10th Feb 2013
Our first impressions as we sat on the coach from Santiago airport to our hotel was made more relaxing by the mellow tones of the Carpenters 'Close to You' bellowed out (not a word I would have associated with the Carpenters but ‘bellow’ out, they did!!). On our route from the airport our first impression were that we are both surprised as to how advanced Chile appears.

Chile is not as cold as the name suggests. The temperature stayed at a balmy 80°F (25C). They should rename the country Scorchio!

Santiago was founded by Spanish conquistador Pedro de Valdivia in 1541.

Resting on an inland plain, with the Andes glimmering in the distance, it is now the capital of Chile and the fifth largest city in South America. The Mapuche destroyed it in 1541, only six months after Pedro de Valdivia founded it (b******s!!) but soon the Spanish were back and building it up again. (yay!!)Today, it is one of the most modern cities on the continent, home to nearly 5 million inhabitants - over a third of all Chileans.

One of the main arteries through Santiago is called Avenida Bernardo O’Higgins. He was one of Chiles main heroes in the country’s fight for independence. He was born Bernard O’Higgins of Irish descent but decided to change his name to fit in with the locals….by adding an ‘O’ to his first name?? Such originality. This obviously did the trick as the Chilean people revered him and after they gained independence made him a national hero. I would have thought disguising his name with an ‘O’ would have had the same effect as putting a lampshade over your head and hiding. It only seems to work in cartoons. Well this is historical proof that it used to work. But that was before they had ‘Cartoon Network’ and people became wise to this stunt!!!

Santiago is the gateway to Chile. Thousands of tourists pour in everyday to either head straight for Valparaiso’s large and busy cruise terminal or off to discover themselves in the Andes. As we’re both past ‘discovering ourselves’ we fell in to the former category. This is a little bit unfair on Santiago but lets face it, who’s ever stared at a gateway admiring its paintwork!? Be honest, you always can’t wait to get through to see what’s on the other side! Well we broke with custom and decided to ‘stare’ at this gateway. For 5 minutes at least!!

There is a very efficient subway system in Santiago so after checking in to the Ibis and grabbing a bite to eat, Roisin and I decided to head for Santa Lucia. That seemed to be where the centre is located. There are ticket machines available at each subway station and various tariffs and offers made this a cheap mode of transport. However as we were only going to make 2 journeys we decided that individual purchases would suffice. Each journey only cost 80p ($1.30) so being brave I approached the ticket seller.

‘Dos tickets’ I spoke in to the microphone holding up 2 fingers just in case I had mispronounced ‘Dos’ wrong. Apparently I had!!

‘Uno?’ the ticket seller queried holding up 1 digit.

‘No, Dos’, I repeated making an emphasised 2 finger gesture that could be misconstrued in the UK. He got the message!!!

We weaved our way from Santa Lucia subway across the Avenue University of Chile toward the very heart of Santiago, Plaza de Armas. It was Sunday night and like most other centres (with the possible exception of London), was all but deserted. All shops have metal shutters and most were covered in some sort of graffiti giving it that ‘should I really be on this side of the railway tracks" kind of feel!

Plaza de Armas was much busier than our route here would suggest. We sat for some minutes in the square, taking in the sun and watching the pigeons (has life really come to this??) before having a wander around the square. We had pretty much been on the go for nearly 30 hours. Enough of admiring the gateway. It was time to head back to the hotel for a well earned rest safe in the knowledge we had bought our tickets the night before that would take us through the gateway to Valparaiso at 09:20 tomorrow morning.

11th Feb 2013
We took breakfast in the Ibis before checking out. The receptionist asked me if breakfast was included in the room rate (that was paid on arrival). I said I don’t think so. She just shrugged and said ‘Well it is now!!’  We both conclude that the Chileans are a nice people!

At 08:50 we were standing at bay 7/8 waiting for the bus that would take us on the final leg of our journey prior to picking up the ship. Due to the popularity of the Santiago to Valparaiso route, taxis will willingly take you to your destination although according to Trip Advisor will cost $140 for the privilege. There is no need to justify where our alliance lies!! We will happily slum it for the princely sum of $10 per person.

