We flew to Kuching in Sarawak on Tuesday and as soon as we arrived at our hostel we arranged a trip to stay in an Iban Longhouse with a real life tribe. We couldn't leave for the trip until Thursday so we had Wednesday to explore Kuching - which we didn't do as there wasn't really anything there! We just caught up on our sleep!

On Thursday we headed off into the great unknown...

Our driver picked us up from our hostel at 8.30 in the morning and we then collected an Australian couple, called Geoff and Alisa, who were also going with us. After about an hour of driving we stopped at an Orang Utan sanctuary and in extremely appropriate footwear (our flip-flops) we stumbled up the rocky, muddy paths into the jungle. After about half an hour of trekking and searching through the trees for the Orang Utans our driver decided we should maybe give up and so he showed us some interesting leaves and twigs instead. We now know many different varieties of wildlife including sand paper leaves, a selection of twigs used for weaving and he also took us off the recommended safe route down a vertical bit of the forest to show us a bit of fruit that we could clearly see from the main path anyway! What a good use of our time!

We were about to leave without so much as a glimpse of orange fur, but suddenly out of the corner of our guides eye he saw a leaf fall in the distance. He called us back but we were adamant it was just a simple gust of wind. We decided to trundle back to see if we could spot one anyway and after about 20 minutes of more waiting and Orang Utan calling we spotted a fluffy ginger leg in the distance, high up in the trees. We zoomed our cameras to the very maximum and managed to get a blurred orange foot on our screens. Score! We thought that was all we would see but gradually more and more Orang Utans came out of the woodworks and swang through the trees towards us. There were mummy Orang Utans with their little babies clinging onto their backs, and they were sooo cute! They ended up directly above our heads and we were told to run away incase they knocked branches out of the trees onto us. After being in the HOT jungle for so long it was a relief to get back into the air-conned car and we set off again.

After another hour we stopped off at a market where we planned to buy some decent shoes after our flip-flops were such a disaster! Our guide insisted on buying us about 762 kebabs with an amazing satay sauce! And two full boxes of coconut rice, as well as a bag of fried bananas and some peanut pancakes! This is where we discovered just how much Geoff eats... he rivals Laura in the human hoover contest! And also how he says everything is 'beautiful' in his Australian accent! But it really was good food and we went waddling off to look for shoes, stuffed to the brim. We found three gorgeous pairs of trekking sandals with velcro straps, not only suitable for trekking but right in line with todays fashion! We snapped them up and once again set off!

Our driver had changed and we now had a little fellow who spoke even littler English. After 20 minutes of driving he thought he had left his phone back at the market so we turned around to go and retrieve it. When we got back there, however, he discovered it was actually in the car all along. Such a Laura thing to do! The drive to the river was 4 hours so we settled in for a long journey. The scenery changed from city landscapes to huge, green mountains. We also ran over a lizards tail and it was very sad. We looked back and the poor creature was spasming in agony!

We got to the river at about 3pm where there was a Longhouse community there and we began to think what the hell we had got ourselves into for three days! The jungle was their toilet and the brown river was their bath. The run-down wooden houses were held up by spindly sticks that looked as though the slightest push would send it toppling over. We got into a rickety long boat where you could touch the water on either side, and we sat on tiny little wooden chairs. We thought they would paddle all the way on our 2 hour journey but suddenly an engine (how high-tech!) revved up and we sped off. However...  the not so high-tech motor failed to get us round the first corner. We had to use one measly oar and the current of the river to drag us back to the starting point, where we would then have to wait for the boat drivers to retrieve a brand new engine from the nearest town. They told us we would only have to wait an hour... but that turned into 3 hours sitting on a sweltering, pebbly bay by the river. We decided to go off exploring to pass the time. We found two little boys to play with but unfortunately they seemed really petrified of us and ran away wailing 'oh s***' as we chased them round the jungle behind their longhouse. They seemed to have a slight advantage over us as they were on bikes, even though the bikes were about 400 years old and had broken brakes. We worked around this and as soon as they got off their bikes we stole them! After a while we had worked up a bit of a sweat so we headed to the river to cool down. But it was obvious our new little friends had taken a shine to us and they followed us and tried to impress us by leaping around in the river on various pieces of wood.

