. He looked just like Woody out of Toy Story on his horse. They didn't have real saddles and they didn't adjust his stirrups, so he was galloping with his knees up to his ears and his arms flailing about himself, so as to stay on the horse. It was highly amusing to watch!
After we'd stopped laughing, we went outside the arena to the strangest "fayre" ever...run by about 3 old people who looked like they had been sat in the same spot for over 30 years, with not a customer in sight but us. It was super eerie! We played crazy golf on this course that was overgrown and looked like it was straight out of the 1950s (I was sure some ghost was going to come and eat us), and did various other eerie fayre-type games, just to keep these people in business. Then we went to a poshe restaurant with - yet again - no customers, but 100's of staff, where we perused the live seafood tanks and Euan ordered one giant prawn. Just one giant prawn. Yep. Just one. It was Y38 after all! (Which is more than any full dinner we might usually pay for). The staff had to keep checking if it was just the one prawn we wanted...
The free tea was nice though!
The week before leaving, I also went to Qingdao for the weekend with 6 other ppl. I had originally planned to make my way to HK via Qingdao, when Cat and Sarah popped up and suggested we make a weekend of it instead. So we did! We hired one of the younger, friendly (and super perverted...but in a harmless way) taxi drivers to come with us for the whole weekend. I had a great time! Largely because of the company, and also because I had rediscovered beer....the 130+ day abstinence was over...and Qingdao is obviously the place where they brew China's most famous beer....You might recognise it in the UK as Tsingtao. Much of the weekend is hazy...but I know I laughed a lot and thoroughly enjoyed myself, particularly the dancing on Saturday evening. We did go see a temple too! (That's where I was when you rang, Jossey) and spent time in parks...so it was slightly cultural ;) Pictures are up on this site.
I spent a very nice last evening at the academy and was super sad when it came to leaving. My room-mate had left 2 days prior to me, and I had, naturally, cried like a small child so was pretty emotional. It is so weird when you spend so much time with someone in such an intense environment, and then suddenly they are no longer there. Hard to explain, but I imagine it's like having a twin that disappears one day. Plain strange, and I didn't like it one bit! When it came to me leaving, I was pleasantly surprised to see that quite a number of people had woken up in time to see Martin and me off...which was very heartwarming considering that most of them had been out until the very early hours of the morning and were probably feeling a bit ropey. I even got a HUG from my master! I am still very pleased about this ;) Can you tell?
I really miss those guys though, and was longing for my hard bed and concrete floors for quite a while after I left. It's a very magical place, the Shan. It was an experience that I shall never, ever forget, and which I am very grateful to have had. (Sorry about the grammar in that!)
Maybe one day I shall return...who knows...?
The travel adventure begins:

Was super chuffed to make it to HK unscathed and super unstressed! Managed to check both sword and staff into the hold without many strange looks, and get meself to the train station and thru customs and into HK proper peasily. Found Claire easy too and was treated to a taste bud and visual-sensation overload on the first night: a CHEESE sandwich on WHITE NORMAL bread, with HOBNOBS, Gin and Tonic AND Veuve Cliquot, courtesy of some swedish lads. It was AMAZING. Tho I had (and still have) reverted to being like a 16 year old when it comes to alcohol consumption. L.i.g.h.t.w.e.i.g.h.t. Oh, and Claire and Frazer live in the loveliest apartment in Wan Chai. You may have seen the pics...it overlooks Happy Valley Racecourse and is on the 45th floor. Just sublime. I had such a good first night that I went to bed in my DOUBLE, SOFT bed and AIR-CONDITIONED room and fell asleep so fast that I awoke the next morning fully clothed. The hangover may have been proof that alcohol played a large role in the latter. But I was in heaven! During my week long stay in HK, I relaxed A LOT (my poor body was still hurting). But in between sleeping and catching up with the C21st, I managed to see a Kungfu demonstration, stroll around Kowloon and HK Island, see the Big Buddha on Lantau Island, and the Ngong Pin monastery, catch up with old friends Alice and Lois from School (and have a HOME-COOKED mummy dinner courtesy of her mummy), see the view from Vicky peak (the day it didn't rain), go to the midweek races...I LOVE HK.

