Arrived in Sihanoukville a couple fo days ago. Pretty beach town - quite quiet and it's out of season, but I quite like it. It's nice to be away from the bustle of the city. It rains in the morning from about 6am until 9am then again from 3pm until 6pm and then from about 10pm through the night. This has caused a few problems with my plans. I had wanted to visit a nearby island (called Bamboo Island) but the boats aren't running because the weather is too bad, which is a shame. Tomorrow i'm planning to move to Kampot and then maybe visit a hill station (Bokor Hill). Hopefully there'll be some spectactular sceneray up there - although it might be quite erie - the book describes it as being like something out of the Shining! Going to try and persuade a moto driver to take me up ther on a dirt bike - could be amusing! Today I had a full body massage (for $5) and a pedicure (for $2). Since travelling round Asia I haven't really bought any souvenirs and the only way I've really contributed to the community (other than the obvious shear pleasure of my company!) is through guest houses and food places - which I guess are probably run by westerners. In Cambodia there are loads of beggars and very poor people who try to make a living by selling souvenirs or offering shoe cleaning, massages etc etc.. so, despite not really wanting one I decided I should ($5 is the average daily wage of a moto driver - and they're well paid!). I'm also feeling guilty because Claire has spent the last 6 months being noble and working with orphans in terribile places and I've done very little to justify my existence - obviously my massage was nothing in comparison to volunteering, but it's a step up from my usual response of "no thank you" Anyway - my massage: A very nice lady with only about 5 teeth offered me a massage on the beach, so I agreed. The experience wasn't all together amazing, but i'd say it was mostly pleasant. It was for 1 hour - halfway through I did think it was over and got up to pay her, but she wanted me to turn over to do the other side - caused some confusion!! At one point I did think I was close to being winded too (never been winded before but I'm sure I was approching winded staus!) She kept bashing me on the back - and I couldn't regulate my breathing after a while!! Was very amusing! She also massaged my feet - which was really difficult becasue i'm really tickleish - but I was mature about it! She cracked every one of my toes and finger joints - not a fan of joint cracking - not sure they've ever been cracked like that before - felt very unnatural. At the end she gave me a head massage but I swear I was being bashed over the head with coconut shells - it really did feel and sound like it! Don''t think I'm concussed. Anyway - it was mostly pleasant and I did feel really good afterwards, so it was $5 well spent. I now also have perfectly manicured toes with different colours on each. spent the evening tonight with a few Khmer girls, some who do the massages etc during the day and one girl who runs a bar on the beach. That was really interesting - especially hearing their views about the government. It's funny - Cambodia is so corrupt - even I've had to pay bribes on journeys (well the driver has) to the police, but then I can't see how it would change. Cambodia has no system in place to tax anyone and everyone is so poor that tax is just a ridiculous proposition. Therefore the government has no money to pay the service people -so people like the police and doctors get paid virtually nothing, so obviously they need more money, so they demand "protection money" from the people/communities they work in. You can't really blame them. It also makes me sick sometimes because I have such a warped take on things. When we were on the pick-up back from Mondulkiri I was sitting in the back feeling a bit miffed that I could feel a spot developing on my chin, when a poor woman with a tiny child was on the boot drenched in rain, holding on for dear life, How selfish is that!? As soon as I realised what I was thinking about I felt terrible. Then Claire asked me if I felt guilty about being inside whilst they were outside. I thought about it and decided I didn't - she called me heartless, but the thing is, I don't feel that I'm personally responsible for any of the suffering out here. I think it's terrible and that the world is a painfully unfair place, but that woman would have been outside whether I was there ar not - I wasn't taking her place inside. I would have felt guilty if i'd been the reason she was there. Most people I've spoken to out here have barely enough money to feed and house themselves - the girl I was speaking to this evening who owns the bar sleeps in the kitchen - she can't afford to pay rent for the bar and a flat, and her entire family sleeps in the Bar. The bar is outside - just a simple wooden bench really. How sad is that?!!? It changes my perspective totally - we're so privellaged to worry about whether our pension schemes will look after us when we're old, or whether the NHS hospitals are clean enough or what our next move should be in our careers. The only thing people have to worry about here is whether they have enough food each day not to starve and whether the bamboo roof will stand another night of rain. It's really easy to forget that all the most basic concerns we ever had are taken care of in the UK (for the majority of people). Anyone who ever says that England is rubbish is an idiot. That's what I was thinking tonight whilst sipping my Mojito cocktail costing $1.50 during the happy hour at the bar of the girl who can't afford to live in a flat. Sometimes things out here seem so wrong.