Looking at the buses that were manoeuvring in and out of the depot with the ease of a very bad dodgem car driver (i.e. not hitting anything!!) they were state of the art, fully air conditioned single or double-deckers. Luggage is passed to the porter who stows it in the compartment underneath the bus then provides you with a receipt that must be surrendered on the collection at your destination. Very efficient!

 As I looked at our ticket I asked Roisin: ‘what seat numbers do we have?’

‘19 and 20’, she replied.

‘I don’t want to panic you’, I continued ‘but I’m starting to panic!! I can only see seat 19 on this ticket. And we only have one ticket. Look around. Everyone in groups and families have a ticket each’.

Roisin rushed back to the ticket office. Our bus had not long departed when she came back with a fresh pair of tickets. We’re now on the 09:31’

‘Did you explain the problem’, I asked.

‘No. It was easier and less painful to buy new tickets for the sake of £12!!’

As the bus reversed out of bay 8 on the start of our 2-hour journey, a short safety film was played completely in Spanish. From the graphics it was obvious the message was clear. Each seat is fitted with a seat belt. Use it!!! We both immediately complied and sat back to enjoy the rest of the ride, me with my crossword book and Roisin with her iPod.

A blue motorway sign came in to view and the bus followed the directional arrow. Chilean motorways are not like those in the UK or Europe. I think the similarity of the sign to those in the UK confused me. This sign probably meant that you are now entering a slightly bigger road than the one you are about to leave!!!

I nudged Roisin.

‘2 down’, I started. ‘To hit something hard: _w_t’. I showed her my answer.

No!’ she exclaimed. ‘I think you’ll find the answer is ‘Swat’!!

‘Oh yeah, of course!!

The terrain en route started flat and barren with rolling and rugged hills not too distant away. The scenery soon changed to lush green avenues of varying species of trees. We could have been anywhere in Northern Europe or North America.

40 minutes in to our journey and the bus pulled in to a lay-by. Two officials boarded from the Transport Inspectorate. The bus conductor came bolting up stairs and said something in Spanish.

‘What was that??’ Roisin asked me

‘He said, ‘Attencione! Por favor...and then he lost me. How do you expect me to know? Due to his actions coming from around his waist and the clunk click from the seats of other passengers I’d say he was telling everyone to put their seat beats on before the ‘filth’ came upstairs.’

A head appeared and started to check around a fire extinguisher that lay at the top of the stairs. The bodiless head then turned his attention to us, the passengers, before scribbling some notes on a battered clipboard, muttering in Spanish and 5 minutes later and we were on the road again.

Despite this little detour we still arrived in Valparaiso bang on time. We headed straight to a waiting cab and 20 minutes later were outside Da Vinci Hotel. The metered taxi (take note Abu Dhabi!!) cost 4800 (nearly$10 or £6.40). This was deserving of a tip, me thinks.

We were greeted by the proprietor Ricardo from Modena, Italy. We should have guessed. The clue was in the name of the hotel, which, by the way, had lots of character. We were immediately made very welcome. The rooms were not quite ready so we were directed to the mezzanine for complimentary tea, coffee and wi-fi. This was much more pleasant and personal than the IBIS. An old grammar phone sat opposite the tea and coffee complete with a 78rpm vinyl record. For those of you too young to remember 78s, think of them as large black CDs!!! Roisin forbade me to touch it, as I would probably start to reminisce how I used to have one of these in the 60s and end up buying one on eBay! I then turned my attention to the free wi-fi and sat behind the PC monitor was a singer sewing machine. ‘Must be the start of a new craze’, I thought…’Surf and sew!!!’ 

Ricardo suggested that we join a ‘tours for tips’ excursion. This is a walking tour that lasts for about 3 hours and is completely free. The guide relies on the generosity of the public for tips at the end of the tour.

Valparaiso is made up from 45 cerros, or hills, overlooking the ocean. This requires the use of winding pathways and wooden ascensores (funiculars) to get up many of the grades. There are 7 working funiculars in Valparaiso at the moment. The city has served as Santiago's port for centuries. Before the Panama Canal opened, Valparaiso was the busiest port in South America. Changing trade routes and industrial decline have diminished its importance, but it remains Chile's principal port.