I did, however, have to return to the mainland to commence my adventures...first stop was Yangshuo, in Guanxi province, and its beautiful Karst scenery. This involved my very first hard sleeper train ride, which turned out to be a very comfy experience! And once again not too difficult to do, even though it was 12.5 hours long(!)
Finding accomodation was not so easy, as I got sucked in to staying in a damp, mouldy, boring hostel with bed bugs to boot. But for less than 3GBP a night, I guess I couldn't argue. Yangshuo's surrounding area is very beautiful. I've never seen anything like it! Managed to go up and down he Li river in a bamboo construction, see some caves with their stallegtites and mites and swim in MUD (or 1000yr old bat poo), cycle like a demon on bikes with no breaks or gears, climb mini mountains and get conned into buying overpriced Sprite by superfit old ladies (on Moon hill), and see a fantastic light show on the river involving a cast of over 600 local people! Wow. Pics are already up...On one of the days, I got a bit lost on my bike, cos the river was o swollen due to all the RAIN, so I stopped and did a spot of Taichi nad Qigong...which was nice. And for once...there wasn't a soul around to gawp. :)


Next stop was the "funky riverside town" of Fenghuang, in Hunan province. Another long sleeper train and a really friendly English teacher called Rose who jumped at the chance to practice her English. Prior to this, I had managed to order me some yummy food in a restaurant in jishou and had a broken conversation with a man thanks to my Mandarin phrase book (thank you Edwards people...it's my bible!) and gesticulating wildly. The man with whom I was speaking subsequently invited me to drink a beer with him and then insisted on paying for my meal and walking me to my train. What a legend! Dont worry mum, I didnt drink too much and had my wits very much about me! ;) He said that we were now "Pengyou" (friends), and that I should call him if ever I had any difficulty. He als said I should stop by and see him in Wuhan (but I wasn't and am not going ther so...)
As I was trying to figure out how to get to Fenhuang from Jishou station the following morning, group of 3 women surrounded me (as they tend to do here) and tried to get me to demonstrate something with either my staff or dao. Naturally, I declined!


Fenhuang itself is beautiful...truly an oldy worldy wooden town on stilts. I saw some awesome architecture, traditional dress, flattened pigs' faces (!), gerbil-type creatures on sale in restaurants (eek) along with snakes, snails and eels. I managed to find a hostel right in the old town...but it was awfully damp, dirty, with no lock on the bedroom door and just generally not nice. Bu hao! And when I checked in, there was not a soul there, so was forced to spend my bday wandering the town by my lonesome. (Queue the violins). I was remembered by others though, and all the texts and Fbk messages helped to keep my spirits up. So thank you! It wasn't the best day however, and got worse when I tried to plan my exit from Fenghuang. Just when I had given up all hope and retired to the crummy hostel to be eaten alive by mozzies, I met Mon Ti and Emanuel, an Aussie and a Swede. Mon Ti and I decided to go to Hangzhou together the following day, and things immediately got better 1000-fold! Woohoo!


We had an adventure getting there...choice between spending the night in the gateway to hell itself (called Huaihua) for a night (honestly, it was the dirtiest place I have been and was filled to the brim with persistent beggars. I swear it had the highest ratio of handicapped people in the world...ever...fact) or paying nearly Y400 for a soft-sleeper 19hour+ journey to Hangzhou within the hour. Sold to the people with backpacks! I was VERY pleased to b with Mon Ti at this point. 1 for the company, and 2 for the fact he speaks Chinese. Scores!
The soft sleeper was luxurious...it had only 4 to a cabin (WITH a closing door) instead of 6. However, we shared with the most incnsiderate boy / man, who received phone calls at 3am and who insisted on smoking IN the closed cabin. Poooey! His old Granny was brilliant. All she did was laugh and smile...however, it wasn't until the morning that Mon Ti alerted me to the fact that she had brought a live-chicken on board. Poor thing, it must have been roasting! (Pics up). The dining cart was also like something straight out of 1950 communist China...see pics again.