Finally, as the sun was just about to set the driver returned with a new engine. They attached it to the boat and thankfully it worked so we climbed on, trying not to topple over as the boat swayed so much. After a one and a half hour scary boat ride through the rainforest we arrived at our destination. We were shown around our new home for three days. It was pretty much one long room made completely from wood, about 2 storeys above the ground and held up with stickes the width of an arm. Around 100 people live there from 20 different families, and each family owned their own dogs, cats, pigs, chickens and fish which were all let free to roam around. Apart from the fish of course who were kept in a smelly, swampy fish pit which we had to walk through to get to our lovely, delightful squat loo and wash facilities! (You can't really call a bucket and ladle a shower!) It was dark when we got there and the walk to the toilet turned out to be a death trap. Not only did we have to dodge the dogs/wolves on the way we had to climb down the two storeys to the floor on an extremely old and rickety ladder!  

We were dreading dinner as we had been told stories of eating things like squirrel and spider, but it turned out to be a rather delightful feast at which Geoff exclaimed in glee, 'that was beautiful!'. We had fish, chicken curry, rice, jungle weed (which sounds much worse than it tastes!), spinach and pineapple and bananas for pudding. All of which were freshly caught/picked from the jungle!

We were then ushered into the communal longhouse area where we were welcomed by the chief and his family, who performed a traditional dance fully clothed in their tribal gear. They then invited us to join in, which we did reluctantly - as we are not really the smoothest of groovers! It tuned out to be fun and we got a few pictures with the chief which we will hopefully put up soon for you to see! We turned around for a split second and when we turned back it seemed that an entire market had been set up for us to look round! We felt obliged to buy something and so we purchased three tribal necklaces. At one stall we were inspecting some baskets when out of the blue a HUGE cockroach ran out at our feet and we screamed and leaped around whilst the entire tribe laughed at us! They are around cockroaches and other crazy creatures all the time so they weren't bothered by it in the slightest!

As everyone started drifting to bed in their own seperate rooms we were left alone on the veranda. We were scared to got to sleep and drop our senses, as Nyima hasn't had her Japanese Encephalitis jabs - of which posters were absolutely everywhere on the walls warning everyone of the dangers of it, and Laura hasn't had here rabies jab - very worrying considering the number of dogs/wolves roaming around. Also there were three human skulls dangling above our heads dating back from the tribes head-hunting days. They were all British. We tried to put our fears to one side, set up our mosquito nets and settled in for a quiet nights sleep. Quiet it was not...

As everyone had left the lights were turned out and it was pitch black. We drifted off to sleep but after 2 minutes the noises began. First of all were the dogs. Two groups on either side of the longhouse appeared to be having some sort of duel on who could howl the loudest. And when one group won they decided to do a victory run around the entire length of the veranda, just skirting the sides of our mattresses. When that settled down the rain began. By rain we mean the heavens split open and the entire amount of water in the sky fell directly onto our longhouse. We actually thought there was some sort of natural disaster about to occur but when no-one ran out of their rooms screaming we decided it was probably the norm. However, at about 3 o'clock the news seemed to have sunk in that there had been a massive storm and hoards of men ran out of their rooms with torches strapped to their heads and buckets in their hands, shouting and banging around to go and save their boats. At 4 o'clock the cockerels started. And about 6 o'clock they finished. Martha and Laura did manage to finally get about one hours sleep... Nyima, oblivious to absolutely everything, had slept right through the entire racket and was raring to go for our trek. She did not miss out completely though... she awoke to find about 30 mosquito bites covering her legs - even though she was 100% protected with a mosquito net, full length trousers and an entire bottle of insect repellent.

Breakfast was served at 7:30am and it was 'beautiful!'. An absolute feast yet again which consisted of pineapple, bananas, banana pancakes, boiled eggs and cakes - 8 in the packet and Laura ate 6 of them! At 10 o'clock we went for our gentle stroll though the jungle to reach the lake where we could swim. We climbed a humungous clay hill to enter the jungle which we were shocked to be walking up... so we took thousands of pictures to show the immense steepness we had just encountered. That, however, was an ant hill in comparison to the entire mountain range of Malaysia ahead of us.

