Saving Face

Throughout Asia there is a common cultural characteristic known as "face". Face is everything because face displays your wealth and status in the community - so weddings are over the top, architecture grandiose, gold displayed at every opportunity, and of course the more initials you can put after your name (BA MBA PhD CPA ICAA Pty Ltd) the better.

So, too, must one "save face" when dealing with a conflict. This is a concept that I was familiar with but never really understood until witnessing how a standard dispute over a bill situation went from basic to completely absurd in 30 seconds.

Vietnamese are very proud people, which you can tell from their ability to constantly fight off aggressors and occupiers (Ghengis Khan took one look at these guys and said "too hard"). They are also incredibly superstitious and believe that luck determines everything from longevity to how many tailors suits you're going to sell that day. So, whilst "face" is important throughout Asia, it's particularly critical here.

On the Wednesday of our cooking class in Hoi An, Jonah (fellow class participant) was describing a situation in which he was bargaining for a tailor made suit - keeping it light and friendly but standing his ground on the price he wanted to pay. The woman essentially shut down and wouldn't entertain any further discussion on the matter, so he left. Reconsidering his position and deciding that he will pay the extra $5 for the suit, he returned to the shop to do the deal at her asking price.

She refused on the basis that he brought her bad luck, and asked him to leave immediately.

Megan, Viron & I thought this very strange - refusing business! - until we faced our own situation not 3 hours later.

On Monday, Megan & Viron had checked all 3 of us into the hotel for $10 a night (with air con!). Wednesday I tried to get another room for a friend arriving Thursday afternoon - the woman (who, really, was quite surly anyway) said it was US$12 a night. I looked at Megan, she then fired up with "No, it was $10, we tried to pay at the beginning and you wouldn't let us"

And it was all on for young & old from there - none of this 'the customer is always right' business, or even allowing that perhaps a misunderstanding took place, but if you see our rate card you will see that rooms with a/c are always $12. (Rate card? What rate card!)

The surly hotel proprietor quickly escalated into defensive hysteria and silliness about how rooms are never $10 with air conditioning, there's no way it would have been $10, etc etc. We were at the point of no return with her and she agrees to honour the price quoted, however states that my friend would need to pay $12.

Fine, whew, deep breath.

The next morning Megan & Viron checked out (I was staying on) and they were essentially shunned from the hotel - not allowed to pay until the key was returned ("I don't trust you"), not allowed to order me breakfast ("only guests can eat here" "but she is a guest!" "she'll have to order it then"). They also gave me the evil eye and managed to give up the room I had reserved for my friend within about 2 minutes of Megan & Viron checking out. ("We don't have any more rooms today" "But...I reserved one..." "No more rooms" "You don't have any more, at all?" "No more $10 rooms" "No, no, no, they pay $12, we discuss last night" "Ring back at noon")

We took a tour of My Son ruins that morning, the tour bus was about 20 minutes late and we began to wonder if this was a vast conspiracy led by the family we have wronged - caused to lose face - and that somehow perhaps they had control over all the local businesses. The entire tour I was gripped with severe paranoia that my room was being ransacked or that I would wake in my sleep to find this 8 month pregnant surly hotel proprietor standing over my bed with a knife.

I decided to eat the last $10 and get the hell out of there, ASAP!