Well, well, well. Its been a three time zones, two countries and a partridge in a pear tree since we last did one of these From the start I'll apologies for the spelling and typing mistakes in the blog. The reasons behind this are 1) I'm usless and 2) the keyboard is sticking.

So Lala Land. What a shock to the system. We left secluded Fiji with bucket showers, Fiji time and self built bures to a private room in West Hollywood. And if that wasn't enough of a shock, we had to time travel to do it - we left Nadi, Fiji at 10pm Thursday night,flew for 10 hours and arrived at 2pm Thursday afternoon. I'm stillnot sure how that works, but I'm meeting Marty McF;y and the Doc soon toask questions!

And what a place LA is. It is the unashmed centre of commercialism in the US. The whoe place is designed around bigger being better and showing off how much you have. So we merged into the background with our unwashed clothes from Fiji and slightly gobsmacked faces. The smell of our clothes must have been off-putting to some, so we hit the showers and went for a walk, well we would have done, if I didn't have a hoe inmy foot. I stood on soemthing walking barefoot in Fiji and Dr Nic (Nichola, not the one from the Simpsons) had to perform some surgery in the hotel room. Using a pin, surgical wipes and finger nails, she squeezed out most of the fluid and found the bit of wood/earth/animal an pulled it out (sorry if you're having dinner at the moment).

Most people we've met on our travels said toavoid LA and just use it as a landing base, so we gave ourseves just a few days. If we have learnt anything from travelling, its never believe anyone! LA is actually quite nice, once you can work out what makes the thing tick - money. So on our short schedule, we booked a Hollywood tour (more of that later) and then setoff to Venice Beach and St=anta Monica to look at the idiots who hang out there. And it didn't disappoint! Weight lifters, dancers, basketball, handball, soccer, bikes, trikes, tandoms, surfers, singers, tramps all kick around the frnt trying to, you guessed it, get one from you. Have your picture taken - $1. look at the posters $1. fart $1... ok so the lase bit isn't true, but it won't be long befor theclean air aws or something else as ludicrous is passed in California and this becomes a reality!

Anyway, we left there feeling fairy normal and headed back to Hollywood where only the mildly weird live. We went for a beer on Sunset Strip and were underwhelmed by it. Maybe we were expecting St Tropez, or filmstars walking around everywhere, but all we got was a pub selling Brown Ale. Don't get me wrong, the bar was great, but there is only onething that would make ou think that Sunset Bvd is the hottest street on theplanet, andthat's the prices of the booze. It was nice to see how it looks but we were starting to miss Vorovoro and feel jet lagged, so we headed to bed.

Next day was our Hollywood tour. We had a driver - Mickey Z (that's my name, and you can wear it out...) -who I thought was great but Nic took an instant dislike to! The way Isaw it, if you're going to tour Hollywood, then you want a driver who is going to use phrases like "badda boom, badda bing" and "yadda, yadda, yadda". He was overthe top, but we were in Hollywood, not looking round Westminster Abbey

The tour was really good fun -if you like sitting in a minivan all day - and tok us around all the stars homes in Beverley Hills (on my right is where Britney lived, right over the road from theBeckhams, Tom Cruise and Simon Cowel), including the Playboy Mansion. I had to ask someone else what the signifcance of the place was, having never heard of it previously, but I'm assured its somewhere Iwould enjoy, if Iever got chance to visit (kids ask your parents to explain what it is). We also hit Rodeo Drive where we didn't buy anything, but had pictures taken outside the front of the Pretty Women hotel. I was overjoyed. But not nearly as happy as I was tovisit the school where they filmed parts of Grease, my all time favourite musical rubish. The high point of the tour however, was a visit to the Kodac Theater where they do the Oscars. We didn't go inside, but spent 20 minutes looking for stars on the road. I now know where Michael Jackson is, which impressed Nic and then we wentto the Chinese theater where the handprints are. I've got bigger hands than Victor Mature, but smaller feet than Daffy Duck. Win some, lose some I suppose.

It also turns out that Mickey Z (as the yanks call him Zeeeeeeeee), has taken art in lots of famous films. He spent hours telling us of the films hes helped make - Titanic being the most famous. It was only when we were udner the hollywood sign that he let slip.... he was the assistant tea boy on these films! Made everyone laugh under there breathat him.

The rest of our time i n Hollywoodland was spent, erm, shopping! We looked round the designer stores (buying nothing), before hitting the normal places and picking upsome clean clothes. You may notice on the photos that we're wearing new t shirts for the first time since India! Hollywood strangely, isn't that expensive if you hitthe right shops. We gotloads of t shirts fo r$10 (5 quid) and had great fun looking through vintage shops - charity shops to the rest of the world. It makes Oxfam in Bradford look a little faded!

The last major scandel leaving Hollywood, washaving to wait over 4 hours for our Bus to San Fran (blog to follow soon). Greyhound stuffed up the planning and ended up with no buses in LA... idiots. It didn't help that all there staff appear to be trained in the art of rudeness and there was nearly a riot (not involving us) in the bus station while tempers were frayed. The happy footnote to this, is that I complained to Greyhound and they emailed today to give us a 50% refund! Yehah!

That's it for Lalaland. More to follow on San Fran and Canada.

PS Note to the Irish readers. Sadly we didn't find anything in Hollywood, California, that even slightly reminded us of Holywood, County Down. Sorry. We did try.