With our final night looming I was keen to seize the day and experience a big helping of the Australian lifestyle. Now, as previously mentioned, the majority of men in Australia are built like bulls, have zero body hair and are covered in tattoos, and lying in bed staring at my ceiling I quietly thought: I can achieve one of those...' Slinking out of the apartment door, I whisked down to the local shop under the pretence of buying some more bread. When I returne...

Being greeting with a smiling woman in Sydney airport was such a treat after the stone-faced Indian airport staff that I almost fell forward and clung to her shins in tearful ecstasy - thankfully, I held it together and handed over my passport for inspection without so much as a whimper. Despite our passports having to be scanned a few times (Chelsea's finger marks are still in my arm, where she gripped me in fear that I'd done something else wrong) we had easy ...