Hi guys, time for the second instalment of the Bike Crash Blog. I have been overwhelmed with the support and love I have been recieving in the last 12 days. I can not say thank you enough, it really has kept my spirits up in this hard time. I do hope most of you have read the first one, if not, please do it.....now! 

So going back to last Wednesday when I was due for the big operation. I can't remember to much to be honest as I was asleep, but I did wake up right at the end as they were moving me on to the recovery bed. I remember coming round and people pulling my leg and feeling the most intense pain all over my body. I was blacking out from time to time but remember just thinking I'm in pain, I can't move very well and where the snotting hell am I? As I was slowly coming round I noticed the pain from the op was a lot more than I had expected. They had told me that they had taken my whole Lat muscle from my right shoulder (the wing muscle that goes to the top of your bum to your armpit) and another muscle from my rib and converted it down to my calf area and up to my knee. They also said that they have taken a skin graft from my left thigh (like cheese grating thin layers of skin) and replaced it over the large open wound on my right leg. They seemed happy with the 11 hour operation and left me to rest. I was so drugged up it was difficult to feel any emotions at this point. I knew I was in the hands of some very talented and gifted people that would do what they can to save my leg. 

The next few days were much the same. It took me just till the next morning whilst I was scratching down my right side that I noticed that i had a massive flat spot on my right rib. I could actually feel where they had removed my Lat muscle and other rib muscle and it was, and still is one of the most weirdest feelings I have felt. When you know something has been on your body all your life and then suddenly for it not to be there and has been replaced just with a numbing feeling and and empty space, to say it feels slightly odd is a slight understatement. It's a feeling I know I will grow to get use too. The other thing that became quite apparent was the fact I had all these blood bags and pipes attatched to the side of my bed and going into my body. At first I thought it's blood to feed the wounds but in fact it was the opposite, so knowing that I had 3 bags of blood filling up next to me was a bit disturbing, not to mention the pipe stuck in my man tool collecting the urine from my beautiful bladder, I assumed you had to be 50+ to qualify for one of those bad boys...nope, healthy, fit 26 year old guys are totally qualified too. Then there is the skin graphed wound from my left thigh. Now this feels like a really intense burn. Every time I would move my leg it would be agony, but as I am able to still move my left leg a bit i want to keep moving my ankle and calf just to stop bed sores etc, I just forget that I have had a whole layer of skin removed from my thigh and moved to my opposite leg. Ouchy!!! The right leg itself has been sore as you can imagine. They have left a flap out of the dressing so they can see how well my back muscle is adapting to my leg. The first night I had observations and test every 30 mins, so sleep was not an option. All the next day was filled with intense drugs, lots of people checking the flap on the leg, lots more drugs and more horrid tests. By this point I had replaced 10 units of blood!!! Thats nearly my whole body of blood. The last 2 units I was actually so desperate for I think they thought that I might have been a vampire. I needed it though, I was pale and drowsy. They said I can only go out at night times now otherwise I will frazzle into a thousand dust mites. All the joking aside I know I have a serious leg injury and am on a very long road to recovery, but I haven't been training the last 6 years to be beat this easy. Not even a car can hold me down and defeat me! I value my life a lot more though, I value my friends a lot more too and like I said to one of them earlier, be safe on the roads. Yes you might not be to blame but you can still do things to lower that blame down. Please be careful and alert guys, I don't want to see any of you in this position ever, I love you all to much to see it happen. Let this be a strong lesson and please learn from it EVEN though it was not my fault, it could have been avoided. 

So the doctors were a bit worried at first with the way the new muscle was taking to the new blood vessel and all that techno mumbo jumbo. There was a slight discolouration in one corner of the muscle. They were concerned that the blood was not getting to that spot so they released the pressure from a couple of the staples. The surgeoun said it will not hurt as it should still be numb, well the conclusion came very quickly that he was a big fat liar. As one of my poor back scratchers and megs found out, that really did hurt. He just pulled them slightly and seemed happy so far. I left teeth marks in the wooden scratcher, now like anything this could have been avoided if my other scratcher (which now has it's own facebook page - stuballs scratcher - look him up) was around but i had misplaced it somewhere for a few days. Very sad. I wouldn't have left any marks on that bad boy. So after a lot of worrying that my muscle might not work and left with the prospect of having to go under the knife for more work, they finally said I should be ok and healthy as youth and fitness is on my side.

Emotionally I have been tested everyday but you fight it, it's the only way I know how. Going from an  independent, active guy that trains everyday and has a fairly active job to becoming a bed ridden guy who relies on others to help me do everything. It's one of the biggest tests for me because I'm so independent and self driven and I want to do everything myself but right now I can't, I pysically can't. I've had to dig real deep into that spirit of mine to get more of that fighting, driven and focused energy to keep me going in here. It's hard because I can't just simply move and swing my legs off the bed, a simple task like that is so under appreciated by most but I'm in dying need to do that. They tell me I can hang my legs very soon so I can get the blood back to my feet and mainly to feed that new muscle. I can't wait till then.

Now I know I have gone on a lot again but I just want people to get a snippet into my injury and the way I'm dealing with it, just a snippet! I have missed a lot of emotion in this blog, I've missed a lot on NHS polotics, nurse warfare, nurse gossip and many more nursey business. I am sure in the next blog I will fill it in. Everythings just a bit blurry at the moment as the drugs are still very present in my brain. I want to say thank you again for the love I have got since my crash nearly 2 weeks ago now. It keeps me up, it keeps my heart kicking and it's another reason I fight hard in this hospital. Keep safe and be alert out there guys, if you think it might never happen to you, just remember, I use to think that. Just do your best to drive/ride safe please. All my love to all who read. 

Stu x