"Where are all the good men dead?

In the heart? Or in the head?"

Gross Point Blank



What better way to celebrate the two year anniversary of this journey and this travel blog than the rather unimaginative method of pulling the random quotes from the tops of every entry I've done and stick them all together here in some kind of bizarre bumper compilation? The quotes that introduce my travelpod entries are as much a part of the whole experience as the photographs, the words, or the casual racism.

I figured that by extracting them all and laying them out in chronological order I could get some kind of insight into my psyche - you know, what was REALLY going on when I was writing that entry. Then I thought... Why the hell would I want to do that?

In fact, all you really end up with is a big bunch of film quotes, some relevant to what was going on at the time, some completely random. The occasional song or book made it in there, even the odd philosophical rambling. And, of course, the quotes that weren't quotes at all but rather me trying to make a point and pretending someone else had made it first to hide behind a little anonymity.

So without further ado, and for no real reason other than I had to do SOMETHING to mark he passage of two years of my life.... here it is.


It Begins... Europe 2006


"I'm too old for this s***" - Lethal Weapon 1, 2, 3 and more than likely 4

"And from the smoke shall come a most terrible beast and he shall be the Antichrist. And the beast will be known by the number six hundred and

sixty six" - The Bible. Or possibly Bill & Ted

"Sometimes you miss the pain", Swingers

"No blades, no bows, leave your weapons here... No blades, no bows, leave your weapons here" - Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves.... If you've seen it

you know what I mean.

"I met a girl who sang the blues, and I asked her for some happy news" - American Pie... German television sank to new lows last night as they televised our rendition of the Don McLean anthem.

"I'm not saying I was directly responsible for the fall of the Berlin Wall, just that I made a contribution through the gift of music" - David Hasslehoff.

"There's something happening here, and what it is ain't exactly clear, there's a man with a gun over there, telling me I'd better beware. There's battle lines being drawn, nobody's right if everybody's wrong". That Song... You know the one I mean.

"We are the middle children of history, with no purpose or place" - Fight Club

"We'd best get back, because it'll be dark soon, and they mostly come at night...... mostly" -- Aliens.

"I don't want it to be one of these awful, tacky stag nights that everyone seems to think are so important these days........ Strippers, obviously" -- Men Behaving Badly

"Get busy living or get busy dying. That's God damned right" - Shawshank

"We're gonna need a bigger boat" - Jaws

"It's a hundred and six miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark... and we're wearing sunglasses. Hit it." - Blues Brothers

"I have nothing to declare but my genius", Oscar Wilde

"You are so f***ing money and you don't even know it. You're like a bear with these big f***ing claws and the ladies are like bunny rabbits, and you're looking at your claws and you're thinking, how can I kill this bunny with these claws?"

Swingers

"Some people are on the pitch.... they think it's all over.... It is now!" Kenneth Walstenholme, 1966

"I see trees of green, red roses too, I see them bloom, for me and you. And I think to myself.... what a wonderful world" - Louis Armstrong

''I can`t believe you. You used to have such a nice writing style, and now all you do is swear and write about being drunk. I can`t even bring myself to show it to your Granny.''

- My Mother, the other day. I think she wanted to use the expression black-affronted as well but fortunately resisted the temptation.

`Actually, I'm a writer..... A writer? Of letters and such?` - Unforgiven

`You know what I like about Europe the most? It's the little differences. I mean, they got the same s*** there that we've got over here, but there

it's just a little different` - Pulp Fiction


Onto Russia.....


"We passed upon the stair, we spoke of was and when
Although I wasn't there, he said I was his friend
Which came as some surprise, I spoke into his eyes
I thought you died alone, a long long time ago

Oh no, not me
I never lost control
You're face to face
With The Man Who Sold The World"

Bowie.. And Nirvana... And, bizzarely, Lulu.

King Arthur: "Are all men from the future loud mouthed braggards?"

Bruce Cambell: "Just me baby, just me".

- The Army of Darkness, one of the finest films ever made.

"You like my fish? They're supposed to be relaxing, you know, stress? You must have something similair. How do you cope with stress in Russia?"

"Vodka"

Red Heat, not one of the best films in the world.

"Nowhere else will you find a greater hive of scum and villainy" - Star Wars

"You know, if we invested half the time we spend checking out women in things like experiencing cultures or learning languages, we'd be like the

best people who ever lived..... I suppose that's what's inherently wrong with us, as a gender" - Me, to Vinny, about two hours ago.

"Me and Poll are loving your Blog, Poll is addicted to the thing but all you seem to be doing is getting pissed, great fun for you and the randoms along the way but not good info!! Put the bottle down and get on with some sober adventures ( you know the ones that happen during the day!! )."

--- Extract from an e-mail Karim sent me the other day.



Onto A Train....