Hangzhou was tres tres cool. We stayed in an ace hostel with really friendly people. And we were very active. We rented bikes for two days and put them through their paces! We took these red "town" bikes to out of town places; up mountains and down really rough forest paths. They made it through without a problem...though it was tough-going as they had only one gear each. Phewee! They were pretty dirty when we gave them back. Oops.
Whilst in town, we cycled round West Lake. Marco Polo apparently loved it...and I can understand his appreciation. We also visited pagodas, saw some awesome buddhist carvings (see pics) and stuff...and went to HOOTERS. Ha ha ha! It so happened that one of the guys from the academy was also in town, so a bunch of us went out for a drink or two, or maybe three... I had never visited a Hooters before and found the whole experience highly amusing. Particularly since it was a Sunday evening and we were practically the only people in the bar. ( The boys in the group really didnt mind this at all).
My favourite thing is that the slogans on the back of the girls' tops reads: "Delightfully tacky, yet unrefined". Hahaha! What??!?!
Oh, and the menu states quite clearly that Hooters is : "...soon to be relatively famous".
Aiming high there. Aiming high.
In between consuming quite a lot of beer, I also managed to get up early enough to join in with the oldies at Tai chi on the lake. I got a few stares the first day, but they were fairly encouraging. So on the last morning I decided to take my staff out to give them something to really gawp at. Hehe. I found it amusing anyway. Except that my level of fitness had declined so rapidly that I must have lost about a litre of bodily fluids in the form of sweat. Nice. I would like to think that the humidity of the morning had a lot to do with it...


