The Single Supplement

Travelling alone has been incredibly liberating and eye-opening. I learned very quickly in Italy that I was never alone, well, unless I wanted to be. There are people everywhere, and most of them are as keen for a chat and some company as you are - be it for 5 minutes or 5 hours or 5 days. You do feel like it's the first day of school every day, forcing you to start up the conversation with the usual openers (where are you from / how long have you been here / where did you travel from / where are you going / how long are you travelling - in no particular order, but usually forgetting the "what's your name" until you've been chatting for 2 hours). But after you make the initial contact the conversation flows from there (or not, in which case you make your excuses as quickly as possible and get the hell out of there).

After I worked that out in Italy, I also began to enjoy my own company and would look forward to eating a meal or having a drink alone, with my journal or a book or my thoughts as my dinner companion. That saw me through much of Europe and it was only when I finally made it to my organised tour in Russia that I dropped off on the journalling and reading.

So, I have no problems at all travelling alone and in fact relish the ability to go where I want, when I want, how I want.

Not everyone understands this though. Most hostels and tourist areas are used to seeing single travellers and think nothing of it, but from time to time well meaning staff make the whole thing incredibly awkward. The first memory of encountering this was in Nepal at the Chitwan National Park. I had booked an ill-advised 3 day tour of the area and was lumped in with 20 Chinese tourists and 6 Germans in an adequate but horribly dreary hotel. The staff greeted me with huge grins on their faces and proceeded to (painfully) flirt with me that night as I ate alone, next to the two group tables. The next day after I had made friends with the Germans I tried to sit with them - "oh no, madam, you must sit there <points to remote table for 1 with grinning waiter standing next to my plate>"

Ughhhh

Thankfully I didn't see this again ...until I took a cruise of Halong Bay in Vietnam. I opted out of the party boat option, seeking relief from the 20-something backpacking scene (unless they are Canadian firemen, but I digress), and booked a slightly more expensive overnight cruise. The person handling the booking got me out of the US$45 'single supplement' if I volunteered to share a room with another single, should that be required. For $45, yes I can handle that.

En route to Halong Bay, I quickly made friends with the couples - 2 doctors from Hawaii, an older couple from Southern California, and a younger one from the UK. The staff all immediately knew me by my first name and were grinning like idiots as they ushered me to my room - so I was thinking "so it's going to be one of THESE situations." There was also a Vietnamese-Australian family of 5 on board, and once we boarded the boat I was informed I'd be sharing with Christina, one of the daughters who was around 20. No worries, that was the deal so that's cool.

The first activity on the boat was lunch, and the staff had set up tables of 6 around the boat deck. I had been chatting to the Hawaiian couple and asked if I could join them for lunch - Sure! - and make a move to sit down.

"I'm sorry madam, you must sit over there"

<points to the exile table with the Vietnamese family>

"Sorry, can't I sit where I want to sit?"

"No, you must sit over there"

Riiiiiiight. It's as if the staff couldn't comprehend how a single person might be able to have a conversation with a couple, and of course if you're an odd number you must sit with the other odd number to even it out.

So I joined the family, who were very lovely and welcoming and all the rest of it. We had a great chat - the father's English was poor but it was fine otherwise. He was originally from North Vietnam, and then moved South before he became one of the 'boat people' refugees from the early 80s to Perth.

After lunch we went kayaking around Halong Bay and I was put with Christina (which was fine - except that her idea of paddling was to do maybe 2 strokes, and then put her hand in the water creating drag as I paddled us along...mate, if you're going to make me do all the work at least don't make it harder for me.)

So, dinner - I entered the dining area anticipating to eat with the Vietnamese family again. I made a move towards the table and was tapped on the shoulder "you can sit with your friends if you want to".

"No, no, that's fine, I'm quite happy to sit with the family"

Now the staff start insisting that it's okay to sit with the Hawaiian couple. Given the tables were still set in groups of 6, I wasn't sure how this computed with their couple maths, but I say ok - thinking another couple would be put with the family, or something. The wait staff then proceed to remove a place setting from the Vietnamese family's table and put it on the end of the table of 6, so I'm crowding into the others and feeling even MORE awkward than I did that afternoon. The family probably thought I asked not to sit with them (which wasn't the case at all), I felt like a 7th wheel on the table I joined, and the whole thing was just so painful.

Clearly the staff didn't understand why their first demand made me feel 'singled' out, and why their second offer in an attempt to rectify the first made things even worse. It was the first time I can remember feeling truly out of place as a single traveller in all of my trip.

Glad I opted for 3 days in Hanoi and 2 days on the boat instead of the reverse!