For once it wasn't me that had visa problems. This time I was organised, ready and had that Aussie visa all organised. I had it organised even before we left London! That is how organised I was! It was, "Australia here we come!" But. But somebody else needed a visa. Would you believe it?! A British citizen needs a visa to get into Australia! My heart dropped when the Cathy Pacific check-in staff told us to wait some twenty minutes because Ms Waterfield needed a visa and they would see what they could do. Getting a visa on a Saturday morning anywhere in the world is like trying to find hen's teeth and so twenty minutes might well actually turn out to be a long weekend in Hong Kong. Ah well, there are worse places to spend a few more days!

But leaving from Hong Kong and probably the most organised city in the world, we need not have worried. Before you board the train to get to the airport, you can actually check-in into your flight. No need to haul luggage up and down escalators at the airport and stand in queues for hours! Oh no, just check-in at the train station! After about 15 minutes waiting, the Cathay staff apologised for the long wait (what wait? After Africa and India, we had not even started getting warmed up for a wait!) and informed us that Australia had granted a Ms Waterfield a visa and they wished us a good journey. If Ing wasn't there, I would probably have kissed the Cathay lady for her efficiency! (Ed: I thought you did??!)

A pity the same can't be said for Australian custom officials. The girl behind the counter was so officious, she would have quite happily put the British lot to shame! Is there an international school for customs officials? One were a sense of humour is beaten and bludgeoned out of you before you can man a stamping desk (but here is a question: who ACTUALLY grows up wanting to be a customs official? Do they actually have normal lives? Poor b******s!).

But once "inside", the Australians could not have been a friendlier bunch. Getting from the airport into Melbourne city and then navigating the trams to where we were staying was a doddle. At the tram stop, all the punters gave their opinions as to what tram we should take, how long it would be and how things have changed in their day!

It was surprising to find out that Australians are very conservative in their attitudes and outlooks. Scratch a little under the surface and it seems as if Australia is actually still stuck in the 80's. It was a time when men were men and women were grateful! But these sorts of attitudes are not really surprising when you consider that Australia is on the other side of the world from where most of its immigrants are originally from. It is not surprising when you consider that Australia is still trying to find its own history and its own identity. The Melbournians took great pride in the fact that the oldest building is from 1852! We had a quiet chuckle when we heard this because in Nepal and India, there are buildings there from the 12th century! It puts things into perspective somewhat!

But with its large and diverse immigrant populations, Melbourne does boast some of the nicest precincts to wander through and enjoy. We spent plenty of time wondering all over Melbourne. Federation Square, the City Centre, the Italian Quarter, St Kilda and Brunswick and Smith Streets to name a few. Brunswick Street with its bars, coffee shops and quirky clothes shops was slightly grungy and very bohemian and the perfect antidote to Collins Street in the centre of town. Where Brunswick is where artists hang out, Collins Street bills itself as the Paris of Melbourne. Very elegant and refined, darling! Not like that riff-raff on that dirty, dreary disgusting Brunswick Street! Where Sydney is all "new" money and cannot behave itself and is all show and razz-matazz, Melbourne is the grand old lady of the south and NEVER talks about its old money. So uncouth, darling! But in between the glitz of Collins Street and the grunge of Brunswick, Melbourne definitely has a little something for everyone, new money or old, but just be prepared for a very stately, well-groomed and well turned out city with a fantastic transport system. Trams, trains, buses and taxis!

Maybe this was home?