After Hangzhou it was finally time to go to Anhui province. We used Tunxi as our base and stayed in yet another awesome hostel, right in the old town...which was beautiful. We went to 3 Unesco world heritage villages called: Hongcun, Nanping and Xidi. They were all stunning, with proper old skool architecture and layout and they remain unblemished...there is none of this "bathroom -tiling and neon lights addiction" that is happening in so many other Chinese towns. We had many adventures getting to them and getting around...once again I was mightily grateful to Mon Ti for his language skills! Who else should we bump into in the first village, than Emanuel, the Swede with whom Mon Ti had previously been travelling...small world!
We met a couple of guys at the hostel (who I'd seen in Hangzhou) who were planning to make the mission up and down the beautiful Huang shan, so we were 5 to do it in total. We were advised that it was very difficult to do the whole thing in one day and that we would probably have to take a cable car / stay in a pricey hostel at the top. We were determined to do it in one go. Toot toot!
As is generally the case when you plan to go somewhere to see wonderful, breath-taking views, it decided to rain, a lot, the day we went up. Hmph. All the way up the 7.5 km climb on the Eastern Steps we just got very wet. At the top, we got even wetter and saw...nada. We ended up taking pictures of the placards to show what it should look like. (It was still fun though). On the 15 km descent (which contained many ascents also!) down the Western steps, it cleared up! The sun came out and we could see what every one had been harping on about. The place is truly phenomenal. Possibly some of the most stunning and inspirational scenery I have ever laid eyes on. Wow. My pics don't do it justice. I can see now what Monty Don was going on about on his program. Despite the rain, I am very pleased we did it. And in a day! Take that, Lonely Planet guide! Mwah ha ha ha ha!
Mon Ti and I sadly went our separate ways; he bound for Wuyuan and myself for Shanghai. Had a bit of an adventureon the way there tho! We came to a standstill on the "EXPYWY" to see a car in a ball of flames! I couldn't see any bodies or any other cars involved. I can only imagine that the bonnet of the car flew up, the car crashed into the central reservation and caught fire. We must have arrived literally just after it had happened, cos there were only about 50 cars in front of us and the fire service was yet to arrive. I so should have got my camera and gone right up to the scene tosnap away...but I was just too lazy. Itseems you can do it here, in China. No health and safety here...the world and his wife came from the villages next to the motorway, scrambling onto the road to have a peek. It was like an outing...honesly...I saw fathers bringing their ypung sons to take a look. Must have been "to make them real men" or something. I was just glad not to see any death!
Lovely Steve from university put my up for a week in his apartment in Shanghai. It was great to catch up with him and be confident in the knowledge that he is having an awesome time in Shanghai. Sadly, being late due to the ball of flames on the motorway meant we had missed happy hour, but we still managed to get out and party hard until about 6am on the Saturday morning. It was fun! And Steve has a great group of friends...a very international vibe too. My cleansed body didn't feel too clever the following day however. Eugh. And this was the theme of the weekend. Of course, I am not saying that Steve and his friends have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. Of course not! They just all work hard and needed a release that weekend ;)
(That OK, Steve?)
We went to many bars, including the infamous Windows! And I even got to go to a club which is based in a disused bomb shelter, aptly named "Shelter" (it's got long dark tunnels and realistic "dampness"), and to a gig (Steve's flatmate, John, is in an awesome band). I also got to go to a roof-top party with AMAZING views...and tiles that just kept of smashing under our feet. Oops. After the 1st weekend, I'd had such a good time, that I contemplated moving there myself! What wouldstop me, however, is that there isn't a great deal to do once all the bars have been visited...and the air pollution is terrible. I really noticed it. In fac, I am with cold at present...and this is the first time I have caught anything since being in China.
In between night-time frolics, I also did some sight-seeing...the Shanghai Museum, the Old town and the Bazaar and Yuyuan gardens, an acrobatics show by the Shanghai acrobatics troupe, a daytrip to Suzhou and it's wonderful gardens etc. Suzhouwas a real adventure. For the first time, I felt like I was actually able to make myself understood with the Chinese people. I managed to get my way around the city without using a single taxi, and even managed to haggle a ride on the back of a motorbike! I was well chuffed!
I also caught up with an old friend from Luxembourg, Johanna, and managed to spend the afternoon with a Chinese girl called Xia Wu, whom Mon Ti and I had met on the train on the way to Hangzhou. Which was very nice indeed.
I also had a spat with some would-be pick pockets on my last (hungover) afternoon on the Bund. I had been telling myself all day that I should put my phone in the main pocket of my bag, with all my other valuables...but as yet I had not done so. More fool me! I felt the despicable types unzip my bag and instantly (well, as instantly as one can when hungover and tired) swung round to confront them. They were, naturally, trying their best to skulk off. I went right up to them, and checked frantically to see whether they had got my phone, shouting at them "had they taken anything from my bag". Luckily, they hadn't managed to find the phone as it was tucked behind my phrasebook (thank you Edwards people!) and some other stuff. So I pulled it out and thrust it in their face, asking if that's what they had wanted, and said "too bad", called them a nasty names beginning with "F" and ending in "...ers" and turned on my heel. I was quite pleased with my performance, but was shaking with rage! Am glad they didn't get the phone...cos I wonder what I would have done..?!