We climbed up and down about 508 vertcial slopes, grabbing onto anything we could see to help us pull ourselves up, and finding any little ridge we could stuff our feet into to help us in any possible way. We were also glad to discover that Geoff and Alisa were not experienced, hardcore climbers and they struggled as much as us! After we had lost about half our weight in sweat we reached a small stream and our hearts leaped with joy! We followed the stream and came across a lush, tropical paradise in the heart of the rainforest. There were already two tribesmen there preparing our lunch on an open fire using hollow bamboo sticks, which they filled with food and put into the fire! They gave us a cup of tea... using a cup made from bamboo and spoons made from bamboo. Yet again, Laura's exclamtions of 'no, i don't want any tea thank-you' went misunderstood and she was handed probably the largest cup, full to the brim with glorious tea! After much deliberation at how to dispose of it she threw it in the river with a huge splash! Not very sly at all! We splashed around in the cold and refreshing river, Martha happy because she could finally put her feet on the ground now she had her trendy sandals! However the leaves still clung to her and she leapt on Nyima many a time like a leech!

Food was served and it was 'beautiful!' ... probably the most 'beautiful' yet! It was served on plates made from palm leaves and used our hands as cutlery - which were very clean having been washed in the not muddy at all river! Out of the bamboo came a chicken dish, three freshly caught whole fish, jungle weed and palm hearts - which Geoff though were especially 'beautiful!'. We also had barbecued chicken cooked over the fire, wrapped around their own feet! We then had to experience our guide crack his way through the bones and gristle of the chicken feet which looked as though it hadn't been cooked and resembled a human hand, and then spit out the toenails when he had sucked off all the meat and cartilage. Gross!

The journey back to the longhouse was slightly better as we got to wade through rivers waist deep at some points which cooled us down, and the hills were slightly less challenging. That was until Laura decided to mention that it was slightly better and we turned around and saw the steepest vertical, muddy climb of them all... and we had been walking through the river so our feet were extremely slippery! Geoff offered Laura a helping hand by holding out a stick which she gladly grabbed crying out 'this is fantastic!' just before falling flat on her face in the mud, and then sliding right back down the hill and ending up in a massive heap whilst everyone just stood and laughed at her... not offering her any help! She opened her mouth too soon yet again! The rest of the journey seemed okay until we reached a massive cliff face and only a tiny pathway about 10cm in width. We tenderly stepped across but suddenly the pathway ended and in its place was a huge tree with its roots jutting out over the strong-currented river, one mile below us! We had to leap across the tree to reach the tiny path on the other side. Thankfully, our skillful hiking experience helped us complete our journey safely! Since completing the trek we have decided it is the most rigourous exercise any of us has ever done!

We got back and had to have a shower to get rid of the stench that we had brought back with us - not that any of the longhouse inhabitants would have notcied! The shower cubicle is next to the squat loo cubicle and smells worse than cow, horse and pig s*** all in one. The shower head above us didn't actually work so we had to keep filling a bucket up with cold water and slosh it all over ourselves. That evening we had another 'beautiful!' meal and then went to bed, Martha and Laura preparing themselves for another sleepless night and Nyima covering each part of her body in a different mosquito repellent to see which type worked best! 

We woke up after having an okay nights sleep and Nyima being less bitten! Our guide offered us another trek, harder than yesterdays as that one was apparently 'easy', which we all point blank refused to do!

We learnt alot from the tribe and even though they have a really hard life they seem to just get on with it and enjoy themselves. When we woke up on the first morning the elderly chief was shredding bamboo cane into small strips...and when we went to sleep 15 hours later he was still doing it by candle light, with a gash 5mm deep into his dry thumb from the knife. It didn't even bleed! The women were seperating huge piles of rice with their feet for hours, and they were laughing and chatting through it. The whole tribe lives off the land still and they don't rely on money to lead a good life. It was a really interesting experience and even though it was very hard work, it will definately be one of the highlights of our trip!    

We left the longhouse at about 11:30am and headed back up the river. Our driver from the beginning was due to pick us up at 1pm and we got to the pick up point with minutes to spare so he wouldn't be kept waiting. However, an hour later we were still waiting for him. Our guide said he was probably drunk which we laughed off. Finally at 2:15pm he arrived and we climbed into his car. The journey back was very nerve-warcking... he drove in the middle of the road and shook the wheel constantly, even though we were on completely straight and flat roads. His eyes kept fluttering shut and Geoff even offered to take over driving for him! We could tell Geoff was very concerned because he kept asking if the driver needed a break or any fresh air. The driver also decided to tell us a long joke and insisted on turning completely round in his chair and taking his hands off the wheel to explain it. It wasn't even funny! We finally arrived at the airport, thankfully unharmed, and said our goodbyes to Geoff and Alisa. Our next stop is Kota Kinabalu in Sabah so we will update you from there! xxx