We strolled down to Plaza Sotomayor. Valparaiso’s most impressive square, Plaza Sotomayor, serves as a gateway to the bustling port. At one end rises the Comandancia en Jefe de la Armada, the Admiralty, the headquarters of the Chilean navy. At the centre point of the square stands the Monumento de los Héroes de Iquique, which honours Arturo Prat and other heroes of the War of the Pacific.

While waiting for our ‘Tours for Tips’ guide I spied a tottering middle aged man heading in our direction. Even the town drunks that can be right nuisances have a degree of politeness. One approached me and said something in Spanish.

 ‘No speekie da lingo’. I replied in a humouring sort of way.

‘Canadian’ he said in a slurred but perfectly accented English.

I couldn’t be bothered to correct him so I just nodded.

‘Just ignore me’, he said. ‘I’m drunk!!’  He then staggered on his way. Like I said. Polite. Pissed as a fart but polite!!!

Our guide’s name was Francisco. Although the tour was conducted in English, he spoke the tongue of every person who joined. French, German, Dutch even Japanese. 

‘It would probably be quicker if you told me the languages you DIDN’T speak’, I jested. tour was well worth the money (oh, wait…it was free!!!)

One of the first lectures we received pointed us to a Greco Roman style building with a glass monolith rising from the centre. This is home to the main shipping company in Chile. They were refused permission to build such a diverse structure sprouting out of the classic architecture by the Municipality. However, the executives of the Shipping Company threatened to pull out of Valparaiso and move a hundred miles down the coast to San Antonio, taking 5000 jobs with them. It’s nice to know bribery and blackmail still forms the centre of certain world economies!!!

The tour took us, via funicular to Alegre Hill then up a flight of stairs to Conception Hill. We meandered our way through the alleys and street admiring the graffiti that, by this time, had really become street art.

We were introduced to the mural known as ‘the Chicken on the bedside table’. The guide did very well in explaining that the Chilean people always refer to each other as animals as terms on endearment. So saying ‘Hello my little pig’ to your spouse or partner is a turn on!!! Well I never! To think I have been adopting this Chilean custom all this time without even knowing it!!

Francisco explained in an impeccable and very diplomatic way the meaning of

The ‘Chicken on the bedside table’: It means taking someone to a ‘pay by the hour’ motel for a bit of extra curricular activity or as you English say…a quickie!!!’

We were taken to the house of an ‘alleged’ rock star as he had appeared on Chile’s equivalent of Britain’s Got Talent. Some bloke answered the door. He was in his 70s so we’re still not sure if this was a wind up. He appeared holding a try of cakes that he proceeded to pass around the group. The cakes were biscuit based marshmallow covered in chocolate. A sign above the door advertised these mini ‘wagon wheels’ for 200 pesos each (35p) but all came as part of the service. We all thanked him, gave him a round of applause and were on our way once more.

This was not strictly a walking tour because for the last part we took a trolley bus. The trolley buses are all imported from either the USA, Austria/Switzerland or China. Our particular trolley bus was a 1947 model from Chicago, Illinois. It was still going strong even if it creaked a bit!

We had now crossed 3 of the 43 hills and had ended up at some weird little hobbit style house where we were offered a final drink of Pisco Sour. This is a traditional South America cocktail of Wine and herbs. It is very sour and after a few, you can easily get ‘piscoed’, hence the name!!!

If you visit Valparaiso, you will notice there are many ‘stray’ dogs roaming the streets. In the daytime however, all are too hot and can be seen sprawled out in any shade that can be found. While stood listening to one of Francisco’s anecdotes I happened to stand back and accidentally stepped on the paw of a rather large dog. It just jerked its paw away and stayed still. It couldn’t even be bothered to bite me. Even the animals are polite to tourists here.

Valparaiso has come as a pleasant surprise to both of us. Although we hadn’t really heard any bad tales, all the pictures I could find on the net depicted what looked like a run down city. We expected there to be hustlers and people trying to rip you off at every opportunity. We imagined venturing down the network of alleyways, not knowing what would be around the next corner. Of course there are ‘no-go’ areas, especially after dark, as was explained by Francisco but our perceptions have been so off the mark.

Valparaiso is a city of culture, discovery and most of all, the people, drunks and even our canine friends all urge you to enjoy the delights this city has to offer. If you are planning to move out here and like fell walking, become a postman!!

Tomorrow is the organised chaos known as embarkation day. This is where our holiday really begins.