Thats one thing about Shanghai. Tho' it's awesome fun for nightlife andstuff, there are people constantly on the scam or thieve. I had people alllll the time trying to get me to come drink "tea" with them to to come see their "student art exhibition", or trying to lead me somewhere (where I knew blatantly how to get to, cos I hd a map..duh) and then try and charge me. All lies and potential scams. It got very tiresome. But luckily, I escaped unscathed!
Trying not to outstay my welcome, I finally caught a sleeper train out of Shanghai just over a week after arriving...bound for Tai'an, back in Shandong Province (where the academy is). The plan was to climb Taishan to excrete from my body all the naughtiness that I had put in it over the last week. Once again, I managed to make myself understood to the point that I haggled a private room! With a/c, private bathroom and a window (can be sometimes hard to find...believe it or not) for Y60/night. Woohoo. Not scammed! There isn't a great deal to do in Tai'an...except to see the Dai Temple (see pics), which is a nice place to while away the afternoon hours. It was HOT the day I arrived. And sunny. The following day (when I planned to climb the mountain), it was not so hot, and cloudy. Doh! Again! Nevertheless, I wasn't to be perturbed, so set off early, on my lonesome to face the beast. It wasn't actually all that hard going. I must admit that I found Huangshan much harder. However, my sweat glands didn't appear to care, and within 20 minutes, I was drenched in sweat. Literally. I mean positively, totally drenched. To the point where if I stopped, it would drip like a leaky tap to the floor. It must have been quite a sight. "Look at the sweaty Lawai!" they must have been thinking as I passed them. I was fairly embarrassed! But luckily I am not likely to see them again.
The strangest thing did happen about half way up though. I encountered this very old, long-haired, long finger-nailed, totally "authentic Chinese" Taoist monk. He appeared to be blind, but he was just old and squinting. As soon as he spotted me coming up the steps, he exclaimed with joy. As I neared he got up and insisted on firmly shaking my hand, and then on hugging me tightly. And then...to my shock and somewhat horror, he insited on picking me up and holding me for about 20 seconds for all and sundry to see! I hadn't a clue what was going on! And was mildly concerned that he was going to fall down the steps, with me in tow. I also met him on the way down...to have the same experience. This time, I got a photo. What a nutter! It was as strange as when that small boy rubbed mine and Sarah's bellies at the temple opening in April.
Sitting down to what the Lonely planet promised to be a cheap and yummy dinner back in Tai'an, I randomly bumped into another traveller, Martin from Holland, who had also come in search of the same thing. So naturally, as travellers do, we ate together. He had come to China via the Trans-Siberian railway! Lucky lucky! I really want to do it too! He was a very interesting chap, and it made my evening, having someone new to talk to.
So now, I'm in Qufu, birthplace of Confucius. Am taking it pretty easy due to this nasty lurgy I seem to have contracted from Shanghai shenanigans ( been in China for nearly 4 months, and the first time I get ill is in the smog of Shangers..hmph). Went to see the 3 principle sites today...the Confucius temple, the Mansions and the Cemetery. The first two were huge and pretty impressive...all that for one guy and his family! But the cemetery was the weirdest of all. Granted I didn't sleep a wink last night for whatever reason, so I am bit spaced out, but I was proper scared walking around it on my own. It's got like 100 000 trees (of the twisty, turny, graveyard type...Ooer) or something ridiculous. And nearly ALL the tombs of Confucius and his subsequent descendants (that's a lot of corpses). It's massive, and proper eerie! AND the mozzies want to eat you allll the time. I was constantly spraying myself with Jungle formula and shouting expletives at them to shoo them away. Think I may have ingested deet through my skin. Plain weird place...but I didn't much like being on my own. At one end there are just LOADS of BIG, NOISY birds. They were freaking me out! I half expected a tiger to come out and start chasing me. Or a zombie! There are loads of tombstones, and headstones, and big animal and people statues guarding the graves...but there are also just loads of BIG mounds of crumbling earth and straw-like grass...makes you think the people have been trying to push their way out of the ground! Ooer. I left there a lot sooner than anticipated!
Whilst feeling very sorry for myself, a girl from my room who's English name is Rachel asked if I wanted to eat with her. So we headed to a street where there are dozens and dozens of street-food vendors. She is Cantonese and so I let her do the choosing (I was secretly hoping she wouldn't opt for fried toad or any other insect). We ate quite well, but the naughty man tried to charge us Y90 for 3 plates of food. I said he was having a giraffe, and so we managed to barter him down. What a naughty one...trying to fleece one of his own people. Tsk tsk.
In my delirious state, I thought that Mum was arriving Saturday, but in fact it is Sunday, which means I can go to the Shaolin temple tomorrow and get in on a tour that some of my ex-academy mates are going on, organised by one of the masters! Woohoo! I was very lucky though...I got the last train ticket! Phewf! Am so excited! It will be fantastic to see the guys again, and to be taken around the complex by a real living, breathing, practising monk and master will be phenomenal. AMAZING!
Am very excited about seeing Mum! We're going to see the Teracotta Warriors and stuff in Xi'an, go back towards the Shaolin temple to see the Longmen caves in Henan, then to Pingyao in Shanxi, maybe the carvings in Datong (but only if we can escape Datong the same night, as I hear it is almost as inviting a place as Huaihua!) and Beijing. I am really looking forward to seeing her!
How is everyone at home?
Is the sun out now?
Thanks again for all your messages and texts. They are really welcome and make me smile!
Looking forward to catching up with you when I get back...not long to go now...it's weird!\

Lots of love

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