The road to no-where? 9th January 2006 So far the longest bus journey Stu has ever done is certainly less than 10hours, more indeed like 8 on this trip. Thus I was filled with trepidation as we boarded the first minibus at 7pm on the 9th January. What would the main bus look like, would it be an air-conditioned double decked super bus with on-board 'air hostess' or what? Unfortunately as we arrived at the main bus station the reality hit us, it would be a clapped out old banger with roof space reserved only for parcels and cargo and the lower luggage storage space completely out of bounds to falang (foreigners). There must be some sort of scam going on as every time we board a bus the locals are always on first and sat at the front. As we boarded the locals had conveniently arranged themselves on a one per two-seat basis and spread their belongings and boxes out all over the bus. Our foreigner group of 5 Dutchmen and 4 Brits tried in vain to store our luggage in the lower compartment and instead had to heave all our stuff onto the main bus and into the back. So we were crammed in from the start with boxes around our feet and no overhead room space. Still we never thought this was going to be an easy ride, I mean, what do you expect for 13 dorrar each for a touted 18hr bus journey? As we set off the by now standard music was blaring from the VJ with one or two of the locals singing along. The typical stop for petrol comes 5 minutes into the journey as well. These guys never fill up before going anywhere - it always happens on our time. We stop after about and hour and a half for a loo break and Stu re-arranges some of the boxes around our feet and at least one of us can stretch our legs in the aisle. About 100 metres further down the road we stop at some post office type place where several huge boxes are heaved onto the roof of the bus and the leftovers are then placed in the aisle of the bus (naturally at the back where all the foreigners are). There goes the stretching space in the middle of the aisle. So we trundle on the never-ending road, the idea is to get to the border with Laos at about 4am and sit there until it opens at 7am. Great planning. At about 10.30pm the music stops pumping out of the VJ and thank god for that. We have had enough wailing and screaming for now thank you very much (all phhhhnnnyyyaaaaass and yinhhhhhnnnyaarrresss and hnnnnnnnnnnns) and the driver decides to put on some action-come-comedy, ancient martial arts meets wild western film from China one presumes. The two female actresses are particularly annoying and seem to engage in a non stop quest for mischief and cheating at dominoes (not that I was watching, of course!) At about 11.30pm the driver decides he needs a piss and stops for a break in a field. We clamber over numerous boxes and the men at least are able to take a leak. The ladies are not so fortunate, and Amy decides this is not the time to wee in public hoping that there will be a proper loo stop shortly. The journey carries on and Stu engages in a battle of wits with the local sitting in front of him. Every time he tries to push his seat back Stu puts his knees in the way and it's just a question of how hard he can push against Stu's knees before he gives up. This little game continues half hourly for a period of about 10 hours. By now most of us are feeling a little tired and we want to try to get some peace let alone rest. However, the action-come-comedy turns out not to be not a film, rather more a never-ending 9 set DVD which, from what we can make out, has no meaning nor ending. At about midnight the driver puts on the second of these DVD's to cries and howls of "No turn that shi*e off" and "we want to get some sleep" from the Dutchmen and Englishmen at the rear. Sadly all to no avail. We agree that it is best not to piss the driver off too much as the DVD is probably the only thing keeping him awake. We look around the bus and notice that none of the locals are watching the DVD anyway as they are huddled up beneath coats, scarves, gloves and blankets. We are wearing trousers and a fleece and the driver has the window open and occasionally lights up treating us all to the lovely taste of his ciggies. 10th January At about 1am we stop at Hue and let another passenger (tourist) on. There is no-where for her to sit so a local gets up out of their seat and sits on the floor. At 2am the latest episode of the DVD finishes and the driver takes the hint, relative peace as last. Amy is desperate for the loo in a nearly pain inducing way. The bus is freezing (with fans on and drivers window open), with no access to (and no idea where) our coats are all we can do is shiver and huddle up. At about 4am we realise how the driver has managed to keep going without a stop nor a piss for 4 and a half hours. His size. Surely anyone with a belly that big has to have a huge bladder too. We finally stop some minutes after at a garage, probably only because we have run out of petrol. Amy needs a torch to see where the stinky ladies are. On we go again and reach the border at about 5.30am. We have managed to get a little bit of sleep and find our jackets. It is still freezing. We see the Vietnamese border guards getting their daily pep talk from the boss who is probably saying something like "don't make too many cock-ups today lads and do try to rip the foreigners off as much as possible" It costs us about a dorrar to have our form filled in by the guards and we are off into no-man's land between Vietnam and Laos, the 5th country on our trip. Laos immigration is equally as un-organised and we are on our way again at 8.30am. We stop for breakfast at 9.30am (no-one has told us anything since we boarded 14 hours ago). The new driver for this leg of the trip decides that he wants to play pool with his mates over breakfast and we finally set off again on our way at 11.30am. Laos immediately strikes us as being poor but not in total abject povety. True there are stretches of dirt road but the wooden huts have a certain tidyness about them which we did not see in Cambodia or even in Vietnam. Thankfully the weather has taken a turn for the better and it must be pushing 25 degrees outside. By now our backsides are becoming decidedly sore and uncomfortable. Amy wins at Scrabble by 32 points. She has an 7 letter word (liasing) on a triple word score using up all her letters (74 points). This despite hardly any sleep - how on earth will Stu ever win again???!! We finally arrive in Vientiane at 6pm and make our way into town. To top off the mega journey, most of the places are booked out and we eventually settle on a place for 15 dorrar in the middle of the city. Vientiane is a breath of fresh air compared to Hanoi quite literally. The streets are clean, there is hardly any traffic and the evenings are warm. We go to a local bar for dinner for some extremely hot local salad amongst other stuff which is pretty good. Stu gets beaten by a lady at pool (Note to Fergus: she was not pregnant, as far as I could tell, but she did have extremely large mammories - perhaps that put me off). Hanging my head in shame we go back to our hotel and sleep. Vietnam We are glad to have left Vietnam behind. A month travelling there is definitely enough and we have travelled from the Mekong Deta in very south to Sapa in the very North. The Vietnamese countryside is lovely and the cities are not without charm but it's the people who we encountered who have slightly soured the experience. OK, tourism has a lot to answer for but is it so much to ask for a little politeness, honesty and hospitality? We get the overriding impression that the Vietnamese are now over-reliant on foreigners as they know that we have oodles of cash to spend in relation to them and they will do anything to get it. There is clearly overcapacity within the tourism industry here as it seems everyone has been jumping on the bandwagon. We are annoyed by the lack of copywrite laws meaning that anyone can copy a good name and reputation and give a poor service when one is expecting something better. Manners are something which is simply not taught here, people shouting at you in the street and turning away from you when they have sussed out that you are not going to buy anything from them (I am sure there is really no word for please or thankyou in Vietnamese, they just made one up to satisfy the tourists). Above all, people have no sense of personal space or privacy, probably because they have never experienced it themselves. On the positive side we would return here as the food is extremely good, especially the local specialities in Hoi An. Beers are good here too with Halida and Saigon probably being our favourites. Next time we would pick out the best bits of our trip and add to them places a little bit off the beaten track - Hoi An, Sapa, Mekong Delta, Saigon and Halong bay and maybe go back to Dalat providing the weather was better - they have a great golf course there. There is no doubt that Nha Trang is a great beach town given the right weather also. All the best and please keep the emails and messages coming, Lots of Love Stu & Amy.