"Remember what Bilbo used to say: It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet,

there's no knowing where you might be swept off to..." - The Fellowship of the Ring

"We are damned and we are dead
All god's children to be sent
To our perfect place in the sun
And in the dirt"

- Marilyn Manson

"Another glorious day on the train. A day on the train is like a day on the farm. Every meal a banquet, every mile a pleasure. I love the train!"

"To be honest, I have a problem with the whole idea of the talking snake. I mean even if it didn't talk, and just sort of plonked the apple down

and nodded towards it, I'd be suspicious" -- Alan Partridge



Out the other side and onto Asia....

"Groovy"

"It was a cold, bright afternoon in April as the clock struck thirteen" - 1984

"You're a call girl? Wait, you mean like a w****?" - True Romance

"Don't move.... he can't see you if you don't move" - Jurassic Park

"My mommy said there weren't any monsters, any real ones.... but there are" - Aliens

"Like most people, I enjoy taking a piss after a meal... just not when it comes out of my f***in ass"

- Mike Strutter (an extremely crude quote for which I make only small apology)


"Yo, She-b****....... Let's go" - Bruce Cambell

"Sure, I could have stayed in the past. Hell, I could have probably been King. But in a lot of ways, I am a king. Hail to the King, baby" - Bruce

Cambell

"Save the Panda, they say... We are! We're not shooting them, we're not eating them, we're not hunting them... But they're not meeting us half way

are they? They're not shagging!" -- Ricky Gervais

"You want some bacon?"
"Nah man, I don't eat pork"
"Are you Jewish?"
"No, I ain't Jewish, I just don't dig on swine, that's all"
"But bacon tastes good... Pork chops tase good"
"Hey, sewer-rat may taste like pumpkin pie but I'd never know 'cause I wouldn't eat the filthy motherf***er. Pigs sleep, and root, in s***. That's

a filthy animal"

-- Pulp Fiction

"That's more food than they eat in a month. You're insulting them, and you're embarrassing me... eat it" - Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

"Nobody makes me bleed my own blood.... nobody" -- Dodgeball

"He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster.

And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."

-- Friedrich Nietzsche

"As you will be my dog, your new name will be... Spot. Welcome to slavery"
"No thanks - I already had a wife"

-- From Dusk Till Dawn

"Do you love me, Fry?"
"Well, I love you as much as a man CAN love a woman"

-- Futurama

"You were right about one thing, Master - the negotiations were short"

-- Phantom Menace

You're gonna die now John!"

-- Commando

"Okay, I get the picture - White Tigers, Lords of Death, guys in funny suits throwing plastic explosives while poison arrows fall from the sky and the pillars of heaven shake, huh? Sure, okay, I see Charlie Chan, Fu Manchu and a hundred howlin' monkey temples, and that's just for starters, right? Fine! I'm back! I'm ready, goddammit let me at 'em!"

-- Big Trouble In Little China

"As Bertrand Russell once said, 'The only thing that will redeem mankind is cooperation'. I think we can all appreciate the relevance of that now."
"Was that on a beer mat?"
"Yeah, it was Guinness Extra Cold."

-- Shaun of the Dead

"It's this whole other country"

-- Forrest Gump

"Accept no substitute"

-- Jackie Brown

"I was there the day the strength of men failed".

-- The Fellowship of the Rings

"Nothing is static... Everything is evolving... Everything is falling apart"

-- Fight Club

"I just feel like everyone tries to do something different, but you always wind up doing the same damn thing"

-- The Beach

"Pew, Pew, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble and Grub"

-- Ecclesiastes, 2:17

"Do not try to bend the spoon... that is impossible. Instead, only try to realise the truth"

"What truth?"

"There is no spoon"

"There is no spoon?"

"Then you will see that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself"

--- The Matrix

"There's the rub"

-- Swingers

"What you got?"

-- Rebel Without A Cause

"Mmm-Hmm, that IS a tasty burger"

-- Pulp Fiction

"You know what I love most about life? Everything".

-- Damien Hirst

"Here's to alcohol; the cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems"

-- Homer Simpson

"Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads!"

-- Back To The Future


And to Australia


"There's nothing that can't be done"

-- The Usual Suspects

"Take her to sea, Mr. Murdoch. Let's stretch her legs."

-- Titanic

"My god, Vanessa's got a fabulous body... I bet she shags like a minx... How do I let them know because of the unfreezing process, I have no inner

monologue? I hope I didn't just say that all out loud just now. "

Austin Powers

"If there's a steady pay check in it..... I'll believe anything you say"

-- Ghostbusters

"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages."

-- William Shakespeare, As You Like It

"You are without a doubt the worst pirate I've ever heard of"
"But you've heard of me"

- Pirates of the Caribbean

"I find I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend, and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope."

