"To be honest, I have a problem with the whole idea of the talking snake. I mean even if it didn't talk, and just sort of plonked the apple down and nodded towards it, I'd be suspicious" -- Alan Partridge

Vinny didn't get any sleep night before last, and I didn't get any sleep last night. It's funny. There's nothing to do when you can't sleep. This is mainly because there's nothing to do when you're awake. Less so at night when the lights are off.

Time is becoming complicated. We pass through one time zone every day, so every time we wake up it's an hour later than it should be. This in itself would be fine and easy to deal with, but all of Russia works on Moscow time, which means in practical terms that depending on who you ask, there's a four hour error margin on what the actual time is.

Today is the first day that we need to know the time, because the JWs are leaving tomorrow morning at 7AM, and we want to set alarms for them so they don't miss their stop. 7AM, it turns out, could mean just about anytime. We think they mean 7AM Ulaan Baator time, which is one hour ahead of Beijing time which is eight hours ahead of GMT whereas Moscow time is 3 hours ahead of GMT..... So there's no problem. We just work out what time it is in Moscow, take away three, add eight, take away one and robert's your mother's brother.

Unfortunately a cat was thrown amongst the pigeons when I turned on my mobile phone still set to British time and it disagreed with our calculation by one hour. After much debate it was decided that GMT must be Daylight Saving Time and not BST... So repeat the formula above taking away an extra one and everyone's a winner...

Just to be on the safe side though we'd best set the alarms for 5 AM.... make it four.

Either way, we were just glad to be through Russian border control.

As the day wore on, the JWs asked us if we'd teach them the rules for s***head. They had seen us playing it and it looked like more fun than there game. We were forced to agree - there game involved having a pack of cards each, and playing Solitaire facing each other... whoever finished first was the 'winner'.

So we explained s***head to them, apologising for it's name but pointing out that we didn't name it. We explained that winning didn't really matter, it was all about who came last and was thus dubbed the s***head. However, being JWs they refused to recognise that it was called s***head..... They renamed it "Wonderful".

So we had a few games of "Wonderful", and it genuinely appeared to be the most fun the two girls had ever had. It took the edge of the game slightly - when you lost you were heartily patted on the back and congratulated for being "Wonderful".....

Later on Vinny had another encounter with the JWs while I was off somewhere failing to get into an adventure.

He had stayed out of all religious debate like the diplomat he is, and made the following remark - "I think the Olympics will be a very interesting time for China".

This was met with an explanation that many things that are in the bible have come true in real life, and that it is really a very prophetic tomb.

Five minutes of Bible-Lecture later, Vinny said "OK... I think the Olympics will be an interesting time for China".

Mid Evening and the JWs pounced for another go at me. This was to be their last chance before they were sadly our of our lives forever. Unfortunately they played their cards too early, saying they were Creationists and that Evoloution was a pile of rubbish.

My Alan Partridge point about the snake was a great start, and my Creation Joke (punchline - I'm going to call it a Day) was the funniest thing in the world to the JWs, but it didn't change the fact that I was big fat wrong. Dinosaurs existed though, which was nice. They weren't a 'test of faith'. They were just left out of the bible for one reason or another. And, the JWs wanted to know, why the heck wasn't the Bible taught as scientific fact? People have the audacity to teach Evoloution as if it was fact. I tried to reason with this one as politely as I could - I didn't use the word 'b******s' once.

Then it was claimed that nobody in the world should have sex before marriage, and if people were forced to wait until marriage the world would be a better place. The idea that people (everyone) would rush into marriage just to get their end away didn't even register in their minds as a possibility.

Then we got onto gays being rubbish and I got tired. We hadn't got anywhere. They were still righteous, and I was still a heathen. I thought I'd end on a high note though, so said "Of course, I'm going to repent on my death bed. Just in case like. If you think about it, with all the religions out there and all the crazy ideas in the world, I'm probably safer just repenting on my death bed, praying to a miscellaneous deity and hoping for the best. Something non-specific so if there's anyone at all out there I'll be cool. Rather than risk getting it wrong and dedicating my life to the wrong God".

They didn't like this one little bit.

"You're supposed to be a devout atheist", said they.

"Yeah", said I, "But I also like a gamble".