-- The Shawshank Redemption

"Don't worry, you're not my type"
"Smart?"
"Single"

-- Casino Royale

"What we do in life, echoes in eternity"

- Gladiator

"Welcome to the party, pal"

-- Die Hard

"White shores... and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise.

Return Of The King

"I am an FBI Agent!!"

Point Break

"Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies. Rivers and seas boiling".
"Forty years of darkness. Earthquakes, volcanoes..."
"The dead rising from the grave."
"Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together - mass hysteria."
"All Because of Dickless here"
"Is this true?"
"Yes, it's true. This man has no dick".

-- Ghostbusters

"Starry, starry night
Paint your palette blue and grey
Look out on a summer's day
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul..."

Vincent, Don McLean

"If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits eighty-eight miles per hour... you're gonna see some serious s***."

Back To The Future

"The dead only know one thing - it is better to be alive"

-- Full Metal Jacket


Melbourne... 1st Time Round

"Here at GloboGym, we're better than you..... and we know it"

-- Dodgeball

"I was just a young man when I did my first Three Point Fade Away. She was a French Canadian whose name I've since forgotten and who I met in France, in a bar that was all loud noises and pink carpeted walls. We drank, went skinny dipping in the wee small hours, made promises and held hands. I remember talk of a trip to the chain link bridge in Budapest, or maybe Bucharest. Then it started. Point One, e-mails regulary. Point two, e-mails every now and then, maybe a couple of CCs if I behaved well enough in them. And then point three, the Fade Away. That's the lifestyle, those are the rules. Everything with a beginning has an end and nothing very bad or very good ever lasts very long. We call it the Three Point Fade Away. It's not much, but it's what we've got, and if you don't like it, we'll Three Point Fade Away you"

Backpacker, Anon.

"Nothing very very good or very very bad ever lasts for very very long"

Generation X

"The name's Ash, housewares... Come get some"

Bruce Cambell, Army of Darkness

"You're so money and you don't even know it!"

Swingers

"You were right not to trust me"

Payback

"I'm going to live forever or die trying"

Catch 22

"Tower, this is Ghost Rider requesting a flyby"

-- Top Gun

"Where are all the good men dead? In the heart, or in the head?"

Gross Point Blank

"If you can't spot the sucker at the table in thirty seconds flat..... You are the sucker"

Rounders

"You can be my wingman anytime"

"Bulls*** - you can be mine"

Top Gun

"I may be a b******, but I'm not a f***ing b******"

From Dusk Till Dawn

"I woke up in some Japanese family's Rec Room, and they would not... stop... screaming"

Anchorman


Home/Vegas

"You know why they put oxygen masks on planes? Oxygen gets you high. In a catastrophic emergency, you're taking giant panicked breaths. Suddenly you become euphoric, docile. You accept your fate. It's all right here. Emergency water landing - 600 miles an hour. Blank faces, calm as Hindu cows."

"You wake up at Seatac, SFO, LAX. You wake up at O'Hare, Dallas-Fort Worth, BWI. Pacific, Mountain, Central. Lose an hour, gain an hour. This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time. You wake up at Air Harbor International. If you wake up at a different time, in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?"

--Fight Club


"I have long feared that the sins of my past will come back to visit me... And the cost is more than I can bear"

-- The Patriot

"You know what? I've never done the right thing in my life - not once.... That takes skill"

-- The Long Kiss Goodnight

"I took out $300, but I'm only betting with $100. I can't afford any more than that, all right? Now, I figure if we buy a lot of chips, the pit boss will comp us lots of free s***. That's how it works over there."

"Vegas, baby, Vegas"

"Come on! Look, girls, look, don't you always double down on eleven?"

"That was like the Jedi mind s***"

-- Swingers

"There are doorways I haven't opened,
And windows I am yet to look through.
Going forward may not be the answer......
Maybe I should go back."

-- Hive

"I was in love once".
"Really? What was her name?".
"I don't remember".
"That's... not a good start. But please, continue".

-- Anchorman


Back to Melbourne



"It's not the years, honey - it's the mileage"

-- Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark

"He waits... that what he does... And tick follows tock follows tick follows tock...
Ahab Says 'I don't care who you are, here's to your dream'".

"Is it how you imagined?"

"Mate I can't complain. Work, friends, house, all good. Everything's good in fact... Everything but the girl".

"Ah... Ever noticed how similar 'everything but the girl' is to 'nothing at all'"?

"Yeah".

-- Everything But The Girl


"There is a house in New Orleans,
They call the Rising Sun
And it's been the ruin of many a poor boy,
And God, I know, I'm one."

-- The House of the Rising Sun

"You're all going to die down here"

-- Resident Evil

"We have GOT to get out"

-- Tremors

"It's this whole other country"

-- Forrest Gump

"The truth is, you are the weak.... And I am the tyranny of evil men.
But I'm trying Ringo... I'm trying real hard.. To be the shepherd."

-- Pulp Fiction